[aqsam]

I am bisexual , very emotional and romantic person. Its been like one and half year I started chatting with a friend on the internet. I always had some feeling for him. As I am working abroad, haven't met him personally. But by nature I have come to know about his good personality and nature also. So the thing is we started talking on daily basis and kinda got addicted. We would talk daily, share stuff and joke around. We would miss each other when not around and express it as well. Since a month he is ignoring me. He is online as I can see (Stalking) all of his activities going on but he won't talk to me. I asked him straight out but he took it very light saying was busy, and not coming online type of things. It hurt me alot. I started complaining but he said he cant talk serious. Like always he wanted to talk about the normal stuff giving me impression like now he even doesn't care whether we talk or not. Also said to me that I was behaving like girls. (We are not open ) I am always thinking about him and missing him terribly. Now he is again off line not talking but doing all his activities normal. My efficiency at work has fallen very rapidly. I am checking on him all the time..waiting for his messages. But most of the time these days, its just the waiting..I am planning to go back my country on vacations but makes me feel scared that we may lose the beautiful relation that we have (or had may be ) if things donot work out. I know I must go but it will take like 2 months more. Right now I want advice and suggestion. What should I do.? I dont want to be clingy and annoying kind of person. I want to deal it wisely but cannot find a way. What to do? Is it real or its just me ? Please help.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, aqsam, and welcome to Psych Central! As you say, you got sort of addicted to him, and the two of you spent a lot of time on-line with each other.

But, you have not even met, and you are abroad. He is around other people he can see and interact with, and has evidently found folks in real life and on the internet that he can spend time with.

The problem is that you put all your eggs in one basket, expecting more out of the relationship long-term than what he evidently wanted.

I suspect you were lonely, being away from home, and came to depend too much on interacting with him. I know it will be hard, but the best thing is to move on, seeking folks who are around you and trying to get out and enjoy interacting with other people. You are making yourself miserable by hanging on to him.

He might get back in touch one of these days, but I can assure you that you are really diminishing the chances of that by trying to stalk him and to push him back into spending a lot of internet time with you. Okay?

[Piraeus]

Hello aqsam. It's nice to meet you. This happens quite often online. Maybe he just needs some space. I hate to say it, but maybe you should just let him go.

Piraeus

[waiting4]

with both posts above. The fact is, meeting people online can be fun, and a good way to spend time, however, they can be misleading sometimes...i.e. emotions can run high very quickly, because you DO have constant (or nearly) contact. That's how a habit can turn into an addiction.

Step away from the keyboard, and stop haunting your friend. At the very least, give him time to miss you.

[SnakeCharmer]

I agree with the above, too. It's difficult, like breaking an addiction, but stepping away from the keyboard, giving up the stalking, not looking at his Facebook, just going cold turkey, it's the only way to get your life back.

[aqsam]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hello, aqsam, and welcome to Psych Central! As you say, you got sort of addicted to him, and the two of you spent a lot of time on-line with each other.

But, you have not even met, and you are abroad. He is around other people he can see and interact with, and has evidently found folks in real life and on the internet that he can spend time with.

The problem is that you put all your eggs in one basket, expecting more out of the relationship long-term than what he evidently wanted.

I suspect you were lonely, being away from home, and came to depend too much on interacting with him. I know it will be hard, but the best thing is to move on, seeking folks who are around you and trying to get out and enjoy interacting with other people. You are making yourself miserable by hanging on to him.

He might get back in touch one of these days, but I can assure you that you are really diminishing the chances of that by trying to stalk him and to push him back into spending a lot of internet time with you. Okay?

Wow ..You summed up the whole thing exactly how it happened in reality word to word. Like you said, yes I had (have) developed a strong hope for a long-term relationship. Now that you understand the whole situation clearly, can you suggest me something to distract my mind from him. I love books. Can't read because keyboard will scream and make me come and check his facebook.I had saved all his photos in my computer. After reading your reply, I deleted them all. Please, suggest me something. What should I do to kill his memories. When I was alone, started doing yoga. It helped. Now shared room and early work timings make it hard to manage. I am thinking to give my laptop and cell phones to some friend for some days. I desperately want him, but as he doesn't look interested any more, I want this association go away. Sorry I am again writing so long. For some unknown reasons, it helps me and makes me feel easy. Thank you again. You have no idea how much great of help you had done to me. If you can, please guide me. God Bless!!

[aqsam]

Originally Posted by waiting4

with both posts above. The fact is, meeting people online can be fun, and a good way to spend time, however, they can be misleading sometimes...i.e. emotions can run high very quickly, because you DO have constant (or nearly) contact. That's how a habit can turn into an addiction.

Step away from the keyboard, and stop haunting your friend. At the very least, give him time to miss you.

I tried to give him time to miss me. In the past, when small problems like this occurred, I always did the same strategy. This time though long time has passed with no contact, No signals. Breaks my heart. My colleagues are sitting in front of me commenting that I have lost some weight and look so weak and it happened only this week. God I am so hopeless.

[aqsam]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

I agree with the above, too. It's difficult, like breaking an addiction, but stepping away from the keyboard, giving up the stalking, not looking at his Facebook, just going cold turkey, it's the only way to get your life back.

That'r right. But like they say, easy to think , hard to do. I am looking for ways to break the stalking thing. ThankYou

[aqsam]

Originally Posted by Piraeus

Hello aqsam. It's nice to meet you. This happens quite often online. Maybe he just needs some space. I hate to say it, but maybe you should just let him go.

Piraeus

Yes, I guess now that's the only way. Life is so black and white without him. I wish I could bring him back.