[cryingontheinside]

Im going to be starting court proceedings to have my children live with me and my ex husband and his wife are bullying and hitting my daughters. Ive just found out today from my younger daughter that her dads sister is going to try and get custody. How dare she do this. Social services are more than happy that i go for custody and they say i wont be peanalised for having mental health as i am now on medication and have a support network. The social worker was really happy with me for changing my life around but now i find out this. How dare she. She was acting like she was on my side but now i find out she has an alterior motive to steel them away. She has her own daughter now, why cant she leave mine a loan. I cant believe i trusted her. How could she do this to me? She is a mother. How would she like it. Ive already been through one custody battle and at the time i hadnt been diagnosed but was self medicating with alcahol. I now havent drank in a year and am on medication. Ive turned my life around but that doesnt stop people sabatarging my life. Another huge court battle????? If i loose custody of my kids again and she gets them and dont want to live, life has thrown enough **** on me and i want the chance to be a good mum. Scared and angry.

[Pikku Myy]

I will be thinking about you hope it works out for you.

[ifst5]

What a nasty situation. I hope you and your daughters achieve peace and stability. All the best.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Im going to be starting court proceedings to have my children live with me and my ex husband and his wife are bullying and hitting my daughters. Ive just found out today from my younger daughter that her dads sister is going to try and get custody. How dare she do this. Social services are more than happy that i go for custody and they say i wont be peanalised for having mental health as i am now on medication and have a support network. The social worker was really happy with me for changing my life around but now i find out this. How dare she. She was acting like she was on my side but now i find out she has an alterior motive to steel them away. She has her own daughter now, why cant she leave mine a loan. I cant believe i trusted her. How could she do this to me? She is a mother. How would she like it. Ive already been through one custody battle and at the time i hadnt been diagnosed but was self medicating with alcahol. I now havent drank in a year and am on medication. Ive turned my life around but that doesnt stop people sabatarging my life. Another huge court battle????? If i loose custody of my kids again and she gets them and dont want to live, life has thrown enough **** on me and i want the chance to be a good mum. Scared and angry.

Unfortunately you cant control what other people do. if you are in the USA in regards to court and trying to get custody of or over someone else anyone whether that person is a relative or not can at any time go to court to try to obtain custody over an abusive parent, or even an adult who they feel is not taking care of their selves.

example we get many grandparents, neighbors, and friends coming in the crisis center that I work at reporting abuse of a child or adult and they decide to go through the court system to obtain custody of that person so that the person being abused does not have to be in the foster care system or a nursing facility. we even get cases where complete strangers who witness abuse of a child, through helping that child by intervening helping that child to safety they form a bond and choose to become that childs foster parent or guardian legally.

thats just the way america is, we have the freedom to do what we want in abuse cases, we as humans can look the other way or we can help that child get out of that abusive home, and regardless of the relationship or lack there of a relationship can take court action to see that that abused person is safe,and has a safe place to live.

Im not saying that those who go through the court system to obtain guardianship over a child will win. thats in the hands of the courts, social services. what I can tell you is that here in NY if there is a parent that meets all the criteria for being able to safely,provide that child with a stable home, the courts side with the parent rather than another relative, friend or stranger/foster system.

if this other person trying to gain custody was here in NY they would have to undergo the same social services investigation, mental/physical health investigation that the biological parents do. even in situations where parents have died and a family of relatives are at war all trying to gain custody have to go through the same process before a court will award anyone custody. because the court system will do whats best for the children, not whats best with the adults fighting with each other over who gets the child like some treasured object rather than a small human being.

another thing that happens here in NY when children are involved/the focus of a court case, the court appoints that child a lawyer who will talk with the children and take into consideration of what that childs needs and wants are.

my suggestion stay calm, breath and let the court system do the stressing out. if it turns out the court awards the children to someone else well all is not lost, you can appeal, or you can petition the court for custody at a later date after you have completed what ever goals/requirements the court has set in order for you to become the childrens custodial parent.

I know its not easy and its stressful to be in this situation but the most important thing is the children. so my next suggestion is as hard as it is to do try and put that in the front of things and your problems with this other person in the background.

[cryingontheinside]

I dont treat my children like an object thank you very much. I love them.

[cryingontheinside]

Social services agree with me. This other woman has alterior motives. She has problems concieving. She managed to have one child by miracle. She only wants the children so her daughter has sisters. She would not treat them the same as the own daughters. She has screamed at my autistic daughter and made her cry. I have never abused my children. I was just mentally un well and un diagnosed. Now i am getting the appropriate help and on medication so no need to self medicate. I came on here for support not judgment.

[healingme4me]

I clicked thanks to the information about the NY system. I read it, informational, non judging.

It's tough to be involved in custody battles, of any kind. Emotional sensitivity rises. Most of the states follow a standard system, all states do, a couple have extra measuring tools that include international laws as primary difference.

I feel most systems desire the nuclear biological family in tact, and the guardian's be either of the parents.
The fact you are making strides in recovery and under care, speaks volumes, is how I feel, personally and the perspective I read the words above, covering legality in wording, imo.

It's easier said than done, to not let another's motives, as your former sister in law, eat at you, it's necessary to come accross, clear, direct, sincere, unaffected by the experience.

Hope all turns out in your favor, keep us posted.

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you. I will try my best

[healingme4me]

It's hard, that's why we all reach for support.

[Lady Courtesan]

We have all been in the same place, as far as thinking we are cra-cra, using booze and drugs and finally begin to get out life together.

But I must defend AmandaLouise. If you will reread the sentence you found offensive, you will see that she is only making a mataphore about the way some parents act. But it seemed she was totally on your side.

I also wish you well, and hope that you get stablized in your treatment and get your precious daughters back. I see no reason to mistreat any child, especially one who is autistic. I hope the court takes that into consideration wish only the best for you.

[cryingontheinside]

I do have bpd so its my trait to notice and focus on the negative and blow it out of proportion. Also despite by bad spelling i do know about the law. I didnt find it to be supportive, it seemed like it was prusumed i know nothing about the law and suggested i had no right to be upset and didnt have my priorities right. My thinking could be totally wrong and you cant judge a persone tone that they are writing in. Maybe i am wrong, i dont know. I wish now that i hadnt written anything about it now to be honest. If im wrong about what i thought it was meant like then i am sorry but if im not wrong then im not sorry for sticking up for myself.

[iceberg28]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Social services are more than happy that i go for custody and they say i wont be peanalised for having mental health as i am now on medication and have a support network. The social worker was really happy with me for changing my life around but now i find out this.

I now havent drank in a year and am on medication. Ive turned my life around.

Dear Crying-

People often have the misconception that they will automatically win custody bc the ex-wife/sign other- had a substance problem. This is not true. One of my closest friends IS a children's social worker. First, as the mother- you already have that going for you. Although times are changing- in many states- the judge still favors the mother- when the dad vs. mom playing field is level.

Secondly- it does make things MUCH MORE difficult when Mom has an addiction problem- But only in the beginning. The court- as you know- will mandate a treatment plan- but as long as you follow it- lose custody in its ENTIRETY- is very rare- and only happens should Mom relapse. Since you're talking about your kids' aunt- i'm assuming dad isn't a candidate for custody in any way? Is this bc he is deemed incapable by the court? This works in your favor tremendously. The court will go above normal protocol- if dad is not available- to make sure mom stays on the path of recovery- so that she can have custody of her kids.

As long as you're doing what you're supposed to do- you'll be fine.

As for the scheming aunt- put yourself in her shoes- your ex husband was probably telling her lies, or exaggerating the extent of your substance issues- making her feel that she needs to take these kids from their mother. She probably has a lawyer- if so- this lawyer will certainly have advised her to not let you know about her pursuing custody- until the last possible minute.

My friend told me about an incident when mom and dad were fighting each other for custody- and when they got to court- they find out- at that moment- that a third party- one of the sets of grandparents- had entered the case with an attorney- in an attempt to fight and get SOLE custody from both parents!!

You have a right to react angrily. Its definitely a sucky situation - to feel so betrayed.

Best Regards

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you iceburg 28. That was really helpful. It made alot of sense to me.

[psych spouse]

How old are your girls ? Have they expressed where they want to be ? How often do you see them ? Are there any marks on the girls ? Are they afraid ?
Be sure to express your concerns and how this affects you with your therapist.
Remember the courts want to hear what is "the best interest of the children.Thats what you have to focus on.Do not bad mouth other family members.You are there to express your love and well being of the children.

[lilypup]

Best wishes and continued good health to you. Staying sober and getting proper meds is a HUGE step forward for both you and your children.