[January]

My father was a sociopath. Until he died, I thought my Mom was perfect. The day after we buried him she became him. She betrayed me and came very close to destroying me. She took away the person I loved most in the world, and that time is gone and I can never, ever go back and fix it. She let me be homeless and for three years I didn't speak to her. Slowly, ever so slowly I built a relationship back because I wanted to be the better person and have no regrets when she eventually passed.

Now she is a shell of her old self. What do you do with those old feelings of betrayal and pain when you're looking at someone who is tiny, confused and afraid? I love my Mom and would never allow anyone to hurt her. They'd have to come through me to get to her. Yet, I know I can't trust her. At least I couldn't trust the old Mom. She put on such an act of piety that everyone thought she was a walking epitomy of an angel. I knew the truth but no one would believe the ungrateful daughter she made me out to be.

What in the world do I do now? Nothing is the same. How am I supposed to feel?

Jan

[sabby]

(((((((Jan))))))))

I can only imagine what you and your mom must have gone through while your father was alive. It must have been so difficult.

She must have worked really hard to shield you and care for you and when your father passed, she had to let out all her demons that grew over the years. I'm not at all saying it was fair to you.

I hope you can find some way to forgive your mom for being human. Try to hold in your heart the times when she cared for you unselfishly. I pray you find peace and acceptance of your thoughts and feelings and can put to rest the negative for your sake and your moms.

*Gentle Hugs to you and Mom*
J

[January]

((((((((( Sabau )))))))))

You have the kindest heart. Thank you, so much.

She didn't shield me growing up. I shielded her when it came to the violence. All I know is that the woman that was once was, is gone.

My brother was talking about my Dad one time. I was shocked by the depth of his anger. He blurted out, "How can you hate him when he's sick and feeble?: (He was talking of his own anger, not mine.) I had no answer for him. I still don't.

Hugs,

Jan

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It's time to accept that what was is in the past. For your own sanity and peace of mind, forgive the woman of the past and love the woman that is now. She needs you. When she's gone, you will have a clear conscience and know you did the best that you could for her.

[bebop]

Jan my mom mentally and physically abused me all my life. My christian upbringing taught me to "honor thy mother and father". I found it so very difficult to honor such a person. I was also taught that as long as there was breath there was hope. When she got sick I was the first one she called on. her favorite child lived maybe 10 miles from her. I lived 200 miles away. I did everything I could for her always. She died mad at me. You know what? I can thank her today because of her bad treatment of me I became a very caring person. You are a wonderful human being. Very loving. You are doing all you can do for her. When her time comes you will be as gracious as always and feel better about yourself too. Never let anyone put you down. I will be here to build you up as will others here. WE love you

[sabby]

Awww Sweety...I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had to do that for your mom. Geesh...you are one strong person...I'm in awe of you and your strength.

[January]

(((((((( Tomi, Be & Sabau ))))))))

I will do all I can to make sure she is comfortable, happy and safe. I have just noticed this change in her in the past week and a half. She was so nervous in the nursing home that we didn't realize Mom had changed so much.

I don't know if that Mom who was still betraying me in December is still in there somewhere. I am afraid. Do you understand?

I feel so sorry for her, but I'm still afraid.

I am going to spend the day with her tomorrow. Maybe I'll understand her more after that.

Thank you each ever so much for replying to my post. It means so much to know I am not in this alone. My brother and niece have been so wonderful to help Mom, but we can never, ever discuss my issues with Mom. Never.

I am very disquieted by writing this. It's not enough. I know I haven't written it well enough to express it right.

Hugs,

Jan

[sabby]

You are a good and wonderful daughter to take care of your mom the best way you can.

You have every right to feel uneasy about things, and I think it's only natural for you to feel that way.

I guess the only thing you can do is to take it one step at a time with your mom. Trust doesn't just happen, it has to build over a period of time. I really hope that you both get a chance to do some healing. You deserve to have some peace of mind, and I think by helping your mom through her difficult times, will bring some peace to you Jan.

Take good care of YOU!

Hugssss
J

[Wants2Fly]

The others who have posted have expressed everything much better than I can.

(((((((((((((((January))))))))))))))))))

[January]

(((((((((((( Sabau & Wants ))))))))))))

Thank you so much for understanding. Trust does take time. Thank you a million times over again.

Hugs,

Jan