Communication problem

I have a hard time communicating with my bf. I know how I feel, I know what I want to say but the words dnt come out. I find it extremely difficult to live in the moment or do things in the moment. I overthink touching him, or even kissing him. Showing physical emotions is challenging for me. The crazy thing is I want to be in a relationship with him. I know he is the one for me, he loves me, doesn't judge me, he has seen me at my worst and he will loves me and find all the good in me. I just can't find that good in myself. I always have things planned out in my head and then when I see him I shy away. I dnt let people deep into my personal life, and that is creating an barrier for us. All he wants me to do is communicate with him, love him, show him I care, show him I'm there for him and it's like pulling a teeth for me. Anyone can advice me what to do? I'm trying to let go of the pain an hurt I've been holding onto for years this is one of the hardest things I ever did in my life. But I don't want to lose the best man I ever had in my life.

Does he know you have difficulty communicating? Maybe writing down your feelings would help.

I think the issue is the conflict you feel inside of yourself. The external stimulus of having a great guy in your life is at odds with your internal dialogue of being wounded by past events.

You have been hurt, so being wary of getting hurt again is perfectly understandable. But that wariness that kept you "safe" is now getting in the way. You feel inhibited and held back.

Most of the communication between people that are face to face is non verbal. Perhaps you have been so defensive for so long that your body language has become "closed". This may explain why you feel frozen in his presence. There are many videos on Youtube that discuss the power of body language in communicating.

If your bf likes touching you and , in turn you like to be touched, then you are 99% of the way there. Hugging, touching, cuddling and holding hands are all very powerful messages that tell the other person "i feel safe with you". If you want his arms around you, then PUT his arms around you. Don't over think this. Put on some bright red lipstick and KISS his cheek. Have some fun. Best of all, you don't have to say a thing.

Yes he does. He tries to get me to open up, but it's like I'm frozen
Right now things aren't the best. We had a talk last night and the only thing that bothers him is that I dnt fight for him or our relationship.
I broke up with him and now he feels that I'm going to leave him again. he communicates very well, and he makes me feel safe, and he takes his time and is very understanding about it. But I feel he has so much going on in his life an all he needs me to do is be there for him an for me it's like climbing Mount Everest. The thing is I have been hurt from I was younger, my sister bf tried to molest me, and other ppl did, I never really dealt with that I just blocked it out, so I have this wall of pushing anything good out my life.
I'm a cancer so in very emotional an still the words just dnt come out. My body langue is very defensive sometimes I dnt realize in doing it.

Thank you for the reply. I was born an raised in jamaica, and to be honest out culture doesn't really embrace emotions it's a sign of weakness.
I have seen a lot of women an their bf an I made a promise that certain things I wouldn't accept. I'm 27 and never had a proper relationship. It was always me giving too much to someone who didn't deserve it. We talk about everything an make fun an joke but once it gets too emotional I shut down an go silent. I want to control my emotions as right now they are in control.
I'm going to try your suggest tonight and see if it helps.
Thank you.