How to tell parents you want to move out?

I recently graduated from college and moved back home. I have an awful and broken trust relationship with my parents right now because of a series of events. I was dating someone I met online that my parents highly disapproved of because of his financial standing and educational background. They tried to force me to stop talking to him. When I was stubborn and did not want to obey, they reminded me that I am still not completely financially independent (student loans). As a temporary solution, I pretended I had broken up with him, but secretly talked to him through other means. Later, my parents pulled up my phone records, they violated my privacy by going onto my computer and reading our conversations, and forced me to call him while they were watching to break up with him against my will.

I don't want to hurt or destroy my family. My dad keeps telling me that my mistakes are causing him to hurt a lot. But at the same time, I have just lost my biggest supporter. Whenever I wake up at night, he was the person who would talk to me and stay on the line until I fell back asleep. He knew I was suffering from depression and that living at home was causing me to wilt. He always encouraged me to become more independent and assertive. Tell your parents what you want, and act on it!

I want to move out, but don't know how to bring this up to my parents since they really don't trust me out of their sight. They always need to know where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, when I will be back, etc. I have no space to breathe. It's because they're scared I'm going to go see my now ex-boyfriend. Ever since breaking up with my him, things have been so hard, but I can't act unhappy in front if them. I always have to wear this mask. I wonder how he is doing all the time, but I can't contact him otherwise my parents would see. I just want to break free from this cage of mine.

Does anyone have any advice on how to bring up the subject of moving out to over-controlling parents who cannot let go?

It sounds like there is no way you are going to make them like the idea of your moving out so just putting it out there is the best say. Say something like "I love you both and am so grateful for your love and caring. I am planning to move out and I hope you will support me in this transition". Period. You don't have to make it 'OK' for them. Genuine love will go on whether you live with them or on your own.

That said, I wouldn't do this until I had arranged an apartment and was sure I was going to actually move.

Your parents are over controlling, you need to get away from them.

My dad keeps telling me that my mistakes are causing him to hurt a lot.

This is a selfish thing for him to say, hes trying to blackmail you into submission. Get out in the world and make your own life.

The bottom line is if your over 18 years old you can do whatever you want ..
But you have to be able to take care of yourself if you want to move out , don't expect your parents to pay your bills .
Maybe your parents have a point on your b/f how old is he ? Have you ever met him in person or just on line ?
Have you done a background check on him ? 'knowledge itself is power and you need to know if this guy is shady or not but the only way to find out is checking on his history . and if he gets set for you to ask him then he is hiding something .

Parents want the best for there kids and if this guy has bad credit and owe's a lot of money then I agree with the parents .
Last thing you want is to end up messing up your credit score , you will have a hard time buying anything like a car or a house in the future .

Can you just move out but not live with your b/f ?
Your future really depends on your choices now .

So...we assume you are gainfully employed and able to support yourself, including student loans, rent, food, insurance, etc. etc.?

If so, you are ready to move out of the nest, spread your wings and live the life you've been given. The boyfriend issue is secondary. Just remember that your parents love you and want what's best for you, in spite of their rather awkward attempts to help.

On the other hand, if you are not financially self-sufficient you aren't ready for the move. Perhaps that is where your focus should lie.

Good luck to you!

Thank you to those who have responded. I guess now would be a good time to add points of clarification.

@Slamjammer Yes, I am able to sustain myself. I have a stable job and a savings account, I would be able to afford rent, loans, medical insurance, bills, etc. The only thing I would not have is a car to commute to work. I am currently borrowing my mom's car for that, but if I looked for an apartment near where I worked, public transportation would suffice. My mom may even choose to give her old car to me since she is looking to buy a new one.

@Nature1968 I know my parents have a point about my boyfriend and that they want the best for me. I definitely had my doubts about his financial ability, but I wanted to give him a chance to show/prove that to me. My parents refused to even allow me to give him that chance. I have met him in person, but that was after I helped him move to California. He had lost his job and I helped him with rent until he got employed again. He owes me money, but now that I have cut off all communication with him, I won't be getting it back. I don't intend to ask for it. That chapter of my life is now closed. I don't wish to revisit it.

Moving out would just be for my own sanity. I was not intending to move in with him when I moved out.

@Little Lulu Your last point about making arrangements before telling my parents is a great one. But since I am borrowing my mom's car, I need to tell my parents where I am going every time I use it. And in order for me to even make new living arrangements, I would need the car to view those apartments for rent. It's kind of a Catch-22.

Another thing I'd like advice on:

I wish to separate my bank accounts, credit cards, phone bills from my parents' accounts, but also do not know how to approach this subject as they believe I wish to further hide things from them. They can see all of my activity and have been monitoring it to further control me.

You have your check from your work....you can open any bank account that you want....just stop at a bank/credit union & do it. Shoot, from the time I was working I always had my own bank accounts & my own checks.....& you just go to the phone company with your phone & you get your own account set up. When I left my H, we had the same account (different phone #'s)...all I did was call the phone company & they separated the two. I left him with the old account & I opened my own with them. Personally I wouldn't have a credit card....I would just use the debit/credit card that comes with the bank account you open....that way you don't end up spending money you don't have & get yourself into financial trouble.

You just do it....& there is nothing they can do to stop it....they don't even really have to know about the new account & you can take your name off their account when you are ready to move out if you don't want to cause problems.....but I think if you go into the bank where they have their account, you can just take your name off it the account & I don't even think they would know (depending on how the bank deals with name changes on the account.....they would however probably notify your parents that your name was off the account).

If your parents say anything just say, you graduated from college & you feel the need to get used to being more responsible on your own as its impossible to grow up without becoming independently responsible.

You can actually look for apartments on your way home from work or leave a little early & look before work & you can do a lot of looking over the internet to start with.

Just a comment on getting involved with a financially irresponsible person.....I did.....& 33 years later he was making my life HELL....& even after I left he was making my life HELL in that he messed up the taxes on my inheritance from my mom & I had to deal with the IRS.....it took over 6 years to pay them off......& he let the house that my name was still on the mortgage....almost end in foreclosure. When I was finally done with the IRS & needed our joint account to cash the overpayment check that was in both our names....I found that he was living on the overdraft charges to pay all his bills every month. Just this year he had accumulated over$1100.00 in overdraft charges ($29/each).....& almost $400 just in the last month. You might think you want to give the guy a chance....but honestly....leopards NEVER change their spots & they only get worse it they are that bad to start with. I knew I had issues with him financially before I married him along with his attitude.....it never got better only worse over what has now been 39 years.

I can understand why your parents probably had issues with him......my H couldn't hold a job well either because of the attitude issues that I had seen before the marriage also. It's important to LOOK at the whole picture when getting involved with someone.....they can be nice (my H was nice)....but the damage that he did countered any nice & the anger grew & so did the hate......definitely NOT worth getting married in the first place.....now I have escaped....& I have nothing from those 33 years.....just ME & the inheritance that I got from my mother that gave me the ability to escape in the first place.....for 13 years I was trapped & miserable & depression grew.

Not worth trying to force a relationship especially that has financial issues in the first place