Know-it-alls?

I am curious about whether or not anyone else has this experience.

This weekend I attended a group foraging event. About 15 people participated. Although I have been doing this on my own for a few years, I still feel like I am learning the ropes.

The group was a mix of experts and novices. I found that some of the novices really got on my nerves. It seemed to me like they pretended to have much more knowledge about the subject (and other subjects) than they actually did. I was also frustrated because while what they said seemed like BS to me, other people seemed to believe them.

This happens to me regularly and I am trying to figure it out. I think it is related to feeling like I never know enough about a subject to feel like an expert. I wonder if I am envious of their confidence in their knowledge? Or maybe I just don't like bossy people and they seem bossy to me?

Does anyone else have this happen? My boyfriend said that he doesn't notice it that often.

I work with a know-it-all. I get long lectures about everything under the sun. Sometimes it's just flat-out wrong information. Other times it's bits and pieces pulled from the internet, particularly Wikipedia. It seems to me this person has an extreme need to appear knowledgeable--about everything. Nothing I say will make it stop, so I try to avoid having to listen in the first place and respond blandly "Oh? Huh" in the second.

You might try this, with one caveat. If the person is suggesting something that will bring harm to him or herself or others, calmly bring it to the attention of one of the experts--then let whoever that is handle it.

Sometimes people don't know what they don't know. And sometimes they are blow-hards. It's perfectly fine for you to reply "I've been doing this for a few years and I still feel like I am learning the ropes" or to say nothing at all or to refer them to the experts.

To me, it's not about 'bossy'. It is, however, about know-it-alls or in the case I'm referring to 'think-it-alls' and brother, have you got a dime. lol

This hit's home truly because it dovetails into the hypocritical as well i.e. people who are staunch advocates for people being verbally gobsmacked, but are not above it themselves when (in their minds) confronted with 'inferiors' .....

It can be frustrating but I don't dwell, I simply rinse...and I would advise same for you, with one caveat: If they are an insistent blow hard and it may cause you injury cause others believe the load of tripe...step up or step back but never follow along.

Other than that, you seem to have the wisest angle on a most angular situation...so worry not. There are 'blow hards' everywhere. Recognition is key to dismissal. :P

I tend to not think of someone as a know-it-all if I only know them in one area of knowledge. I tend to take the assumption that maybe yeah, maybe they DO know that. If it seems like they're like that in alllll subject areas... then I just take what they say with a grain of salt, let them blather on, and do my own thing. Unless what they say is potentially dangerous, sexist, racist, etc... in which case I'll speak up.

I tend to feel a lot of empathy in situations like the one you were in - I'd most likely jump to the thought that maybe they were just really nervous and over-compensated, and that then others were really nervous and went along with it out of fear of seeming like an idiot. If there were actual experts in the field around, I'd just refer to what they were saying.

Whew, I'm glad it's not just me. I tend not to say anything to people who do this sort of thing. Sometimes after the fact I've asked others if they had the same opinion I did, and often I'm not the only one thinking that so-and-so doesn't have as much of a clue as he/she thinks.

There was one awkward moment where I was talking with someone about some rare fossils I had recently seen -- there are two places in the world where you can see these things, both in very remote areas. Someone interrupted to tell me I had the name wrong (I didn't). She insisted it was X, then Y, then finally Z. Normally I will drop this kind of thing, as it is possible that the other person is right -- but this person was dead wrong and being so obnoxious about it! Just because she has never heard of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

You have to love the Wikipedia expert. My boyfriend has a coworker who does that -- he will listen to other people's conversations, google what they are talking about, and then try to jump into the conversation with some random (usually wrong) factoid. It's just bizarre. You have to feel sort of sorry for him because he is so clueless about how to interact with people, but it's disruptive and obnoxious behavior.

I suppose I would like to develop a bit more empathy and feel less irritation with these people. I should probably be focusing on feeling more confidence in my own knowledge. Instead of steaming silently, maybe some day I will call them out on the BS and see what happens

It's human nature to want to fit in with the group. Some people just aren't skilled enough and come off as "know it alls". Our schools create this by rewarding, if unintentionally, the kid who raises his hand first over the kid who knows the answer but is introverted and would rather not be noticed. "You know.. your "shy" little Johnny is smart but he needs to learn to speak up in class." Shy, quiet, introverted is "weird" or "bad"... While the pushy know-it-all's often win the "most likely to succeed" award.

It is hard for me when other people's ideas and opinions on a subject don't mesh well with what I think I know. We all wander around with ourselves and I think lots of people are anxious and can't stand to feel they "don't know", it feels like they're lost? So they take what little they may know and decided 2 + 2 = 5 because they, personally, happen to have 5 It makes sense to them based on their experience and imagination but not to someone who has a better grasp of mathematical principles? If we are only going by our limited experience/knowledge right now, it's like the 5 blind men trying to describe an elephant?

Many people go around with very little shame. To them, really knowing is not as important as making people think they know. They are lazy too. Why do all the work to become truly informed when you can do very well by pretending. The other side of the coin is that most people are uncomfortable with calling someone out when they are wrong. They often just end up looking contentious and picky themselves. So the outspoken, B.S.'ers are free to rise to the top of the social and economic food chain. Similarly, we get into trouble when we elect political leaders who we think are "intelligent" based on academic pedigree. Then we realize that real world street smarts can be just as, if not more important.

really, as a 'know-it-all' myself, i can tell you that it is mostly a defense mechanism against unexpected trauma. maybe that is social trauma, which makes sense to me, since so many of the posters have used such nasty terms to describe people who are essentially suffering greatly.

i am exploring the proposition that we only notice the defects in others that we hide in ourselves. likely that means i'm a bigot too. let's all try to improve ?

Gus1234U, I'm sorry - I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings over this thread. I'm mostly interested in understanding my own reactions to these situations. I have a very immediate negative reaction to this situation and I am not sure why.

Know-it-all may not even be the right word. Could you explain more about what you mean by being a know-it-all and why it happens?

I am talking about someone who pretends to have far greater grasp of a subject than they actually do and who lectures and argues with other people over the topic. Sort of like when a person who has no kids has all sorts of advice for parents about how they can better manage things because they read an article in Woman's Day and who would be very dismissive of an actual parent's experience.

I like the 2+2=5 idea. Looking back, I can see that perhaps some people are trying out their ideas and don't really know how aggressive they are coming across.

One of the traits I've found of people that are ASD or Aspergers, they tend to be very information-oriented. They tend to know quite a number of facts about many things that others may not even think about simply because sometimes they are very focused in their scope of interests.

couple this with the fact that many times their ability to interpret and understand social norms in social circles they miss cues related to how they are being interpreted by others. This tends to make them come off as dry, matter-of-fact and many times resulting in looking like a know-it-all. Unfortunately for the people that don't understand this, it's off putting to them.

I'm not calling anyone wrong or faulting anyone for feelign this way about others but just giving an insight into some of the cases with regards to the subject at hand. not all of the so-called "know-it-alls" are aspie or even autism disordered but I am merely pointing out that sometimes this is the case.

Seems to me just like an introvert may choose not to interact as a thing to protect themselves, another type of personality might mask their insecurities using knowledge and factual information.

It's annoying at times but sometimes we just need to take a step back and see that no one's faults are worse than ours and neither are ours less than theirs. We all have issues in life and challenges with our personalities.

I'm sure a lot of the "know it alls" are also equally annoyed by people who are just silent and don't share their opinions.

We all have different ways of coping with our insecurities; some withdraw, others overcompensate. Some direct their negative feelings inside, others direct their negative feelings at others.

Personally, I prefer to have empathy and try to understand where they're coming from or what they're actually getting at - either extreme. I don't know what their past is, so I'd rather not judge them. Sure, I'll some annoyance at either end... but I just remind myself that it's who they are and it's clearly the only way they know how to express themselves. Both ends take a lot of patience and empathy.

I've personally found that "novices" of certain activities or otherwise often are simply trying to find common ground with those who are more skilled or experienced. The "know-it-all" aspect, in my opinion, comes from them attempting to be seen as equals, or at the very least worth talking to about whatever is going on.

Granted there are some people that simply do it for the attention; most are just trying to find a way to get along with people who have been in the game for a while.

Yeah, I'm very familiar with the oversharing some Aspies indulge in. That behavior isn't as offensive as the more manipulative 'fake expert' I notice-- for me, it seems fairly normal give the number of people I interact with who are on the spectrum.

Maybe I am talking more about a BS artist than a 'know it all' to be clear. The 'facts' which the people I am talking about share are often incorrect, which is not the case (in my experience) with people who just can't pick up social cues. Ha ha, it is probably my own Aspie tendencies that make this drive me crazy -- the information is inaccurate!

I am talking about people who pretend to be experts when they really know very little about a topic. It's kind of scary to have people like that around when foraging for wild mushrooms. I know not to listen to them, but do other people?

Hello, hvert. More than once, I have been told I am one of those dastardly know-it-alls, a sciolist and/or an ultracrepidarian.

I like to tell people, with sincerity, if they need a little information, they have come to the right place: I have as little as anyone.

Omg there's BS artists in every place as much as the non bs people lol!

You hit the nail on the head with me on the envy part - due to my upbringing of "shut your mouth and just look pretty" and later a very very conceited husband, I've had many years of not having the privelidge of speaking and making conversation. Add stuttering to the mix and its been a social nightmare lol!

So watching other people boast their knowledge I get feeling the way you do too many times.

This takes practice and some getting used to, but tell yourself that it's okay to let them talk even if they are wrong. It's not worth causing any drama within the social group. BUT --- also please make sure you tell yourself that your voice matters too, and your own knowledge of the subject is just as worthy of attention.

If struggling with sensitivity over 'know it all', another word, since use of the word pretend came about, pretentious? To the point of self righteousness with air of superiority, due to inferior feelings?

What is that expression, about wisdom and being a man of few words?

Fyi, imo, wiki is really, really useful. Some articles are still incomplete, so depth to wiki, goes a long way.

Compassion sided, this could be their only outlet, and in life, nothing else brings about a sense of having knowledge? Homelife dependent. Or just the types that must, must, must be right and center of attention? Depends, you'd know better, than I.

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Hi hvert,

In my experience, people often talk WAY too much about stuff they know little about. Most of the time, in a group setting like you describe, there are a few experts that the rest of the group should be learning from...especially as a safety precaution! Who wants to end up in the hospital from eating the wrong wild mushroom?! (My best friend did that some years ago ...he was alone at the time, though, so he had only himself to blame. He felt really stupid afterwards.)

To me, the "know it all" concept smacks of narcissism, and as such, I am a bit taken aback by the attitude that one is wrong for reacting adversely to such a person. Then again, this is my own personal experience with know it alls, The narcissistic know it all WANTS you to feel wrong. They want you to change. They want you to feel inferior to them. Having grown up with 2 narcissists, I refuse to bow down to their behavior.

Chipper: there are deeeeefinitely people who fit into that category! But what if you don't actually know them and are only encountering them for the first time, such as what the OP experienced? It wouldn't be fair to label everyone a narcissist, and until you know someone better....

Chippermonkey hit the nail on the head for me. I grew up with an outrageously narcissistic father (who was also a liar/bs artist who conned everyone with his crazy stories). In the past few years, I've noticed how often I have recreated that family dynamic in the relationships I've chosen and I'm being very careful about stopping that.

Although this behavior has always bothered me, I'm going through a hyper-awareness period of it and probably a) notice it more and b) am more bothered by it. I don't assume that the people engaging in this behavior are narcissists, but for me, the fact that they share a behavior with my father is where this sort of instant loathing on my part comes in.

Atlantea, what you suggest is what I have been doing, but I am kind of tired of it! I want to figure out a new way to interact. I am trying to be more talkative in general so I can escape some of these interactions where people just talk at me.

I hear you hvert! It takes sooooo much conscious effort and energy to not treat people as if they're the same as my family. My instinct is still "RUN!!!!" or "HIDE!!". I've just had a loooot of experience being stuck where I am, so I learned new techniques and perspectives.

And hyperawareness stinks, doesn't it? With people I'm close to... I notice even the slightest little changes. If they change in a way that reminds me of my family (who have a lot of narcisstic traits themselves) I'm on guard and ready to bolt. Hence the mantra of "they're not my family, don't treat them like they are". haha.

Good luck hvert! It'll take lots of effort but you can totally make changes to how you interact with people. And a lot of time. And a lot of relapes. But don't give up and just keep on trying

Agree with mot of wht you've said except about wiki. :P Not sure how or why that was thrown in there but about the only thing I'll rely on wiki for is information that is already subjective and non-essential like gaming wikis that you go into already knowing that there information is probably subjective. Outside of that, for factual information if I'm going to look for solid info and the wiki is missing source information, I mostly ignore it.

If quotes aren't cited or glaringly at the top, states needs cleaning up or sources, what I mean, it cannot be the only source of use. If I want to learn about history, it's useful. It's not, the end all and be all. In conjunction, with other sources, it's reliable.

I guess, to OP, to have people citing wiki as why they are correct and OP is wrong? Honestly, what's up with people?

To have a scientific paper published, the source list need be as long as the paper for credibility.

Credibility. ..there's the word. How credible is the wiki page being used?

I'd probably pull it, on my phone, at that point. Verify references and nod in agreement or make room for intellectual discussion. 😉

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Quoting wiki as a source is just plain a bad idea. If wiki has reliable information the reason it's relliable is from the cited sources so, if that's the case the original source is what should be quoted, not wiki. Just my thoughts