[darkcast]

I can't remember ever liking my dad. My mom is often very manipulative when it comes to these issues. Both of them are religious fundamentalists... I remember clearly being beaten as a kid, mostly for being in trouble at school, but the school started using me as a scapegoat for disciplinary actions to improve school statistics. So I was beaten several times a week for several years. I was in a state of being continuously grounded and I vividly remember months on in alone in a room with a bed and a chair, often sitting in the chair, waiting for a beating afraid to move or else cause worse punishment later as did happen occasionally.

I on the other hand... I am isolated, alone except for one friend that I talk to online still. I am becoming increasingly anthropophobic, or afraid of other humans except a select few. I am increasingly avoidant and asocial. When I manage to be with people, I increasingly feel extreme anxiety or simply "gone" like my mind is vanish and I can't describe it. I am plagued by terrible nightmares that often involve me being cut open by a surgeon. That's not the issue here.

I want help. I want to talk to a T. I am 19 and under my parents insurance. I'm not sure I could talk with the T. Last time I tried, I saved up money and made it there, paid, and chickened out only a minute into the session and I ran... My parents don't believe in psychiatry and probably wouldn't pay for it if they did. They would send me to some religious leader or something instead...

My parents want me to get a real job. I do have some cash flowing in from occasionally ghost writing but not a real solid job. I have sent out numerous applications and managed a few interviews. I have been turned down every time. I doubt I could hold most of those jobs due to my psychological problems...

I don't have the money to survive alone and I am being threatened to be kicked out of house. I am still in that same room as I was as a child and I am afraid to leave it. It is my prison... I want to leave and I want to stay here. I only feel safe in here. I feel stuck and homeless. The only time I didn't live here was freshman college, I found it freeing at first, but I couldn't maintain the classes, I couldn't handle the people, anxiety made me insomnia. I got booted from school. In high school I only survived because I had a friend who I followed, acted as proxy. Whenever in public, I normally had unwitting friend as proxy. No longer, college has separated no contact remains.

I want to know how I can communicate to them that I really need help... I don't see what else I can do. I hope you understand me. I need to communicate, I don't know how. Can anyone help me? Can anyone relate?

Cast into darkness

[glok]

Hello, darkcast. You have some extremely troublesome concerns to deal with. Ideally, you could find a place for yourself and get the professional help you seek.

My suggestions:

1. Call the Social Security Administration to see if you are qualified for any program. Contact Social Security
2. Call the State capital, explain your circumstances and ask to be referred to those who handle food stamps, rent assistance, job training and any other program you might qualify for.
3. Call NAMI to see if they may point you in the right direction. NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | State & Local NAMIs

I wish you well.

[hannabee]

Sending hugs and a prayer your way. Hope you can find the strength to find the help you need.

[nicoleflynn]

Getting into therapy is the best thing you can do; find the courage and go to one appointment. Nothing will change unless you do something. That was terrible abuse you suffered; no wonder you feel this way Fundamentalists are the worst....I was one; now no more. Courage!

You can tell your parents it is important to get help, but since they don't believe in that, it won't do any good. You will need to become your own advocate; find resources, etc. Call a hospital and ask to speak to a social worker ...Keep reaching out for help!

[darkcast]

Thanks Glok. I'm not sure if I can set up for benefits. I don't know a lot of the required information and website is confusing.
I'll see if I can contact Nami tomorrow, but I'm nervous about it.

As for now... my parents are leaving for a while. So, maybe I get time to look for help.

I left fundamentalism and became Christian, I would like more chance to practice though...

[IceCreamKid]

If you are insured through your parent's policy, you can contact a doctor or counselor yourself and your patient information in confidential. You don't need their permission to go to a doctor. It might seem scary to go to a counselor the first time, but they are actually kind, caring people. And if you don't like the first counselor, you can go to a second or third until you find one you are comfortable with.

I think if you can manage to get yourself into the counselor's office and say it is difficult for you to talk to him or her, the counselor will take it from there. Courage!

[Perna]

You saved up money to go see a therapist on your own because that is what you wanted, now you want to communicate with someone. Save up ghost writing money and figure out how to move out from your parents' into a room share of some sort (have you any interest in college/school?). I would first get away from your scary/non-helpful/crippling parents and then see about jobs and therapy, etc. I don't think you can get the help you desire or communicate what you need with/to your parents and current resources. Save up money and use it to buy more resources/time for yourself away from your parents.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by darkcast

I can't remember ever liking my dad. My mom is often very manipulative when it comes to these issues. Both of them are religious fundamentalists... I remember clearly being beaten as a kid, mostly for being in trouble at school, but the school started using me as a scapegoat for disciplinary actions to improve school statistics. So I was beaten several times a week for several years. I was in a state of being continuously grounded and I vividly remember months on in alone in a room with a bed and a chair, often sitting in the chair, waiting for a beating afraid to move or else cause worse punishment later as did happen occasionally.

I on the other hand... I am isolated, alone except for one friend that I talk to online still. I am becoming increasingly anthropophobic, or afraid of other humans except a select few. I am increasingly avoidant and asocial. When I manage to be with people, I increasingly feel extreme anxiety or simply "gone" like my mind is vanish and I can't describe it. I am plagued by terrible nightmares that often involve me being cut open by a surgeon. That's not the issue here.

I want help. I want to talk to a T. I am 19 and under my parents insurance. I'm not sure I could talk with the T. Last time I tried, I saved up money and made it there, paid, and chickened out only a minute into the session and I ran... My parents don't believe in psychiatry and probably wouldn't pay for it if they did. They would send me to some religious leader or something instead...

My parents want me to get a real job. I do have some cash flowing in from occasionally ghost writing but not a real solid job. I have sent out numerous applications and managed a few interviews. I have been turned down every time. I doubt I could hold most of those jobs due to my psychological problems...

I don't have the money to survive alone and I am being threatened to be kicked out of house. I am still in that same room as I was as a child and I am afraid to leave it. It is my prison... I want to leave and I want to stay here. I only feel safe in here. I feel stuck and homeless. The only time I didn't live here was freshman college, I found it freeing at first, but I couldn't maintain the classes, I couldn't handle the people, anxiety made me insomnia. I got booted from school. In high school I only survived because I had a friend who I followed, acted as proxy. Whenever in public, I normally had unwitting friend as proxy. No longer, college has separated no contact remains.

I want to know how I can communicate to them that I really need help... I don't see what else I can do. I hope you understand me. I need to communicate, I don't know how. Can anyone help me? Can anyone relate?

Cast into darkness

i can relate..i hate my parents..they abused me verbally/physically and psychologically.

i talk to them maybe once or twice a year, when they are "checking up" to see if i am ok.

now they want to give a damn because they are getting older and know they are going to die soon..fart as i'm concerned..save it.

anyhoo..i hope things get better for you, parents do a lot of damage and i think they either fail to realize it or just don't GAF.

hope things get better for you

[darkcast]

Not very many people in school at the moment. It's the summer. So... I don't get much ghost writing during summer. And of course I need to know the subject matter of the writing, it's limited to mostly history, english and biology. I don't care much for school, but the ridiculousness of today's society will force me to go back to college. All I want is a microbiology labratory where I can work alone, recieve adequate work/pay and be able to afford buying books, games, and the occasional movie.

I am thankful for your advice, but I don't know how to do half of that stuff. I don't know that I'm able... Either I have no desire to try to... as is most of the time (it might be worth noting that I'm being pushed into pursuing this by my probably soon to be changing circumstance)... but when I get pushed, I am filled with a lot of anxiety. Even writing this is almost unbearable... I can hardly imagine a phone call!
How do I communicate... this is difficult for me... I would like hints or tips on how to talk to the people I am required to communicate with. If not my parents, then the people at the government or the T, or whatnot... I would feel a bit more comfortable...