How do you know

I feel like I am ready for a new relationship... definitely need a lover Would prefer both at the same time... am I being selfish? I feel a bit confused.. and that is nothing new.

no you are not being selfish. if you are ready for a new relationship then seek one out if you are healthy enough to do so. everybody has needs for companionship for happiness in life. you deserve happiness as well. go for it. take care.

You're not selfish darlin. This is just you wanting/desiring a mate, nothing selfish about having desires and wanting ar relationship!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I don't think your being selfish at all. We as human beings are designed to find a partner. I would caution however, that you ask yourself some questions about this feeling. As an example Why? Why do I feel I am ready for a relationship? Is it because I am seeking someone to fill a void, and if so what is the void? It is something in me that is lacking that I am hoping to find in someone else? or is it merely to share the amazing person that I am with others? How will I prepare for any discouragement?......just as examples, don't be afraid to question everything that is usually where the feeling of confusion comes from..questions left unasked....

Okay don't know if that helps or hurts, I hope it helps even if just a little (:

I am confused, how it's selfish?

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This isn't selfish at all!
The best of luck to you in finding a good and healthy relationship!

You could try an online cyber relationship to tide you over

Yeah, that kind of confused me too.

If you feel it's selfish, I think you need to ask yourself why you feel that way, before you seek out a relationship. If you're truly ready, btw, a relationship will find you. Confidence is always intriguing and attractive.

There is nothing 'selfish' about wanting to be loved, respected, and appreciated by someone you love, respect and appreciate. I'm concerned of your question of whether it's a selfish idea, and what would make you even wonder??

A little back story would help here. For example, are you still with a partner? If so, and that's all up in the air still, my answer would be that it's selfish to go out looking for a new relationship and lover until you get your current situation resolved. Or ... hmmm ... let me think of examples ... if you have a partner who's in a long-term care facility and has no hope of improvement, I'd say it's all right to look, being as honest and discreet as possible. And if you're single and free, there's nothing selfish at all. But not knowing the circumstances, it's really difficult to put a value judgment on something like this. Circumstances do matter.

I have severe issues with trust... due to previous experience... kind of afraid.

If the issues are trust and fearfulness due to previous bad experiences, maybe going out to find a new relationship/lover is more reckless than selfish. It's not selfish to want to make human connections or to want to find a loving relationship. It's reckless to dash into something new impulsively and then find out later that you'd picked a bad apple without realizing it. Perhaps going slow, getting to know people and their personalities and histories. Not just going for looks or the trappings of a successful life, but really looking to find someone with a kind heart and good character. And if that's scary, maybe finding a therapist to help you understand the severe trust issues and help you get beyond your fear and teach you how to communicate and reciprocate in a relationship -- all those things that get bent out of shape when we have traumatic experiences.

Going back to your first question: No, it's not selfish. It may even be healthy if you approach it in the right way, knowing there are no guarantees when it comes to love, but it's darn nice if you find it.

Is something developing? Hence, feeling ready?

I don't know why, on a deep cosmic level, human beings gravitate towards others that share certain characteristics and wounds, but seems common.

If you have severe trust issues, stands to reason your new partner may share this reflection with you.

I hear you about lover, yet deep intimacy will go beyond lover/friend/companion.

If you've been hurt, stands to reason, they will have been.

If intimacy has been used as a weapon, on you, the reflection will appear the same. There is bonding in intimacy, that goes beyond lover and friend and companion.

Know and understand your needs from the relationship needs list. Not knowing can hinder your emotions.



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The dis-trust and anxiety stems from a long time emotional and sometimes physical abuse. 27 years to be exact. I am just afraid of relationships and people... I walk away now, if someone says they like me. Well... maybe I will just hermit and sit for another 27 years... I dont know.... Thanks peeps

Don't give your abuser, power over your future. .

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