[lost_kitten]

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

[Maria116]

I'm not a fan of babies so those don't bother me. I keep myself busy with unavailable men drama.

[music junkie]

Originally Posted by lost_kitten

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

I don't necessarily want to be married, & I'm almost certain that I don't want kids, so it's actually not that bad.

Recently my best friend from high school (we're not close anymore) had her baby, & I was very happy for her! I know she'll make a great mom. I did feel a little pouty, so to speak, thinking about how people will never be congratulating me for something like that. But then I remembered that I chose this life, & that this is the way that I want to live, with no kids. I could choose differently, but I know that deep down, that's not what I want.

I used to doubt myself a lot in the past, & think about how one day I would realize that I had wasted a good chunk of my life pretending I didn't want something that I really did want. That was really what made me sad & kind of depressed, not so much that everyone I knew was getting married & having kids. Just that feeling of one day realizing I regret all of my life's choices.

[OnlyFelipe]

Originally Posted by lost_kitten

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

Dont be sad. It will come in the right moment and when that time comes you'll going to have the best love story. Enjoy your life.

[Maria38Divine]

Originally Posted by lost_kitten

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

Yup, I've never been married, had children or even been in a committed relationship for more than 2 months. Do I still want children? Yes, please. But I don't want to bring a child into this world if I'm not mentally healthy. So how do I deal with not having children? I acknowledge my occasional yearnings, but in the same breath I also thank God I don't have any to pass on this disorder to. I see my friends' children growing up, heading off to high school, college etc and yes, I wonder what that would feel like. But only fleetingly. I don't dwell on it. I don't look at their facebook pics. I don't ask about them. That's my way of coping.

Since I'm not dying to have children, I'm not perturbed about marriage. Do I want a loving companion? Yes, please. However, my desire for company ebbs and flows very, very frequently. So I'm not sure if I'm capable of carrying on a long term relationship. Would still like to try though. . . if only I could find a willing partner who I have chemistry with.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by lost_kitten

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

I've been married and had a child. I know you have asked for replies from people who have not experienced those events, but I think you could use replies from both sides. So please let me say that you are moving "forward" too; if by that you mean time is progressing. But I suspect you think of "forward" as a goal, and the goal is marriage and children?

Here is what I tell my single -but want to be married- friends. Anyone can get married -- hold on it's true. Anyone can. But here is the kicker: Anyone can get married and quickly if the person sets his or her sites low enough.

I know this is true because that is what I did and I suffered because of it. Better to be single than to marry in haste or to marry the wrong person.

So if you do want to be married because you want a loving stable relationship, your goal is to find someone who shares your goal.

That means no wasting time with players, people who are already married or otherwise entangled, don't meet your other qualifications, etc.

And children? There are many ways to interact with children, including adopting or fostering a child by yourself.

A friend of mine wants to be married and have a child. But while I like her very much, I can tell you (and I would tell her if she asked) that she has allowed her personality to become so rigid over the years that she will likely find marriage very stressful and disruptive because she is unwilling to bend over even the smallest of things.

She also has rejected the idea, permanently, of adopting or fostering a child as a single woman.

Sometimes life hands us what might be a very raw deal. But there are ways to achieve happiness if we are willing to think creatively and to be realistic about what we want.

I hope your post opens a helpful dialogue here on this site because it's an important one.

[OtioseM3]

I had always wanted a wife and kids of my own ever since I was around the 9th grade year.
I am 25 now still havent had any relationships no friends no girlfriend. I really want someone to love me as much as I love them. I met a girl online on PS3 and the first day I knew she was a sweetheart we were both so kind to each other. I had been opening up to her shes a great listner btw. I had told her once that I was into her, she told me she shut her self from relationships that she loved her pets more. That made me to have all the more reasons to try and help her try to find answers. With the love triangle going on I been missing out gaming with her since I had family problems and also I was finally getting my life together all because of her I told I could make it work long distance relationship wasnt going to stop me no I am a fighter, never gave up and look I encountered the girl of my dreams. I get soo jealous I need answers needed to know who she as into. I would do anything for her, I want to marry her badly. Cant wait to meet her

[hvert]

LOL, keeping yourself busy with unavailable men drama is a good one

I'm not single, but I'm not married and have no kids. I never really wanted that anyway, but it is weird to see your friends do these things-- it seems like everyone around me is having babies or celebrating milestones with their kid.

I think Facebook is very bad for making people feel insecure about their life choices and circumstances. Most of the friends I see on a regular basis are also childless. If I didn't have Facebook, I am not sure I would notice as much.

[stieg]

Originally Posted by lost_kitten

Anybody out there who has never been married and has no children?
How do you deal with it? I keep on seeing lives of old friends moving forward, people getting engaged, married, having babies while my life is at a standstill. It's not that I don't wish everybody well, but rather it just makes me sink deeper into depression. It feels very lonely.

Same here but i only have my two nephews which i love so much. Sadly these days remaining unmarried and no kids is a sign for the society that we are lazy and don't want to face the real world.

[Atlantea]

Recently divorced with no children

[ChipperMonkey]

I am uber picky. I mean picky BEYOND picky. Then again, it is sort of necessitated by my PTSD and my unwillingness to settle for anyone who doesn't even attempt to support me. I'm in my mid thirties with no children. I think I am finally in a relationship, but then again, I don't really know. Yes, I am a bit clueless, as I've never been able to say I have a boyfriend, so really, I have no clue what is going on. It feels very sad, I mean, that I am just now experiencing things that most go through as a teenager.

Its depressing that other than my brother, I am the only one of all my cousins who isn't married. My now deceased grandfather showed his approval through the gifting of large sums of money for graduations & marriages, and I sadly got none. Yes, I did graduate from grad school, but as the black sheep, of course, I was left out. And of course, no money for getting married....God forbid he give his granddaughter who literally got dealt the crappiest hand in life any money, but noooo. Really, its not about the money, my point is that he showed his approval through $$$$$$$$ and since I never got married, I never got his approval. I don't care about the money.....I am still working through the issue of never getting the approval I wanted all my life (from my mom & her dad), but I will never get it. Ugh. Sorry to ramble, but yes, I come from a family where marriage means you are worthy. Apparently, in their eyes, I am not.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I am uber picky. I mean picky BEYOND picky. Then again, it is sort of necessitated by my PTSD and my unwillingness to settle for anyone who doesn't even attempt to support me. I'm in my mid thirties with no children. I think I am finally in a relationship, but then again, I don't really know. Yes, I am a bit clueless, as I've never been able to say I have a boyfriend, so really, I have no clue what is going on. It feels very sad, I mean, that I am just now experiencing things that most go through as a teenager.

Its depressing that other than my brother, I am the only one of all my cousins who isn't married. My now deceased grandfather showed his approval through the gifting of large sums of money for graduations & marriages, and I sadly got none. Yes, I did graduate from grad school, but as the black sheep, of course, I was left out. And of course, no money for getting married....God forbid he give his granddaughter who literally got dealt the crappiest hand in life any money, but noooo. Really, its not about the money, my point is that he showed his approval through $$$$$$$$ and since I never got married, I never got his approval. I don't care about the money.....I am still working through the issue of never getting the approval I wanted all my life (from my mom & her dad), but I will never get it. Ugh. Sorry to ramble, but yes, I come from a family where marriage means you are worthy. Apparently, in their eyes, I am not.

Your eyes are more important than their eyes when it comes to your own worth. It is through loving and appreciating and understanding ourselves that we can successfully love, appreciate and understand others. You are worth investing the time and $$ it might take to get with a counselor who can help you discover your self-worth.

[offthegrid]

I'm in my 20s I feel the same way sometimes. It is great to see other people be happy but I want that too. I don't care how socially unexceptable it is these days to admit but I will NOT ultimately be happy with my life if I never become happily married and give birth to my own natural children. Because of my religious convictions having children (and activities leading up to that) are not a possibility outside of marriage. I am the youngest member of my immediate family and I don't get along with my extended family. My siblings don't have children. Unless I get married and have children I will be very lonely when I'm older.

I was raised by people who see relationships and sexuality in a very restricted and negative way so I was never receptive to male attention when I was younger. So in dealing with not being married or having kids I've made it somewhat of a priority. I'm not just looking for any man though. I have certain qualities I would like in someone I would consider marrying and I don't give attention to time wasters. When my current bf asked me out I didn't play childish games. I do place priority on my career but not to the extent that I don't have anytime to spend with my bf...it helps that he has a similar goals so our lifestyles don't conflict. Again, this isn't a politically correct solution but I am not spending my 20s pretending this desire doesn't exist and then get surprised to be 50 and never having even dated.