[striped_unicorn]

In Texas I have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that my husband is abusive to myself and my kids

I will not leave if there is ANY chance of him getting unsupervised visitation

I have some things recorded on a voice recorder... I have written things down

Some examples written are him putting duct tape on my dd2 mouth
Him grabbing my son and yanking him up to his face

I have recorded him seriously down playing or denying what happened those two times

I have recorded the latest fight between him and I.. verbally
Also recorded the way he speaks to me and the older girls

I've talked to their school so they are aware

Both girls often say they don't feel good
Headaches, belly aches, etc with no obvious reason behind them

Both girls have become afraid of the dark, both have issues with potty accidents at ages 7 & 6... their vaginal area often hurts and is red
I don't think he is sexual toward them as they don't show other signs of that type of abuse

I'm trying to get them into a counselor who is familiar with abuse, knows what to look for/things to ask...I don't have a lot of money, the ones who take medicaid don't get back to me
The one in town that is free doesn't testify in court if I needed it

What do I need to prove he is not to be alone with them? What do I need to be able to go back to my home state?

[kaliope]

why would their vaginal area hurt and be red if there wasn't sexual abuse? how else would it be explained? be persistent in contacting those counselors, show up at the office if you need to. I have heard that in texas they will not let you leave the state with your children so you will have to have a very good case. getting that counselor is going to be very important. my advice is not to say upfront that you want them to testify in a court case. they do not like providing counseling for that reason and it is hard to get a counselor under those circumstances. discuss how they have a difficult relationship with their dad, that you feel you may be in a abusive relationship and you question whether they may have been molested and you don't know how to talk to them about it. the counselor is mandated to report any abuse. take care and good luck.

[hamster-bamster]

You need to contact Legal Aid in your community, and have them guide you. If you live in a big enough city, there may be free family law clinics at a local law school, but if you live in a more rural area, then that is not an option. I am not sure why you are so intent on counseling, but then again I do not know anything about Texas law and judicial practice. I would take the girls to your local Planned Parenthood clinic, which more likely than not has a sliding scale, and have a nurse, nurse practitioner or doctor there look at the girls' vaginal area. Also, take pictures. Maybe take pictures and ask to have them placed in the girls' medical file at Planned Parenthood. Then this will be your evidence. A

[BlueEyez87]

I live in texas if you have all of this evidence there is no way they will turn you down especially with regards to your childrens safety. There are plenty of resources depending on where you live in the state, you can google for list of places that might help you. Have you been going to the police if you have recorded events of this it will make your case even stronger. I do have to say if there is no sexual abuse your childrens private areas should not show any signs of anything as well. Do you have reasons of your own for not wanting to go the police? Counseling will do them some good but will not make it completely better if you truely want what is best for your children you need to get out NOW!

[hvert]

I would take the kids to a pediatrician. If it is not abuse it could be some sort of infection. A doctor could probably tell. It would also help establish a paper trail since they are mandatory reporters.

[hvert]

I think hamster-bamster had good advice with the Planned Parenthood idea. I would not recommend taking photos of those areas yourself due to concerns it could be used against you as child abuse/pornography. Let a doctor/nurse do it.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hvert

I would not recommend taking photos of those areas yourself due to concerns it could be used against you as child abuse/pornography. Let a doctor/nurse do it.

good catch

[healingme4me]

Keep in mind, once formal accusations are made, child services will become (or at least they should) involved.
Have you taken them to the pediatrician, yet?

[striped_unicorn]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Keep in mind, once formal accusations are made, child services will become (or at least they should) involved.
Have you taken them to the pediatrician, yet?

No
I'll make the appt Monday
They have a counseling appt Monday afternoon

I really feel the redness is due to not changing their undies and having little tinkle accidents,but I could be wrong

[striped_unicorn]

The counseling is important to me because I can use whatever she finds against him

I also need to be able to take them back to Cali after everything is all said and done as that is where my support and family is

[healingme4me]

Have you taken any other steps to leave him? I ask, because the judiciary system isn't often fair. They may ask what else you've done to protect them.
Be prepared to have GAL investigation and questions raised, if you have a romantic interest.

Not doubting you, just being perfectly honest about how things really work.

[striped_unicorn]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Have you taken any other steps to leave him? I ask, because the judiciary system isn't often fair. They may ask what else you've done to protect them.
Be prepared to have GAL investigation and questions raised, if you have a romantic interest.

Not doubting you, just being perfectly honest about how things really work.

I only have been very aware for about a year

Like I had blinders on? An incident April 2013 opened my eyes and I THINK that was the first time he really started becoming physical to my dd2

I have memories of stuff before the kids came along but until recently I just thought that was normal behavior and 'I' was the one with problems

There are several 2-3 month long stints where we have been separated and looking back I think that was me taking a break from him

[healingme4me]

Can't you just move now, with the kids, file for divorce later?

[striped_unicorn]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Can't you just move now, with the kids, file for divorce later?

I don't know

I don't know if ILL get in trouble

I need to talk to... whoever gives like the POs

I know it won't be considered kidnapping since we WOULD still be married
But I've heard and read that doing that may not bode well for me with getting what I want (supervised or no visitation)

Right now, because I brought up a few things he is on a good cycle, trying to 'win' me again

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by striped_unicorn

I don't know

I don't know if ILL get in trouble

I need to talk to... whoever gives like the POs

I know it won't be considered kidnapping since we WOULD still be married
But I've heard and read that doing that may not bode well for me with getting what I want (supervised or no visitation)

Right now, because I brought up a few things he is on a good cycle, trying to 'win' me again

Sounds like you're on the right track. Get as many of the facts as you can before burning any bridges. Get the girls checked, get some legal aid, keep gleaning info on here and from the other professional you have access to.

The more you find out before you show your hand the better prepared you'll be for what lay ahead. ....and you'll know youve done the best for you and your kids

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by striped_unicorn

I don't know

I don't know if ILL get in trouble

I need to talk to... whoever gives like the POs

I know it won't be considered kidnapping since we WOULD still be married
But I've heard and read that doing that may not bode well for me with getting what I want (supervised or no visitation)

Right now, because I brought up a few things he is on a good cycle, trying to 'win' me again

I hear' ya. Legal counsel sounds like the best course of action.

If you are, emotionally done, why bring up anything you'd like to see him change. If he's the type to placate you, until he feels he's maintaining what you want, doubtful real change will occur. It's a manipulative skill, he's perhaps honed through his lifetime.
How long, do you expect this counseling route to uncover his abuses of your children? Are you able to prevent further abuse?

[~Christina]

If you are even wondering if something so evil could have been done/ or is being done to your daughters why aren't you just packing a few suitcases and leaving while he is at work? The paperwork can all be figured out once you provide safety for your daughters.
I'm confused

[striped_unicorn]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

If you are even wondering if something so evil could have been done/ or is being done to your daughters why aren't you just packing a few suitcases and leaving while he is at work? The paperwork can all be figured out once you provide safety for your daughters.
I'm confused

You obviously have never been in this situation

If your just going to batter me more emotionally than shut the **** up

[Puglife]

I am sorry you are in this situation. I have a family member going through this exact same thing. She packed up and left the state with their child when he was in jail for beating her up. She had no family or support where she was and left to come to where she could get support. It's been a long drawn out process so far. She is an amazing mother, but unfortunately the courts felt that she should have gone to a shelter instead of leaving the state. So they ordered the child back with the father even though his parenting skills are more than questionable.

Every situation is different and it's overwhelming to try to navigate the system (and expensive). Please use all the resources you can to get a plan in place to protect yourself and your kids.

[striped_unicorn]

Originally Posted by Puglife

I am sorry you are in this situation. I have a family member going through this exact same thing. She packed up and left the state with their child when he was in jail for beating her up. She had no family or support where she was and left to come to where she could get support. It's been a long drawn out process so far. She is an amazing mother, but unfortunately the courts felt that she should have gone to a shelter instead of leaving the state. So they ordered the child back with the father even though his parenting skills are more than questionable.

Every situation is different and it's overwhelming to try to navigate the system (and expensive). Please use all the resources you can to get a plan in place to protect yourself and your kids.

This is why I won't just leave with them

My next step is to talk with a lawyer, see how much it'll cost, see what rights I have and if I'll be able to leave the state without having it bite me in the butt

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by striped_unicorn

You obviously have never been in this situation

If your just going to batter me more emotionally than shut the **** up

I'm sorry that you were upset about my response to your post. As I said.... I felt/feel confused about the safety of the children. No intention of "battering you" just responding to the post you started.

I will bow out at this point.

I wish you the best

I think what I would do is first get a good lawyer that handles sexual abuse .
Then I would ask the kids has daddy touched you or anyone else in your private place and show them so there is no miss understanding with a picture or use a doll .
If they say yes then take them to your doctor tell your doctor and ask to have them examined , the doctor will know .
If you know in your gut feeling something is wrong then you need to take those steps and make sure you have all the info. and facts in order to make a case . Anything you use will be proof in court . Talk to the teachers see if they see any signs of abuse .