What to do???

Hi all, i have a problem...

there is a long story attatched to this issue, so i will try to make it as short as possible!

5 years ago (6 years this coming may) my mum died, and 2 weeks after that i began seeing a girl called Laura. she made me so happy, and that summer was the best summer of my life, even though i had just lost my mum. i fell madly in love with Laura, i know it was love. unfortunately, i was bullied which starting days after my mum died all the way until i left school 2 years later by a kid named Luke. he was always jealous of me and laura being together, so he attempted at destroying my life, he succeeded, and 4 months into our relationship Laura ended it, just days after telling me she never wanted to end it. she claimed she loved me too, how much of that is true is beyond me.

when she ended it my bubble that i had lived in for the 4 months burst, and my life fell down around me. suddenly i noticed the gap my mums death had left, and the fact i had just lost the love of my life hit me even harder. depression shortly followed, and it was then that i began depression, and 5 years on i have only just got out of it. i found out that a couple of months after me and her split up, Laura began dating luke. i have shed so many tears over Laura, and hearing that her and Luke were an item destroyed me, and i always worried that he would hurt her similar to how he hurt me. i spent so many days and nights worrying about that.

when we left school we stopped speaking. that was 3 years ago now, nearly 4. since then we have spoke rarely. and by "rarely" i mean about 3 or 4 times. i did speak to her once and i confessed about my true feelings for her to which she told me "i still have feelings for you too, i always will, but im with luke now, and Luke wont let me speak to you". that was about 2, maybe 3 years now. all i know date-wise was that is was 2 days before christmas!

well after that occasion we stopped speaking, until last may when we spoke once. i havent heard from her since. i have worked so hard to forget her and move on. over time i slowly began thinking of her less and the feelings were still there but i had dealt with them and moved on...or so i thought...

then 2 weeks ago i felt a strong sense of wanting to speak to her, i started thinking about her ALOT and began wondering, even worrying about how she was. then about a week later (1 week ago now) she text me out the blue. how wierd is that! we dont speak for nearly a year then i start getting strong senses about her then she texts me! anyways, she asked how i was, she said "i was just wondering how you are" so i replied asking how she was etc, she said her and luke were together no more, that they split up recently (in-fact, to be precise, they split up on the same weekend i suddenly started thinking of her and worrying/wondering about her), is that coincedence or is it deeper than that? did i subconsciously know this somehow?

i asked her if she wanted to meet up for a chat so we could catch up. she agreed and said that it should be this coming week, so i said "now im not working i am available most of the time" which made her question why i wasnt working. i told her that i left my job because i was unhappy and i wanted to pursue music. she stopped texting me then. so i text her again saying "how about wednesday, we could meet up then" to which she replied "i cant make wednesday, in fact im busy all week, i will text you next week to arrange something".

i want your opinions on this. i want to meet up with her. i would love to be friends with her again, and if it turned into more then that would be great as i love her so much. i am cautious about being hurt by her again. and when i saw the text from her in the week my stomach churned and bought back many negative memories. yet i love her. we have so much history, and not all of it is good though. i dont think i will hear from her again, i think she maybe got put off by the fact i wasnt working. which is wierd. but i dont know. what do you think? i run the risk of being hurt so much, and the feelings i have for her have come back with some force too! it has made me down all weekend. they arent just good feelings either, they are feelings of pain, heartache and sorrow, yet the love is still there.

simon

p.s. i told you it was a long story lol

I think any relationship can be a good one, and worth pursuing. Certainly I would go carefully, and investigate those feelings you have toward her, and how you've reacted in the past. I have every reason to believe that you either delayed and/or transferred some of your pent up feelings about your mother's death, into the relationship with Laura. Please go carefully.

We all mourn the loss of someone dear. We don't all mourn the same way, or at the same time-period...but eventually, we do mourn.

Simon, we have some stuff in common. My girlfriend just dumped me 3 weeks ago today, for reasons of her own. I was depressed before she dumped me, but me opening up to her and telling her sealed the deal. She dumped me because she can't handle stress like mine in her life right now. Now I'm wondering if she ever loved me at all. She's now acting chummy with her "best friend" (in reality, she told him no more then a month ago that she can't be there for him anymore because he adds to much stress to her life). I understand the hurt you're going through, and I understand how much you want to get back with Laura because you love her so much and she makes you feel good.

Keep me updated.

Hi Simon,

This sounds very painful.... I'm sorry!

I think Sky has made a good point that your intense feelings for Laura could have something to do with the death of your mother (my mother is dead too)

I would go very carefully........you've already been very hurt by her and some of the things you've said bring up big red flags for me ...."4 months into our relationship Laura ended it, just days after telling me she never wanted to end it...." and I don't like the feeling I get about your recent text exchange either, although maybe that is just me....

I wish I could be more encouraging on this. Take good care of you!


Fuzzy

Sky, tellybox and fuzzy...

thank you for your comments. Sky, you are right, the feelings i have for Laura are unique due to the situation...i know i will never feel that for anyone ever again, and i can deal with that. tellybox, im sorry your partner finished the relationship. it really does feel so painful when something like this happens, and it certainy adds insult to injury when they become very "close" to a best friend of theirs. but listen, tellybox, if you need someone to talk to about it all, i am more than happy to help...just let me know if theres anything i can do ok. Fuzzy, i am planning on treading very carefully. as i feel right now, im seeing if she texts me to arrange something and if she does i may well tell her i dont want to, but i wil only do that if she texts me. if i dont hear from her - which is what im expecting - then i can finally move on and forget her as much as possible. the way i feel for is so painful yet it is so warm and refreshing, and what with my current plans for my life, i cant afford to put myself in this emotional minefield, not now...i have too much to lose this time. i will most certainly tread careful. BUT, saying that, i also want to meet her to tell her face-to-face exactly what the last few years have been like and what impact she has had on me. one and for all. i am glad i wont hear from her this week as it gives me a little time to work out whether i want to meet with her or not, IF she texts me i will act upon how i feel at the time, and that could be one of two things - i meet up with her or i dont. im keen on either of those things.

i am struggling to walk away from this so much. i know how rare and powerful love can be, i feel drawn to her, and i kind of feel we should be together...which is the extreme end of the scale. saying that, i dont want to be in a relationship with her as i cant deal witht he heartache again. not from her. if it was any other person, any other situation, things would be different, but this is so different. so unique. i think its a case of: i love her enough to let go and walk away.

thank you all for your support. i guess in the next few weeks i may need you more than i anticipated, so its a comfort to know you are here for me.

simon