I don't understand why he rejected me?!?

He also could have left out of caution, to prevent an escalation of emotions, an outburst of anger, a confrontation, etc.

if that was the case, his swift departure was laudable - he cared to prevent things from becoming much, much worse.

Note that you believe that women who are young and who are attractive have special entitlements. Just mentioning this in case you did not pay attention to your own post.

Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking. I even kept talking to him while he was getting dressed so quickly like "What is the deal? I don't understand" and he didn't even look at me, just left.

It does seem callous in it's own way, to up and leave. Were there any signs that the relationship itself was on rocky ground?

Yeah there was alcohol involved that evening, we weren't drunk though but he had been drinking previously to coming over (he lives down the block, actually) so he just walked over and told me he already had a few beers. No wife, no work the next morning, but it was on a Friday which means he was probably at work all day that day. He has always been a little pissed at me because I wasn't ready to marry him last year. He told me recently he has issues trusting me, so there was a rough patch we had been through in the past.

Yeah we had issues in the past. He was also on medication for his add and depression, which he has told me before that it either makes him less interested in sex or he can't preform. But I don't know if that was the issue or if he just got disgusted by me asking three times.

You nagged - thrice - a guy who warned you that he could have performance issues?

And you then found his departure callous? And asked what the big deal was?

I think Trippin might have suggested it up at the top of the thread, so let me just make it more specific - why would you not, say, ask him to cradle you why you masturbate in his arms???

PS

I kind of thought that you first see an erection and then ask whether you can ride it (well normally you just go ahead and do it, but if you are inclined to ask, then you can ask, of course).

I cannot even picture asking a sleepy, tired, flaccid guy on antidepressants if you can jump him, and not once not twice but thrice.

I am sorry - it is not that we are attacking you, but just trying to figure out what happened.

On the surface it is hilarious. I hope you can see the humorous part in it.

That probably would have still freaked him out and made him leave because when I said "Can I get on top of you" the second* time I meant to cuddle, like with my head on his chest and he was acting like he was falling asleep so he even said just roll over and when I did he put his hand on my waist, so I think if I started masturbating near/on him he would have done the exact same thing.

I think this was perhaps the breaking point, in your relationship. Relationships don't just end over being asked three times in any given evening. Too bad he wasn't more honest with you about leaving and his emotions. Seems it may have been on his mind, ending things?

HamBam...It was Me who classified it callous.

I see - so you tried those things to no avail.

Some people value sleep above all else, sex included. I am one of them. If you are with such a person, it is best to respect their preference for sleep.

yup - I was referring to Cosmic's agreement with that classification. Sort of a secondary opinion. I should have clarified that.

Got your point on callous.

It was up to him, to be upfront about what he will and will not tolerate from the beginning.

I personally don't value sleep over sex, but I do value sleep over talking. And sleep over arguments above all. I don't choose to not be upfront about such things.

I feel bad the OP is taking 100% blame for this. Takes two to tango...

Or if it's about performance anxiety, he could just take care of her needs, worry about himself later? What woman wouldn't like being treated like a queen in that regard?

Lol I think this experience scarred me a little bit, I will probably never ask a guy outright ever again.

((((Cosmic Rose))))

Don't lose faith. I know how you are feeling, and this was certainly a traumatic moment. I, too, am less inclined to ask, due to something in my past. Yet, there's good guys out there. Sometimes feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. But they exist. Perhaps on a similar plane/alternate/ parallel universal playing field. Going through similar struggles.

At a certain age and tired of unfulfilling sexual experiences, I had to force myself to ask for what I needed. And I also stopped caring that it was embarrassing to say something. I began to find fulfillment around age 30, way too late in the game. Speak up sooner, it's worth it!

Then if the guy runs off, at least you know you did your best to get what you needed, and it's his issue that sent him away.

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Thank you StressedMess! My friend Kyle said "At least he made it really easy for you to realize he wasn't the right man for you. So thank him for that." Which is so true, he made it really easy lol

Cool! Now don't waste another moment worrying about his reaction. He'll come around again, or he won't. Next time you see him you'll be in the drivers seat.

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& Imagine if I actually did marry him last year...Where would he run off to if we were married? The living room couch? That marriage wouldn't have lasted. So, all's well that ends well.

But he was trying to sleep. And, he had sex with Cosmic not a long time ago. think he was entitled to rest.

not every guy you would be with will have warned you of his sexual problems due to medications right?

you are overgeneralizing from experience. from one extreme to the other, missing the midpoint

The problem is not that you asked it is that you didn't listen to the answer.

No means no.

I understand that sometimes people do not always mean it but it is not your place to assume they don't.

In these situations it is always best to assume they mean it. If they don't they will no doubt approach you.

I've found some of the posts here a touch close to victim blaming. He said NO people.

I don't think OP meant anything malicious by what happened and I'm sure it was an honest mistake but I can't blame him for his reaction.

The point now is to accept you made a mistake and learn from it.

NB: I find myself a touch triggered by this post so my reaction is probably more emotionally charged than I like but I've done my best to keep it civil.

While I do not mean to make the OP feel bad it also feels like some of you are making him out to be a bad person for not giving in.

Of course I didn't mean anything malicious by it.
He had past sexual trauma when he was a boy so I think I struck a nerve somehow, but I really didn't mean to freak him out like that I totally didn't think he would respond that way. It really shocked me.

I concede on the point about respecting boundaries. At the same time, it doesn't sound like a guy who understood himself enough to, at some point say to Cosmic Rose,,
You know what? When I am falling asleep, I do not like to be disturbed. If you try to prevent me from sleeping by enticing me, I will leave the relationship.

Boundaries are only boundaries when clearly stated. Otherwise it's pent up resentment. Resentment destroys relationships.

THIS is a good point. In asking for what I need I concede that others can't read my mind or understand my signals. I'm famous for a passive-aggressive "I'm fine!" when I'm anything but. I only recently began learning about boundaries, again way too late in the game.

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