[TEAFORTWO]

Ok, this is my first real post.
I have been married for 18 years and have 3 lovely children. I am not sure if I just opened my eyes or it has just gotten worse. My husband drives me crazy. I have got to say he is the most negative person I know. You would swear he was a woman, the constant nagging, yelling and lecturing. The glass is always half empty and everyone has it better than us.

I grew up with nothing so I am appreciative of everything I have and you take what life hands you and deal with it. He can not handle stress at all. It is at the point, I can't stand him - but I love him.

I could go on and on. Thanks for listening. Any advise on how to handle someone with this type of personality and still be able to function and be a happy person?

Hi Teafortwo,
I don't know. He sounds like a bummer. Can you humor him in respectful kind of way?
I lived with a room mate like that and she made me crazy. I had to stay away from her. But you can do that with a roommate-it's not so easy with your husband.
Humoring him is the only thing I can think of. Sometimes grumpy can be kind of cute if you look at it in a certain direction. Sort of like the King of Siam in The King and I. He was very grumpy but kind of cute and cuddly. You think?
I know this probably wasn't very helpful but I hope you find a way to live with him and still function as a happy person.

[Direction]

I'm there with you...

Having gone through some martial counseling. I did all the dishes and my spouse would always nag if there was soap accidentally left on the a dish. Sometimes she would claim that a she could taste the dishsoap on a cup.

The counselor suggested that I leave her plate out separate from the rest of what was set on the table, and let her know that her plate is all set for her to rinse as she pleases.

Anyways, I always tried my hardest to provide for our family and did many chores.

I often had thoughts about not rinsing the dishes at all or putting dry clean only clothes in the wash. Just to prove a point. I never did...

Anyway, there wasn't much that was ever good enough. Vehicles, clothes, house, etc.

I'm not sure I've given any advice...

Keep to the high road and try not to sink to the levels I had thoughts about.

Not sure if this helps, but I found it humorous in an odd sort of way.

[Wants2Fly]

(((((((((((((((((TEAFORTWO))))))))))))))))))))

[Wants2Fly]

btw, that means a hug -- I was here for quite a long time before I asked --

[SpazKatt]

I would try to not personalize it, listen to what he has to say and realize that he is not critisizing you, but himself. It's really difficult not to get wrapped up in that stuff. I've been learning to distance myself from my mom when she does stuff like that. It's hard but it's made my life so much easier. I don't do exactly what I want or what I want, I try to compromise so we're both happy. I'm not really sure if this is helpful to you or not. Good Luck *HUGS*

[SpazKatt]

BTW WELCOME!!!

All I can say is that I understand your situation perfectly. I could have written this.

I have no advice dear one. I just hope for you, because you love him, that is does get better.

Take care of yourself.

[Rhapsody]

What was it about HIM that YOU once liked? - that which pulled you toward him in the beginning.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[TEAFORTWO]

Thanks Rhapsody,

I probably should have seen it from the beginning. After we were married a month or so, I can remember crying telling him I can't take all this stress, I need to go talk to a priest. Well I never did. I guess I got numb to it. I had alot of numbing to do. I grew up in a house that there was no yelling at all and my parents didn't argue in front of us.

Anyways, he seemed like the person you would want to settle down with. He doesn't drink or smoke and has good values. As time moved on and there was more stress in our lives, with kids and etc... it only got worse.

He does have some good qualities. He is a very supportive dad. He never misses any of their activities. Although the kids get the brunt of him pushing them with their grades and activities, especially in sports. Sometimes it is just relentless. When I try and say something, he'll say I wish I had someone pushing me when I was younger. And I'll tell him, with the way you approach it, you make them seem hopeless. There are times when he goes overboard and will apologize to the kids.

Right now I deal with it by distanting myself from him. Either I'm reading a book or will go watch TV somewhere else. At times, I sit there bracing myself for his next tirade.

Thanks to everyone this is doing me wonders.

[Rhapsody]

YOU are WELCOME..... for I too find it easier (at times) to dwell on the negative and forget the vast amount of good.

If I may? - Please look into reading a book that has greatly helped me: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die - for both you and your husband, even the kids can learn from it.

LINK: http://psychcentral.com/reviews/show...oduct/74/cat/5

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

LINK: http://4-womenonly.com/index.aspx

LINK: http://formenonlybook.com/index.aspx