I don't understand why he rejected me?!?

I was on a date with someone I've seen off and on for the last 6 months last night. We had sex 3 hours before we went up to my room - we were laying in bed & I asked him if I could "get on top of him" he said no, he wasn't in the mood. So like an hour passed and I was like "Are you sure you don't want me to get on top of you?" and he was like no, I'm too tired. I was really in the mood so for the last time I said "Can I just get on top of you?" He literally got out of bed, put on his pants, put on his shirt, grabbed all of his stuff off my bedroom dresser, left my bedroom, and left my house without saying bye or saying anything. I was crying for a good while afterwards because I felt so confused and horrible about what happened. Please help me make sense of this, I guess I asked him too many times but to just leave like that so fast?

Which part of "no I'm too tired" was confusing for you?

He wasn't rejecting you, he was rejecting more sex.. there's a distinct difference.

It wasn't nice of him to leave without a goodbye, but it wasn't exactly nice of you to pressure him continuously either...

Probably best to "take care of yourself" if you find yourself in this predicament again.
Certainly beats feeling the way you do now...

Next time, get him to sign and notarize written statements. Otherwise you can never be sure...

Apart from Trippin's advice, what one can recommend is something like GENTLY (GENTLY!!!) running your fingers through his chest hair, if he has it, stroking his cheeks, you get the point. If he does not respond, stop there. That is indirect, low-key, and subdued. this method won't get the guy out the door running, at least.

I actually think that he reacted to being nagged. He rejected the idea that he was there to be nagged not once, not twice, but thrice.

I know I already feel bad about that on top of everything else, just the way he left without a word, he couldn't get out of there fast enough, almost like I totally freaked him out or he was pissed or something.

Though he had a reason to be upset his respond was childish. People in healthy relationships can talk about these things without being passive aggressive.

Uhm, please, stop the presses.

Let's flip gender roles for a second. If it was a guy pressuring a girl for sex, the guy would STILL be the jerk! Everyone would be cheering on the woman for getting up and leaving. What? Because he's a guy he's supposed to give in to pressure tactics? What gives?

You were pressuring him for sex and he didn't want it. Why are you playing the victim now?

Oh give her a break. Why is she taking responsibility for the entire gender roles issues of society?

He clearly wasn't being listened to... so why stay? It would have been polite of him to go "Look, I've said no, I want to sleep. So I am going to go home and sleep."... but then, you weren't polite either, and he likely felt like you wouldn't listen seeing as you hadn't the past few times.

You could always apologize and ask him directly why he felt the need to get up and leave instead of sleeping over.

Honestly I understand WHY he left, and I understand that I should not have "nagged" or "pressured" him, so the hostility can stop, thanks. My main concern was the WAY he left so abruptly without any talking at all. I guess the title was misleading as to "I dont understand why he rejected me" but I was mostly saying that it was very odd to me that he just left in such a hurry as if he was running away from me! This is painful and its never happened before, I guess you guys just had to be there to understand what it was like, its not like I was on my knees begging him to have sex with me. But I might as well have been because he acted that disgusted. Embarrassing and hurtful and just awful.
I spent all day on the verge of tears and my stomach in knots asking all my friends about this, half of them were saying it was all my fault, and the other half were saying he was out of line to be that cold and weird about it. I was just looking for some advice or comfort on here, not a slap on the wrist and blame. Not why I came here. I already feel like s*** about it.

How would you have felt if it were the other way around? How would you have reacted?

I can say I probably would have reacted in a similar fashion to him except perhaps with a few less than friendly words thrown in. Of course I am not known for my healthy reaction to things.

There is a good chance he was running away from you. Possibly because he was afraid he would say/do something he would later regret.

The way he went about things was probably not the healthiest or politest way but it is understandable.

The answer seems to me to simply be that he was angry and so his actions in that moment were those of anger. We all know that anger is not the most rational or polite of emotions.

His leaving abruptly was his talking to you.

Talking does not always happen as in "and now let us go through the slides of our presentation and discuss discuss discuss".

You asked about being on top, once. He said "no".

You did not understand the language of a verbal "no".

So eventually, after he exhausted the tools of verbal language, he got up and left, which was his way of talking and revealing his exasperation.

It is not any better or worse than your way of talking. It is just a different mode of talking.

I believe ChipperMonkey's post was more directed at the reaction, doyoutrustme, in reacting as if he was being immature for leaving like that wherein most situations if the roles were reversed, the guy would still be the jerk. It is not any one individual's fault but the perpetuation of it is a problem and needs to be noted. If I say "no," three times and then leave, the problem shouldn't be put on me being immature, I think walking away was a pretty good thing to do, maybe not in the way he did, but emotions can get the better of us in those situations, it's not childish. I'm not trying to start anything, either by the way, just clarifying what I believe is happening.

Cosmic Rose, I'm not chastising you but I feel like the question pretty much answered itself. He probably was either freaked out or upset. It would have freaked me out and if, like Hamster-Bamster said, verbal cues were ignored, there is nothing talking can do at that point and I would have up and left as well.

I agree, if a guy had to ignore my "no" 3 times, I would definitly give up on talking and just leave as fast as possible.

Also, if I did the above, then I definitly would be applauded if I decided to post about it.

Ok cool no offense but I feel 10x worse after reading the majority of these responses.

Hey, don't feel bad

It looks as though people are just trying to give you insight. No one is attacking you

I don't think there is much to understand here to be honest. He simply had enough of you asking him. There is nothing to be worried about, simply just hear him when he says no. Maybe you didn't read the signs as a definite no, so just take this as a leaning curve and know for next time!

I'm sorry, it sucks to be rejected like that. I don't think this is atypical guy behavior -- a lot of men act very quickly on decisions they make. He decided that he didn't want to be there anymore and left abruptly. I've had people do that to me before. The next time you are in a group situation, watch how people make their exits - it's interesting.

I wouldn't get too worked up about this, if you can help it - you can apologize for asking repetitively the next time you see him and tell him that you didn't appreciate him just walking out like that, even if he was annoyed.

Thanks Hvert, I spent too much time obsessing and crying over this today - guess my ego was bruised. I guess its because I'm a 22 yr old attractive woman and I've never had a guy flat out reject me like that and allme was right I wasn't really taking his "no" seriously. It was just a weird situation and especially "freaking him out" or worse, "creeping him out" makes me feel like a total disgusting sleezeball. Ugh.

You are not a sleezeball because of what happened..you didn't take his no seriously so tested the ground. It would only make you a 'sleezeball' if you continued to do the same thing knowing what you know now.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Maybe his ego got bruised. He was so completely satisfied that he could barely move, and you were not satisfied and wanted another go. Maybe he felt inadequate that he didn't make sure you were completely satisfied. Maybe he was reading way more into your questions than you meant. Maybe he felt you were subtly shaming him for his not being good enough. Maybe he left because he was embarrassed, or ashamed that his body could not do it again, or feeling insecure and running away was easiest.

We women are not the only ones who feel attacks of self-doubt when the clothes come off. We would prefer to hear a reason for his abrupt departure, and he was not capable of giving you one at that time.

This could open up a line of communication between you two, so don't just automatically assume "he's a jerk" and write him off. See what happens in the light of day, fully dressed, before giving up on him.

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I don't think I would have acted quite like THAT, but I definitely understand why that was frustrating.

An ex of mine was terrible at accepting "no" (especially when it came to "sex") and it was partly what drove me away from her, not before causing a bunch of issues. It was incredibly frustrating... like we're supposed to be all gentlemanly about saying "no", but women are exempt for this rule?

I get that you were "horny" as all balls, but he obviously wasn't in the mood, not to mentioned you guys not long already had sex. Some people don't work that quickly.

Anywho, to simplify:

He rejected you because you were pestering him when he already said no, and it probably irritated him. There may have been another reason, but, based on what you've told us, I see no other likely reason.

And may I add; he wanted sleep and it seemed clear he wasn't gonna get any with you, so he went away as quickly as possible to go do that. Being very tired does make you act differently. IMHO.
Don't beat yourself up, just remember to be respectful next time. No means No, no matter who says it, man or woman.

I couldn't possibly agree more.

But how many twenty something men, don't go for more, several hours later???

Sounds like things were in a rough patch anyways? ?

He could have been a little better and say, listen babe, you wore me out, let's sleep on it.

But no....storms out because naked woman wants sex...

If there was any alcohol involved in the evening, there could be all sorts of ED issues. My ex was in his mid twenties the 1st time he experienced it, and he was so flabbergasted and angry that his body refused to do what his brain wanted it to. I recall a good nights sleep went far to cure the issue.

We can speculate but we will never know what was on his mind unless OP asks and gets an honest answer.

Maybe his wife was expecting him home? Maybe he had work early the next morning. Maybe he only brought one condom. Maybe maybe maybe, no definite until he spills it.

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