is it normal? i think my bf is jerk

Very complicated! You are afraid of making a mistake, so first thing (see Angelique's post above) is to ensure that you would not get pregnant. Getting pregnant now would be the biggest mistake for you. So maybe take care of that (the pill is very effective, but only if you take it consistently) and then you'd feel more assured of yourself and less afraid to make a mistake.

Also, I think that you need to tell the T about the crush. Hopefully he will be able to process it with you and the intensity of the feeling would subside for you.

T knows about my crush on him. Its really painful.
At this moment I feel too sad and depressed, I dont want anything anymore, Im so tired of living.

Anyway thank you and others too for trying to help me. I have always thought that Im the one who does bad, I felt like abuser sometimes. Now I just dont know. Deep inside I want to enjoy sex but it seems that iits impossible with my current bf but maybe if we slept many times I would felt better. Maybe I feel pain because its my firsts experiences. Maybe I just need to leave him and get over him but Im scared. I hope God will help me.

If he really wants to have more sex with you, make an appointment with your local Planned Parenthood office and take HIM with you, to have him present as painful intercourse is discussed with the healthcare practitioner from PP.

If he refuses to go, you would get a glimpse into the inner workings of his mind.

As I said I talked to my friend (man) and he said that I'm okay but my boyfriend is not good to me. I hope he was honest and didn't tell me this just to get me in bed (sorry I'm paranoid).
Now I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend and I hope I'm not pregnent.

Thank you for your replies, I hope you are right.

I feel so lost and lifeless.

Store-bought urine sticks are quite accurate as pregnancy tests. Maybe put your mind to rest by making sure you are not pregnant?

You are right to suspect ulterior motives in what your friend (a boy) said. I am not saying that he had ulterior motives, but it not unreasonable to maintain that suspicion in the back of your mind and see how the situation unfolds. It is not paranoia - it is a perfectly reasonable caution.

I would say that you need to take it one step at a time:

- make sure you are not pregnant. If you distrust store-bought urine stick tests, go to Planned Parenthood. While there, obtain advice wrt painful intercourse - kill two birds at once.
- decide if you are leaving the bf. If you are, what practical steps would be involved?
- spend some time uncoupled and then see what offers are on the table, both from that friend (a boy) or from elsewhere

HE IS WRONG!!! What is sick, is to pressure someone into doing something they are not comfortable with in order to gratify you own wants which is what he is doing. It is OK to not want to have sex. Do talk to your T. (& it may help to have a female...)--------it is not only the women here who say that he is abusive. (((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))

It's important to realize if you really truly love someone, you wouldn't want to hurt them, or do anything they don't want to do. If he's constantly pressuring you to have sex with him and he's not listening to you when you say no, that's not okay. If he knows its something you don't want, he should stop. And you should never feel miserable and as if you don't want to live in a relationship. You should feel happy, free, loved. I don't think he's the right person for you. It doesn't seem like he understands you or wants to love you. It sounds like he just wants to have sex with you especially since you guys did it so early in the relationship- it doesn't seem like he spent the time to try to get to know you and care for you and be committed to you. I would definitely walk away. It will hurt and it will be hard, and you will cry and that is all okay. But it will be easier now than much later,if you were deeper into the relationship