[rustytears]

I recently (about a month ago) broke up with my boyfriend of six months.

I feel like I have been completely had, fooled, walked over, crushed and blindsided.

When we first started dating everything seemed to be going well, after a few weeks he would call me drunk demanding to know if I loved him because he loved me. a few months go by and I went home for a week to visit my family, while I was away it seemed as though I was non-existent. When I got back there were a few hiccups and we did not see each other for almost two weeks.

There were a few times that he would make plans with me, then bail at last minute. Or he would go out drinking the night before and be completely out of commission the following day (the day we had plans)

He told me before that he was so lucky to have me and that I was his dream girl and that he loved me very much, but some of his actions would suggest otherwise. He never wanted to do anything besides watch tv or movies. His claim was that he works outside all day and I work inside all day so on his off time he just wants to relax and on my off time I want to do things. We are not talking being out of the house all weekend, but doing little things with the one I love, like mini putt, going to a comedy show.
However the second any of his friends would call him he was out the door at the drop of a hat. Drinking was always a priority.

Fast forward a few months. For the last month and a half we were dating this got worst. He would constantly tell me that he wanted to better himself and he wanted to slow down on the drinking (and drugs) and that he would not bail on me anymore. Well it happened time after time, (I would call to say I was on my way to his place to get him and he would say he is at the bar drinking, can we reschedule for the following night)
This would upset me immensely (mainly because I would never do this to someone I love) and I would let him know that he made me feel like crap, but he would always turn it on me, that it was my fault.

It got to the point that he would say things like "well I should just never make plans with you" like I was his back up. As long as his buddies would call to do something I was no longer useful.

This has hurt me so much and I find myself obsessing over all the details, everything that happened in the end and everything he said to me.

"This is why I don't want to hang out with you, because you talk about your feelings all the time" I know this is/was not healthy, however I loved this person more then I think he will ever know and I am completely crushed and miss him a lot.

Why cant I just let it go? Why cant it just be what it was and I move on?

I feel completely alone, and just want to be with him.

Give yourself time to heal , you did the right thing by breaking up with him you even said he made you feel like crap . You don't miss that do you ?

He is a toxic b/f
Puts his friends before you , drinking , drugs , last thing you want in a person ..

Go pamper yourself feel special get a new outfit or anything that makes you feel good inside . Maybe read a book or go to the movies do something for you .

[rustytears]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Give yourself time to heal , you did the right thing by breaking up with him you even said he made you feel like crap . You don't miss that do you ?

He is a toxic b/f
Puts his friends before you , drinking , drugs , last thing you want in a person ..

Go pamper yourself feel special get a new outfit or anything that makes you feel good inside . Maybe read a book or go to the movies do something for you .

He was the only person I dated that accepted my depression and anxiety, he made me feel like I was a real person with real feelings. I guess it got to the point where it did not matter what kind of attention it was, it was still attention.
My family lives far away (five hour flight) and all my friends are married, with kids or kids on the way. For once I thought someone special actually cared about me.

When you say ..
it got to the point where it did not matter what kind of attention it was, it was still attention.
Your opening the doors to abuse because your not watching out for yourself .
That is very dangerous thinking and it could one day cost you your life .

That's like saying if someone knock on my door and says I have a nice place and because that was nice of them to say that , I will give them my house key .

You need to find a way to love yourself and protect yourself and not just take anyone who is going to
say sweet nothings to your ear . ..

Are you seeing a Therapist ? Maybe they can help you threw this , so you don't feel so alone ?

[rustytears]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

When you say ..
it got to the point where it did not matter what kind of attention it was, it was still attention.
Your opening the doors to abuse because your not watching out for yourself .
That is very dangerous thinking and it could one day cost you your life .

That's like saying if someone knock on my door and says I have a nice place and because that was nice of them to say that , I will give them my house key .

You need to find a way to love yourself and protect yourself and not just take anyone who is going to
say sweet nothings to your ear . ..

Are you seeing a Therapist ? Maybe they can help you threw this , so you don't feel so alone ?

Yes I am seeing a counselor, the only input she really has is to ask me how that made me feel and how does he react when I tell him things.

I really loved him and I thought he loved me too. I am very lonely, dont feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone. But I felt comfortable and accepted by him up until a certain point.

[ellengiles]

Let yourself out girl! You deserve someone much more better than him! Just give yourself time to heal! You're beautiful my dear! A pure soul. Go out, have fun with friends, dress up, buy new clothes, go out on a vacation, read good books and you'll be soon over him. Just have faith and be confident that your decision was right!

[vantonius]

I feel the same exact thing with my ex.. shes cheating on me many time yet put the blame on me.. and i always forgive her and hope she wont do that again... cause she said she love me still... until today she really told me to go away from her life and never contact her again.. cause she said that would help her to move on and forget me.. cause she got someone else that she like.. and she still love me.. which doesnt make sense for me.. cause i still love her and i want her back.. so i understand the feelings of "no matter what she did.. how much she hurts me or how bad she treat me.. in the end.. all that matter is with her.. i feel someone actually said they love me and care about me and that makes me feel special" but in the end.. we should trully understand that its not healthy for us at all.. im trying my best to let her go.. its not easy at all.. but its the least we can do for ourself.. even tho i feel lonely.. i try to keep my self busy doing something so i dont get the lonely feeling that much.. maybe u could try that too

[rustytears]

Originally Posted by vantonius

I feel the same exact thing with my ex.. shes cheating on me many time yet put the blame on me.. and i always forgive her and hope she wont do that again... cause she said she love me still... until today she really told me to go away from her life and never contact her again.. cause she said that would help her to move on and forget me.. cause she got someone else that she like.. and she still love me.. which doesnt make sense for me.. cause i still love her and i want her back.. so i understand the feelings of "no matter what she did.. how much she hurts me or how bad she treat me.. in the end.. all that matter is with her.. i feel someone actually said they love me and care about me and that makes me feel special" but in the end.. we should trully understand that its not healthy for us at all.. im trying my best to let her go.. its not easy at all.. but its the least we can do for ourself.. even tho i feel lonely.. i try to keep my self busy doing something so i dont get the lonely feeling that much.. maybe u could try that too

I am sorry to hear this Vantonius. I am trying to keep busy as well, but it is a bit hard for me, everyone seems to have their live together, and here I am tagging along, always the third or fifth wheel.
Does not sound like your ex is a very nice person. Cheating is a terrible thing to do no matter if you love a person or not.
I guess the hardest part for me is that my ex was a total different person for the first 4 1/2 months, he would ditch his friends for me, then that changed.

I would like to start dating other people, however I feel like the same thing will happen. Like maybe it is not the right time, I battle with this because I am so lonely. I just want someone to be there I guess.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by rustytears

He was the only person I dated that accepted my depression and anxiety, he made me feel like I was a real person with real feelings. I guess it got to the point where it did not matter what kind of attention it was, it was still attention.
My family lives far away (five hour flight) and all my friends are married, with kids or kids on the way. For once I thought someone special actually cared about me.

Having depression and anxiety should not preclude you from a healthy relationship where your needs get met!

[vantonius]

Originally Posted by rustytears

I am sorry to hear this Vantonius. I am trying to keep busy as well, but it is a bit hard for me, everyone seems to have their live together, and here I am tagging along, always the third or fifth wheel.

It is the same as me... believe it or not.. i only have 2 close friend... and they both happy with their soulmate... every weekend they will spent their time with their girl.. and im just alone by my self while i used to spent time going out with my girl too...

Does not sound like your ex is a very nice person. Cheating is a terrible thing to do no matter if you love a person or not.
I guess the hardest part for me is that my ex was a total different person for the first 4 1/2 months, he would ditch his friends for me, then that changed.

Cheating is the most thing i hate in this world! Me and my ex were super happy the first year... she would pamper me with her cuteness, sweetnes, she care a lot about me... for her.. i was everything during those first year... and its the same as how i feel towards her up till now... until she cheating on me few weeks after our first anniversary.. the relationship going down so bad because she start telling me lie after lie and cheating me again and again with different guys

I would like to start dating other people, however I feel like the same thing will happen. Like maybe it is not the right time, I battle with this because I am so lonely. I just want someone to be there I guess.

Im not even sure if i could dating anymore... cause i was trully believe shes the one for me.. i was already preparing everything for our future... and now i feel completly lonely and lost!
But one thing i know for sure.. they both arent the right person for us... we spent so much energy, emotion, tears, passion, hope, and also our mental health... they suck it dry... and leave us in more desperation.. so maybe this is it.. its time for us to be a little grateful.. maybe we should be happy it hasnt kill us yet.. and our mr and miss right are still out there waiting to save us from this madness.. so we need to stand as strong as we could till they are coming

[rustytears]

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

Having depression and anxiety should not preclude you from a healthy relationship where your needs get met!

I agree with this, but I can not tell you how many people completely turned me away or after learning more about me (and my depression) just stopped talking to me.

There is a huge stigma around depression. When it comes to dating in my city some people right out front ask if you are on medication and if the answer is yes they back away and scowl like you are some sort of monster.

I know these are not the kind of people I want in my life however it still takes a toll on me and making it seem like I am unwelcome due to my illness.

[rustytears]

Vantonius:

I do believe that there is someone out there for the both of us, and hopefully one day they will just show up in our lives.

I don't understand why some people need to lie, especially to the people that love them the most. Perhaps this is how they have survived in life thus far. What goes around comes around, perhaps one day they will learn their lesson.