[BridgetDarling]

So I go through these phases where I literally cannot stand my husband. Every little thing he does I snap. Yesterday I made him leave. Right now I'm the only source of income for our family. I work a lot and very late at night. He is always asking for money and I do give it to him cause he does stay at home with our kids and get them off to school in the mornings cause I work so late and suffer from insomnia so my sleep is so messed up but other than he doesn't do much so I feel like I'm paying a babysitter. He has severe ptsd from serving in iraq and afghanistan but its like he doesn't do anything to fix. There is no romance or anything in our marriage and I beg him to spend time with me / atleast talk me but nothing. This makes me despise him. Just looking at him makes my anger and anxiety rise but yet I don't want him to leave me??? What's wrong with me? Today is another one of those days!!!

[kaliope]

have you thought about marriage counseling to discuss your issues openly and find ways to balance out the relationship? I can understand your resentment when it seems like you are working so hard and giving so much and desire to have your needs met yet not getting them met. a counselor could help open up clear lines of communication so that he understands your needs and why they are important to you. take care.

[ChipperMonkey]

Eh, as someone with PTSD, I don't really find it acceptable for someone with this condition to NOT be working on themselves. Yes, my PTSD is in the severe category, too. However, I would never think of being involved with someone if I wasn't working on myself. I understand that he helps with the kids and stuff, but he isn't keeping up with his end of the bargain in your marriage. I hope you can seek out marriage counseling and he will get treatment for himself

[BridgetDarling]

Sadly we tried marriage counseling.....and nothing came of it. I feel like he has shut down from everyone and everything. Its so sad and I think that's what irks me the most and why I have this feeling towards him...cause he has given up on everything. He goes to th VA but only for his pills...and not ones to treat ptsd. And that's the messed up part is that they hand them out like candy and a lot of vets don't get the proper treatment. He has no ambition. I hate feeling this way towards him. I married him for a reason. Not to throw it all away

[Werewoman]

I understand why he has shut down from everyone and everything. I didn't talk about my experience for over 20 years. To some of us, talking about it makes it real. Add to that the fact that no one around him understands him and the torment he is experiencing, not to mention he's probably experiencing the horrors of self-loathing and maybe even survivor guilt. There was a time when 'battle fatigue' was seen as weakness and cowardice, maybe it still is to some, I don't know. Our military does an excellent job of training our soldiers to become soldiers, but does little to train them on how to be a civilian when they return. There's a reason we lose more vets to suicide than war..........

For what it's worth, though, I think that's changing but change comes slowly.

I have never been a soldier, so I'm not even going to try to relate to what they experience, but I do have severe PTSD like many of them and I know what that does to you. I am very fortunate in that I have a husband that can somewhat relate to me, and had the courage to give me an ultimatum that finally gave me a reason to get off the path to hell I was on. He doesn't always understand me, and has been hurt deeply by me because of my PTSD, but he still loves me. I feel I owe it to him to work very hard to heal myself and I do.

Like me, I think your husband needs a reason to want to get better. My hope is that the two of you can work together to figure out what that is and get him started on the road to recovery. If the VA can't/won't help, then a civilian trauma specialist is an excellent place to start.

[JadeAmethyst]

Do you have resources and support for yourself? There may be other military spouses you could talk with or get out and spend some time with over coffee. PTSD, has an effects the entire family unit.

My very best wishes to you and your family. Good luck finding the resources that you are needing at this time.

Jade