[AS6855]

A friend of mine had an unplanned pregnancy a few years ago and I lost touch with her when her child was about 1. I reconnected with her tonight and I found out she is pregnant again.
Now I know she is still with the father of her other child and I know that he is an unapologetic arsehole who is at time emotionally abusive. For most of her pregnancy and up until I lost touch he was threatening to leave in a way that made it seem like he couldn't care either way if they were in his life. So this news obviously had me a little shocked.
What I did not expect was the fear and uncertainty in MYSELF that this news brought.

I thought about it and I think I narrowed it down to my feelings about my mother and her multiple pregnancies. Or possibly because I know the circumstances of the first and my mind came up with some wonderful ideas about the circumstances of this one.
I wasn't able to ask because it didn't sink in until we were parting ways.

I know I seem selfish but dang these emotions.

[~Christina]

Are you feeling more for this woman and not in just a friendship way ?

[AS6855]

Nah, we're not extremely close and she's not my type. I used to be closer to her partner until I realised what he was really like and that's why we parted ways for a while but she's in the same industry as me so we developed common ground.

[~Christina]

So your just shocked that she has a second unplanned pregancy with someone that doesnt seem to be all that good for her? If that is the case there isnt much you can do if you are not close enough to tell/help her to get away from him and.or if your bothered that your ex friend is going to have 2 unplanned babies , well ..... If you dont want kids then bithcontrol should be used by her and him using condoms.Each and every time.

Whether he wants 2 babies or not he has no choice as to supporting them financially and hopefully be a part of there lives...

Do you know why this has effected you so deeply ? Are you maybe scared you will find yourself in such a situation somehow?

[daethspellz]

Originally Posted by AS6855

A friend of mine had an unplanned pregnancy a few years ago and I lost touch with her when her child was about 1. I reconnected with her tonight and I found out she is pregnant again.
Now I know she is still with the father of her other child and I know that he is an unapologetic arsehole who is at time emotionally abusive. For most of her pregnancy and up until I lost touch he was threatening to leave in a way that made it seem like he couldn't care either way if they were in his life. So this news obviously had me a little shocked.
What I did not expect was the fear and uncertainty in MYSELF that this news brought.

I thought about it and I think I narrowed it down to my feelings about my mother and her multiple pregnancies. Or possibly because I know the circumstances of the first and my mind came up with some wonderful ideas about the circumstances of this one.
I wasn't able to ask because it didn't sink in until we were parting ways.

I know I seem selfish but dang these emotions.

That's totally understandable but somethings we just can't change as much as we want to.

[healingme4me]

How is this reminding you, of your mom?

[AS6855]

Well I know the first one was the result of a bottle of vodka and a bottle of tequila so birth control was not on their mind. I guess because I haven't seen him for a couple of years I can't tell if he's still that way, he may have grown up with the responsibility of a child. I am a little concerned for her but she seems to have adapted quite well to studying and being a mother.

I really think it has to do with my own mother.
I met her earlier this year and we discussed what happened, because she abandoned me at birth and had my subsequent siblings taken from her.
To give you an idea of how stable her life was, she thought I would be mad when she told me that she almost got married years ago.
Because of my childhood I am not a pro-lifer because I believe in quality of life over existence and my mother said she would never have considered abortion because it may make her infertile.

My ex-mate told me that he tried for many years to get snipped because he never wanted to be a father, even 3 years on he still lives separately from her, and she still lives with her disabled mother and 3 siblings and is still a couple of years away from being able to get employment, so I guess I worry about the quality of life the children may have and irrationally worry that she may have another.

Or maybe it's just the pregnancy as she is the first person I have known during the pregnancy stage. I have a few friends with almost teenage children.

Just the thought of the whole situation fills me with panic and I hate not being able to understand my feelings.