Anyone else hold on too long

I have been dating a guy for a little over a year. We had a great time for the first few months, although he is very independent, never married, no kids and such....it seemed he was interested in my life, my kids, etc. He was taking care of his mother, or at least watching over her, at this time. 3 months later, she is diagnosed with terminal cancer. 3 months after that she passed. He took complete care of her and of course, although it was hard for me, I tried to not let my needs overpower that need.

After her passing he was of course different and depressed. He basically was never there for me and constantly letting me down. Over and over. I walked away 3 times but couldn't let go and went back.

Now I have fallen into a depression (I'm Bipolar II) mixed weird sort of funk for like 3 months now. I think I can attribute a lot of it to just feeling unlovable because I've been chasing this unavailable man for so long. I want to let go but can't seem to.

Who else does this resonate with. What is your advice. I'm starting with a new therapist tomorrow and I have high hopes for her, but my life is basically in shambles right now from my instability and my complete lack of want to do much of anything. Motivation, pleasure, cognition, energy, etc are all absent and I just feel worthless sometimes.

I'm know how you're feeling.

I'm still mourning a relationship with a man I know was thoroughly bad for me and added very little to my life.

And I have absolutely no idea why. It does not logically make sense and it irritates the !@#$ out of me lol

Wow, ya know, for me, all bets are off when someone has been a caregiver and then through death and that job disappears.
This is an immensely difficult time for this person. Imagine if the tables were turned, how would you feel if you lost your mom or dad; would you hope for your new-ish partner to cut you a little slack and understand you are going through something really really hard? And perhaps be more patient with you instead of expecting more attention from you?

He may just need time to grieve and everyone grieves differently.

It might be a lovely gesture on your part to send him a card or note just saying you still think of him, miss him and hope he is well, and even that you are available if he ever wants to talk. That you understand he has been going through some really hard stuff and you just want him to know that you understand. It leaves the door open a crack... and shows you want to be there for him. This is all IMHO.

What do you think?

It's your responsibility to make you as happy/content as you can - your doing the right thing by seeing a new therapist....if you are more content with yourself...maybe you can be more understanding of his grief amd be supportive. It's difficult to not let others that are close to us affect our emotions. Good luck.

I've held on for a long time. I was as supporting as I could be during her illness and now I think this is just how he is. He is doing fun things just not including me. I know I should be strong and end it because he just isn't there for me.

Sent from my XT1028 using Tapatalk

You said you have been chasing him? Well, typically men don't like to be chased often they keep you running. It sounds like you supported him with his ordeal with his mother and you were patient. It's probably time for you to get on with your own interests and stop chasing. If he is "really" interested he will come around, if not then you will already be moving forward with yourself anyway.

I will say however, that this whole ordeal with his mother probably took a lot out of him, while he may be doing some fun things, that doesn't mean he is all better and not still grieving. People sometimes distance when they grieve, might look like they are doing better but are actually still struggling. I think you should be nice, perhaps send a nice card with a caring message, but don't just sit and wait on him. Some men are very private and struggle to talk about their feelings. Did you ever ask him to just go out to dinner and talk? You can always do that and tell him you care about him but you don't want to chase him and if he isn't interested it's ok, you can be friends but you will see other people. Men are definitely not mind readers.

OE