Just got broken up with over text message. AGAIN.

Second time in about a year.

I'm wondering how I pick these people, because clearly I am the common factor in all these relationships. One of my friends tells me that I shouldn't think that way, that I have no way of knowing what the other person is capable of doing, and no control over what they choose to do. I'm not sure if I agree.

Things have been difficult, but he pursued me through all our ups and downs (mostly my downs) over the last couple of months. However, we are both on meds and have opposite side effects because of them: His sex drive is heightened whereas mine is diminished. It's really the worst combination.

I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, and it was dreadful timing that I met him at the beginning of another emotional down-swing. I tried to stay communicative during all of that because I needed him to know that none of it had anything to do with him. I tried to express my appreciation and affection for him. I'm sure I could have done better, and maybe I should have forced myself to do more, but I believed him when he said he wanted things to go "one day at a time", and that he wasn't going anywhere.

I didn't believe he would choose to do this to me, especially since he knew my ex broke up over text message and he spoke vehemently about how cowardly and disrespectful it was. But recently, after a week of terse, one-word text message replies from him (and no answers when I tried to call) he finally admitted he was "frustrated with [me]" but he couldn't say why because he "didn't want to pressure [me]" (ie. discuss our mismatched sex drives).

Then he said, "There's no point in talking about it", and "It's my problem, not yours". After three days of nothing he messaged me again today:

"I guess we are done". And, "Are we?"

I haven't replied. The guy put in such effort to allow me the time to open up, but then after only two months he wants to throw in the towel over the fact we haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I think sex is extremely important in any intimate/romantic relationship, but I need time to get there and he has spent the last 8 weeks telling me that he wants me to take as much time as I need.

I get that he has to do what is right for him, and it sucks, but being respectful and kind to both parties at least could have "left the door open" for a later possibility. I'm just done with dating people who can turn on a dime like this. The last time I saw him I thought we had a great evening.

Now this.

I don't understand how I deserved to be treated like that for the past week-and-a-half. And I'm really hurt and insulted he chose to break up with me over text message.

I'm sorry it had to end like that. That's very sad...

Wow! I'm a bit disgusted, to be quite honest. I had a relationship go nipples up, partly because I refused sex (yes, and I'm even a guy! SHOCKER! xD) because I didn't feel "ready", comfortable, or trusting enough of the woman. She would get frustrated, keep asking about it, keep trying to seduce me (granted, there were times that was pretty intense, in a good way, but it was also hurtful... mixed emotions lol) and I just started to resent her because she couldn't respect how I wasn't ready and all that. It's not like I wasn't ... involved with her, ... I was most definitely "involved". Ah well. Ho hum. I think maybe I can relate to you in a way... maybe? Hope you have more luck with the next one. xD

EDIT:

Seriously, I'm disgusted. (in him) Over sex, FFS? Ergh... don't get me wrong, I have man bits, I have plenty of "desires", but to break up with a woman over that, in that way, because she wasn't ready? Harsh... and by text? Brutal. Granted, he didn't ACTUALLY break up with you... you, in effect, broke up with him by not answering his question. Better off without him, to be honest, ... unless there was something else, and you jumped to conclusions. (would totally understand that) Ah, what do I know... I don't the full story.

EDIT2:

Maybe he felt a bit like how I suspect my ex felt... rejected; as though they weren't attractive to the other party, as though they weren't enough.

He really doesn't sound like you want him anyway. Keep your options open.

Are...are we the same person? You just described exactly what happened with one of my old relationships(I'm a guy too). Pretty crappy things had to end the way they did.

As for the OPs post, I am very sorry that had to happen like that. Nobody deserves to be treated in such a way. And I have to agree with your friend, you cannot know what another person may be capable of and what they may do in the future, and you certainly cannot control it. You did not deserve to be treated that way at all. I hope you feel better.

And now I just got the break-up phonecall to follow up the break-up text message.

Apparently I talk too much about emotions.

Well, that's what you get when you try to date a reforming Depressive. They need to talk about how they feel.

I do not intent to sound flippant or dismissive, I know being broken up with is hard no matter the circumstance. But honestly, from the sounds of it, you're simply just better off without him if that's the way he's going to be. I hope you can find someone more deserving of you.

It wasnt a healthy relationship obviously. Maybe look at yourself and find out what qualities you want in a partner and dont be in a rush to be a "couple" ....just date .. I think everyone forgets to just date a person and get to know them .

Good luck. Im sure you have better luck next time

This sounds really painful but if this is the kind of guy he is, then perhaps it's a blessing in disguise you broke up before investing too much into the relationship.

My latest relationship was long-distance and he definitely chased me from the start. Maybe I was too aloof and didn't return him enough attention, but he gradually stopped texting and FaceTiming and one day his social media started filling up with this new chick (and captioned with the things he used to tell me). I guess I was just another of the list of girls and he gave up because the distance made it hard for anything physical to happen.

I'm really done with guys who are in it for sex. I respect you for not giving in earlier because these guys just aren't worth it. Hope you find someone who can cherish you and your values soon.

Nope, I think you are completely on-the-head about this one. I'm actually not hurting that much over it.

In fact, afterwards I wrote this on my arm in permanent marker using BIG, capital letters:

I DESERVE BETTER.

Because I do. And if I start missing him in the next week or so, I just have to look down at my arm to remind myself of the fact.

Thanks for all the kind ears and kind words, everyone