Obligated to people who show you respect

I'm torn with this right now. Getting respect is great and I'd like to reciprocate but if there's something about the other person that I don't feel comfortable with or don't like I don't want to have much to do with that person. My landlord shows me respect but some of his qualities are unbearable so I avoid him and I'm no good at handling the overall situation. He's unbearably ****-retentive and obsessive and it's suffocating. I feel like a bad person by avoiding him. I know that I have poor or odd qualities of my own and I kind of get it when people avoid me. I think we're taught that if you show respect it automatically makes you an acceptable person but there's much more to it than that, imo. Relationships are just difficult, complex and can be draining. Sometimes the other person doesn't see that the relationship is weak and draining and managing the whole thing is like trying to solve an impossible puzzle.

I don't see why you would need to have any kind of relationship other than a tenant with your landlord, since he makes you uncomfortable. Just be nice when you happen to see him or have dealings with him. "Nice" to me means just saying "Hello, how are you?" or some such--and move on.

I agree, it's nothing more then a business transaction.

That's the way I treat it but I see him every day and he is kind of an extrovert (or acts like one) and knows everyone in town and he wants to talk all the time (and never says anything when he talks). He's a simple farmer type and wants to be friendly with everyone. His obsessiveness (with the property, yard, house) is way over-the-top and his conversation is always too small talk for me and I just don't have the energy to converse with him. I always feel obligated if someone shows me respect and feel bad if I don't return the favor. Just wanted to know if others run into this kind of thing and how it effects them. I mean everyone has this in their immediate or extended family - people who have characteristics that turn you off, etc.

Wile working in an environment of vacationers from around the country I have found that personality traits are very distinguishable.
Northerners,southerners,east, west..I have found are rather easy to pinpoint.It's my own little"quiz"/ entertainment.
Like many of my neighbors who just can't say hi or good morning without delaying you from sometimes important business with boring empty topics.Those with these traits seem to be from the same geographical area.This area,in order to keep peace here,which is only my opinion, I will not disclose.

I think I know what you mean when you say you feel obligated to talk to him. I understand this is a difficult area because he is your landlord and it should just be a business thing because that's what you prefer. Is there some way you could politely excuse yourself, saying you're in a hurry?

Respect is earned, not given.

Your landlord sounds like one of my neighbors. If he sees me, there is a good chance he will want to stand by the fence chatting for a half hour. I try to avoid running into him because it is easier not to get involved in a conversation in the first place than it is to get out of one with him.

I have found that if I start talking, he gets bored and tells me he has to go.

I'm over-analyzing this but I need to: I'm not coming from the average person point-of-view. I don't want to offend the other person, my mood swings trigger much too easily, etc. I need to be careful and I feel like this situation is trapping me. Difficulty socializing is compounded by my mood disorder. I can't get too close to anyone because I'm not stabilized and not 100% grounded. My mood and energy fluctuates rapidly and med side effects can add to the problem at times. I even have difficulty conversing with my parents, brothers who are saints. So when it comes to a landlord or a stranger who really sets my irritability off (which I regret) I try to get out as soon as I can - my mind can scatter quickly, I lose my focus, lose my train of thought, I go into rumination and all that stuff. But my landlord is someone who deserves respect because he gives it to me. I try to say Hi and acknowledge him and move on but that's not enough for him - he feels slighted and that makes me feel torn. The same thing happens with my parents who are easier to be around. The mood disorder just magnifies socializing difficulties by 10,000%.

You may then say "Get some help". I've been trying to get relief the past 28 yrs with little success, multiple hospitalizations, tons of meds, ECT and all that stuff and I've become less and less functional which is why I've been on SSDI the last 10 years. I've just turned into psychobabble - it's a puzzle that can't be solved right now.

I wasn't asking anyone to solve my problem. I just wanted to know how obligated do you really have to be when someone shows you respect. And if you have problems is it possible to get out of that obligation without seeming disrespectful.

My landlord is pretty much the opposite. He will stick around and I don't want to seem odd in front of him so I make conversation as short as possible. He revealed the bad side of himself to me last week and I sort of feel like it could be partially my fault because I'm too short, I seem selfish to him, whatever. I've tried to reveal to him that I need my space, I told him I'm on disability - he won't go away. I hope you see where I'm coming from.

Dear cool09,

I give respect to every person until I feel disrespected.
You have a legal obligation to pay your rent and abide by your rental contract, this is all.
By doing so you are respecting him, you don't have to like him or feel obligated to listen to his problems. That becomes a different relationship.
SHOUT out to SOUNDGARDEN !

This will pass, so don't get to wired up.
Feed the situation No energy, and he will get the point.
How close is your landlord? Same house?
Happiedasiy

If someone shows you respect, you are not obligated to have a long conversation with them. It is respectful to say 'Hi,' and to keep moving. The other person needs to respect that you do not want to have a long conversation with them.

It is not disrespectful to decline a request from someone else when you do not want or are not able to give them what they want.

You can't fix his feeling slighted, you know? That is his problem that he needs to deal with. He can't expect people to be willing to stop and talk to him just because that's what he wants.

Sometimes, showing respect isn't about the other person....it's about YOU.

...and I should have added to the post above...that being respectful does not obligate you to accept unwanted attention or requests. Simply find a way to decline without offending the other party.

Good luck to you!