[Shirt1212]

A few months ago I had a falling out with my mom. Subsiquently my sister followed.

I called my mom to tell her happy thanksgiving, it went to voice mail. I hope they went out and didn't sit in the house like they have done year after year. I'm relieved I didn't have to hear another guilt trip. I am sad that we can't find common ground and my family is missing out on my family, my children. I also live with fear.

Fear that when we reconnect, I will fall back into the guilt trips. I will allow my mother control to make life easier. I fear how much she hates my husband, a man she refuses to get to know. I fear when she sees somthing in my son that reminds her of my father, her brother, or anyone she hates. I fear being told I'm doing something to hurt my children by giving them something organic, or encouraging them to be active. I'm afraid of little league games, I'm afraid when my daughter gets old enough to start dating that my mom will try to have a say and give advice. I'm afraid Facebook posts she doesn't see first. I'm afraid of my inlaws and my fathers side having fun with my children because I know that will hurt her. I'm afraid of what she has become hidden from the world having me lie and protect her. I'm afraid to let her take my kids in the car because of how much she drinks. I miss my family and I feel bad that they are missing out on my kids but I fear the day they come back into my life. I fear the day I'm not good enough. I fear the day my kids are weird. Holidays are rough.

[kaliope]

you have power over all those fears. are you in therapy to help you with your anxiety? I think it could be helpful. many of them are normal worries. a lot of it is not letting your mother have power over you. you make the decisions in your life now, it does not matter what she thinks. you have no reason to feel guilty because your choices are different from hers. it doesn't sound like you are making poor choices. perhaps you can work on your self esteem so you can feel confident in your choices and then you wouldn't question what you are doing so much. take care.

[Shirt1212]

Thank you. I'm not in therapy yet. I have an appointment, I've been doing a ton of research tho. I know I have the control over these fears it's just hard. I have always been a live and let live person, I don't care what joe smo is doing or saying as long as I am living a happy and good life (good as in being a good person). I know she is never going to change, it just makes me sad because the more she acts like this the less I am going to want to see her and be around her. I feel bad she won't see my kids grow up. But she won't let me live my life. Last Christmas she actually called me and yelled at me because my cousin posted a picture of my grandmother holdings daughter. She also doesn't know how to express her feelings, if we argue she throws things becomes physicly violent and gets in my face screaming. When this all came to a head I was 9months pregnant and I shouldn't have tried to make her listen I should have told her to leave my house. Thank you for listening to me, reading my post. The more I talk about it the more strength I am able to build up.