[8thstreetbungalow]

I don't understand women. I have NEVER dated, im the shy type my psychiatrist thinks I could be dealing with avoidant personality disorder.

Basically whenever I see or want to approach a girl I am full of anxiety and just cower away and avoid her. Or turn into some stalker. So I resort to online dating now, nothing but bad expierences in online dating.

I mean im 24 years old, no car no job not in school. They gonna ask questions sooner or later. I feel undateable.

[BubonicPlague]

I'm the same way too as of now. No car or job.

You could be just agoraphobic. People with APD usually don't try and go on dates. You're making an effort to find someone.

I'm an anxious person too, and I wouldn't say you're avoidant.

[Terabithia]

I recommend No Longer Lonely : Online Social Community for Adults with MentalIllness My husband and I met there and have been married for almost 10 years. It's for people with mental illnesses, so that secret is already out in the open. Be open, honest, and detailed in your descriptions and make sure to include all those really loveable things about you that might touch just the right person. I know when I did this, I made sure to include that I was a pretty needy person. So, I found someone that didn't mind this so much. It's very important to him to feel needed. We all have our weeknesses, but people are different in which weaknesses they are ok with in another person. I wish you luck!!

[Maria116]

Originally Posted by 8thstreetbungalow

I mean im 24 years old, no car no job not in school.

Why, what's going on?

[Maria116]

Originally Posted by 8thstreetbungalow

I mean im 24 years old, no car no job not in school. They gonna ask questions sooner or later. I feel undateable.

By the way I feel the same way about cooking, I'll have to do it sooner or later and I feel pretty inept as a cook. I mean I know how to make some things but not that many. The last guy didn't even like how I made scrambled eggs. Who the hell knew he wanted them fried well on both sides. I fry mine just a bit and on one side!

Dating either way is fraught with danger.

I've given up. I won't say I'm happy but I am more comfortable hiding away in my little corner. Safety over happiness. They can't hurt me if I don't give them a chance lol

Do you know why you feel anxious?

Do you fear rejection? Being judged? Being hurt?

I don't think it's unusual to be jobless or not in school at 24. It's still quite young so I expect you're still just trying to find your way.

Don't beat yourself up for not doing like you think everyone else is.

[ptangptang]

You need to develop a thick skin with onloine dating. I've been hurt a few times but i shrug it off. The internet makes everything so impersonal that it's easy to take things to heart. If there are good reasons that you have no car, no job and not in school then explain them. I don't have a car because i don't need one ( i would get one if it was make or break with a woman or i needed one for something else), I don't work cos i've got enough money so i don't need to and i'm not in school. Well i am 58 so i would have had to have been held back ( is that what you say in the US) a hell of a lot. haha. . Put a positive spin on everything and feel good about yourself. Women pick up on that even if you have no car and no job. I've got a lot going for me and you probably have too. Feel good about yourself and people will want to know you. And you're only 24. Start thinking positively.

[StuckinRut]

I agree with ptangptang; It's important to feel good about yourself first. For me that's still a work in progress a lot of the time, lol. But I think everyone, both male and female, find confidence attractive. Also, once you are happy in yourself and your life you will have the confidence to admit when someone isn't right for you. I think that you need to be honest with the people that you meet online. When looking for a partner it's personality and compatibility that really count, and so those are the things that people should judge you on.

[8thstreetbungalow]

Thanks for the tips everyone. Im not doing anything in life currently due to med changes and a psychotic break (mania) at my university. I dont want to explain this stuff to girls when i first meet them (my psychiatrist told me that i should only explain it when things become necessary, such as i have a psychotic break and they are scared).

I guess i just needed people to sit here and tell me things ive heard before and told myself again. Im in a bad spot in life right now, this is temporary and things will improve. Thanks guys.

I think if you take care of your first and once your feeling better your self steam will show and maybe you can get at least a part time job . This way your out in public and you will meet girls . Can you get a job and learn how to drive or is that out of the question ?

[8thstreetbungalow]

The only thing i can do right now is volunteer work. (im doing that) Its pretty difficult to stay positive and high self esteem when the mental health system doesnt help you get out there and back in the workforce. Its been a whole year.

You know what i think....

Are you on SSD because if you are they do help people to get on there feet

[8thstreetbungalow]

i dont qualify. I dont want the label of SSI since my doctor is going to clear me to work soon.

ok well if the doctor thinks your ready for work soon then that is a good sign , do u think you will be able to learn how to drive . It's kind of hard to take a girl out if you can't drive unless you live in the city .

[8thstreetbungalow]

Ive done drivers ed, i can ask my RHD team about teaching me if they are willing. My parents live too far away and are too busy.

I would ask your RHD team for sure and it dose help that you took drivers ed in the past .
Getting your driver License is a huge landmark in your life and it will help you find a job easer as you won't have to depend on taking a bus or asking a friend .
What about collage do you have any idea what your interest is ?
That would be the next big step is to find a career , and who knows you might meet girls in collage .
When you meet girls you want to date you want to show them that your able to take care of yourself because then it shows you can take care of them .

[8thstreetbungalow]

My university thinks im nuts. I almost have an associates in computer science lol.

Who cares what your university thinks , as long as you know your not then that is what is important !
wow associates in computer science ( I had to look it up didn't know what that was )
Sounds like a really cool course and you know they will always need people in computers so that sounds like a smart job career for the future . Graduate College and anything is possible for you . I wish you the best , please don't give up on your dreams