[Secretum]

I am in a one year masters program. I am a bisexual female, and there is another bisexual woman in my class who has caught my eye. She is super cute, with the most adorable mannerisms. I thought she was cute at orientation, long before I found out that she was bi. I thought she was just another pretty straight girl, out of reach! We have similar career goals, which gives us a lot in common.

She and I have never talked one on one, just in large groups with our other classmates. I didn't think that I was that attracted to her, but a few nights ago I had a dream that she dropped out of the program and I was really sad, haha.

I am really awkward and have never been in a relationship, even though I am 23. I am very self-conscious about this. I really wonder if I am good enough for her, and if there is anything good that she could see in me.

I am thinking about trying to get to know her better as a friend. We have a month off for Christmas, and I think I might ask her to hang out. Do you think that this is a good idea, or will she think that I am creepy? I'm going to talk to my therapist about this, but I appreciate any input from you all.

[jelly-bean]

I think you can ask her to hang out with you but only if you really want to become friends. The best relationships usually start with the couple becoming friends first. Just my opinion.

[Bill3]

What would be creepy about asking her to hang out, so you can get to know each other and hopefully become friends?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I really wonder if I am good enough for her, and if there is anything good that she could see in me.

While Bill has just won the contest for the most succinct yet complete response , I want to point out that SHE might have the same reservations, fears, insecurities, and issues with being self-conscious as YOU. Or might not. That you will find out. But don't assume. I mean - you have read the forums a lot, and although they are not a slice of reality because the posters have MH issues, they are still pretty much about life in general. Anxiety in the US hits 18% of the population so MH is not some sort of a narrow niche. Plus, many people with mental illness have the same issues as those without dx qualitatively; the only difference is quantitative (they suffer more, function less, etc.)

So you have read the forums and know how many people have insecurities, are self-conscious, doubt themselves, overthink and overanalyze, feel vulnerable and exposed, wonder if they are good enough, ETC. A lot. You have read A LOT about this.

It then follows that this young woman also with a substantial likelihood has some issues.

A person can think that only she feels exposed, self-conscious, vulnerable, and, fears rejection, but is it really logically possible that only she feels this way and everybody else is a super hero of assertiveness, high self esteem or what not? It is not possible - just as a whopping 18% are afflicted with anxiety, so (the percentage might differ) a lot of people are afflicted with self-doubt, fear of rejection, and the whole 9 yards.

I am writing this because I hope, and I wish the very best for you as we all do on here since we have watched you grow tremendously in the face of very serious challenges, that you would take this view because it would help you connect with her better.

If you view her as a fellow human who also deals with issues, it would be easier to connect with her as with an equal (a friend or a lover eventually does not matter - an equal); if you view her as a judge who may find you not good enough and who will decide if there is anything good in you for her, then your relationship would from the get-go not be one of equals. It would be your seeking her approval. Not so good. Human-to-human much, much better!

[ptangptang]

Go girl. Nothing creepy about asking her to be a friend. Don't come on too strong though. Suggest someting that you know you both would like to do ( no not that haha) and take it slowly. Like Hammy ( hi Hammy) said, everyone has issues but it's how we deal them and how they impact on others that is important. Don't let that stop you from making friends or something more. Just take it slowly.

[hvert]

It sounds like a great idea to get to know her better! I think it is best to make your non-platonic intentions clear from the start. There's less risk of getting friendzoned later on.

[PennyD]

There's nothing to lose by just wanting to become friends, you never know what may blossom out of it!