Just ditched by a so called friend...

A few months ago I met this nice lady who was a meetup organizer. At first she seemed nice and sweet, but I soon found out that she had more issues that I realized at first. That is NOT the main issue of course. I knew that she had a lot of physical issues on top of being depressed. I could relate though, so we became friends.

Well, she'd complain quite a bit about how it's so hard to make friends here and that people here aren't as nice or caring as they were back east. She then claimed that ALL of her friends, including her best friend of 15 years dumped her once she got sick. She doesn't get along with one person in her family and she has been in an abusive relationship that she was reluctant to talk about before in her first marriage. She also almost got divorced to husband number 2, and it had to do with her being ill to some degree.

She also lost a child once to a miscarriage. She also couldn't connect with any of the other women in our group for long. I felt sorry for her since she seemed so sweet, and I've been in similar situations. Well, now I can see why she might be having so many personal issues. She kept on calling, emailing, and texting me constantly! She was super needy! She'd text me early in the morning, and I'm NOT a morning person at all!

She had such a strict schedule since she'd always going to the Drs. and she takes her meds in the afternoon, so she's supposedly asleep or busy when I'm ready to talk. She'd text me 4 or 5 times in a row sometimes when I was to busy to answer asking me if I'm still alive, etc...

Well, I told her many times to NOT text or call me at certain hours, but she kept on doing it at times! She did tell me that due to her illnesses, her short term memory is bad. So I cut her some slack. I finally made it clear once again even more directly that it's to expensive for me to text and that I don't like it. I said that I won't return anymore texts and that I'm sorry about that. I told her to call or email me instead. I was NOT being unreasonable at all!

She then told me that I'm "RUDE", that I'm "SELFISH" mostly, "UNKIND", not "SINCERE", and that it's no wonder that I couldn't fathom that she had "friendships" for 15 years with people who dumped her after she got sick. OK, really? I'm a nice, sincere, and caring person, so I didn't appreciate that. This woman would go on and on about herself and her various illnesses and bad luck with people and would barely even ask me how I was doing most of the time!

So I'm not to upset that she is no longer talking to me. Was I out of line in any way? I don't think that I was. She'd also always tell me we should hang out and then she'd forget about things or not follow through, but I didn't make a fuss over that. Ugh! It's like she expected me to always be there for her since I'm not as sick or needy! Even her assistant quit after awhile!

Was there anything that I could've done to set a more clear sense of boundaries? Did I do something wrong or was this woman expecting way to much from me? Not to be mean, but it sounds like she was on an endless pity party which is a drag!

you did most favors for her and you did what you had to do. she invaded your privacy and stole some of your rights. you don't have to feel guilty. you should even admire yourself for being a friend (at some point) of friendless.

This is one of the many reasons I'm a recluse. People just get to be too much sometimes. Hell, for me, all the time.

I wouldn't take it too personally. She's got a track record that you kind of know about. Maybe this time she'll figure out what she's doing wrong.

No, you were not out of line in any way and you *did* try to set boundaries - she just interpreted any sort of attempt to stop her from doing exactly what she wanted as rude!

I have run into that type before as well. It's too bad they can't tone it down a bit with the complaints and incessant demand for attention.

I would prepare myself for her to call again when she realizes that she has chased yet another one away -- and she'll probably ask if you are ready to apologize!

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Yeah, I did. She expected way to much from me. If she was only able to respect my boundaries, then we could've still been friends. She pushed away other people because she was so needy! She tried so hard to befriend this one neighbor of hers who had no interest in really being friends. Even though she is sick, that doesn't give her the right to expect so much of other people!

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Some people can be to much at times! It seems like it's all about wanting and needing constant attention, and it's exhausting and annoying! I can't stand being used as a free "therapist" ALL the time!

Yeah, she did have a track record. I find it hard to believe that all of her past friends of 15 years just dumped her out of the blue for no reason at all. Unless they were the most selfish and awful people there are out there, it makes no sense to me. Perhaps they got sick of her constant complaining and neediness after she got sick.

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Thanks. Yeah, I did try to tell her many times to please not do this or that, but it's like she didn't listen or care to stop her behavior! Some people do have this constant need for attention! She hasn't called or texted me back as she told me that I'm a "toxic" person. lol! Whatever!

I can't be there for her 24/7! Even if she did call back, I would just ignore her. I'm done with being used as a free therapist. I'm willing to listen, but when it's all about someone else and their constant and never ending problems, forget it! I'd rather have no friends than a bunch of selfish ones!

LOL, I am literally laughing out loud that this woman called you toxic after you told her to stop calling you non-stop.

I am with you - I am done being a free therapist/help mate. I don't mind being nice, but I am not a taxi service, errand runner, or tape recorder you can tell all your troubles to!

LOL! I'm glad that I was able to make you laugh! Yeah, some people are so selfish, self-absorbed, and narcissistic, that it's ridiculous! I'd rather have no friends than fake ones who only use me and then end up discarding me like a piece of trash once they don't need me anymore, ugh! They need Dr. Phil, not me, LOL!

I definitely don't think that you did anything wrong in this case. She was the one who had crossed the line and crossed over boundaries that she shouldn't have, and that isn't fair for you. You need your privacy and she needs to respect that, sicknesses or not. And by her constantly talking about being sick and her diseases and bad luck- it seems like she needs a therapist, not a friend. You were trying to be a friend, and it wasn't working. So just don't be so hard on yourself. Situations like this happen- she was investing so much into you emotionally and thats not fair.

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Yeah, I can see that now, thanks! That is why she was pushing people away! I don't think that most people feel to comfortable discussing so many personal issues with others right away! She was expecting way to much from me! I should've seen the red flags there from the get go after hearing about how she was trying to force a friendship with her sick neighbor. I felt sorry for her, but I have to think about myself too.