BF listened to my therapy session without my/therapist's knowledge

Couples therapy with abuser? What for???? Are your reasons for this your financial dependence on him? That's not good enough it is better to stay on a homeless shelter while you get yourself together. Go to women's shelter please, anywhere

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I can't recall if you've said what your family is like... but can you move back in with someone in your family? You have nothing holding you to him or the city you're living in - you said that in 3 years you haven't made any friends, and you're not working... so.... it sounds like it's time to find a family member who is able to help you out at least in the short term.

It is actually reasonable to want to be financially indepedent from a bf/gf; he is supporting you financially 100% and it would make sense for someone to become upset/resentful for that (honestly, I would never support someone to that extent unless we were basically married and something happened.... I would never start a relationship where I would be paying for them for everything...).

HOWEVER. He's already shown that he's abusive. He is using this threat to control you more. He chose to support you financially as I'm sure he was aware of your situation before you moved in with him. By threatening to take that all away from you in such a short time span he's being incredibly cruel, intentionally. It's designed to make you scared and cling to him even further. When he's nice to you after, it's just a way to reinforce the self-blame that he expects you to have, and he probably figures that he can easily be nice as he's getting what he wants - you being scared, submissive, and depedent.

I'm so sorry that you're in such a horrible bind!

Tell your therapist immediately that conversations can be heard from the waiting area. He/she can install a noise masking machine to fix that. Tell your therapist too, that your boyfriend abused you emotionally because of what he thought he heard.

Then I implore you to find a way to leave this man. You say you were in an abusive situation when you were younger--you are in one now.

If for some reason you wanted to continue to see this man, make sure you are in your own place. If he "threw you out" once (or threatened to), he'll do it again.

Wrong again, he sees exactly how offensive, cruel, rude and hurtful he is. He's doing it on purpose. Even if he has MI, it doesn't suddenly strip him of his intelligence, his brain is self aware. He treats you badly because it brings him results, not because he's suffering and needs to be protected.

You on the other hand clearly do need protecting, because you don't even know you're living with a lion. Instead you think he's a dog that bites your heel sometimes, and you know the biting's no good, so you choose to close your eyes and ears, and pretend he's a mouse.

Question is tho, do you need protection from your lion or from yourself,
Because what exactly stops you from choosing a third lion?....

Quick reply as I'm on my way to my therapy appt..

"I can't recall if you've said what your family is like... but can you move back in with someone in your family?"

No, there isn't a family option for me.

"It is actually reasonable to want to be financially indepedent from a bf/gf; he is supporting you financially 100% and it would make sense for someone to become upset/resentful for that (honestly, I would never support someone to that extent unless we were basically married and something happened.... I would never start a relationship where I would be paying for them for everything...)."

Yes, I feel incredibly guilty for this aspect. I could have applied for disability sooner but I didn't. We did intend on becoming married. I always thought that the situation would eventually become reversed; me supporting him. I just became worse off(social anxiety)/learned(through medical evaluations, basically) that school/work would be off the table, at least for the near future. I know this was a huge mistake on my part and I regret letting things turn out that way.

But that's the thing Watched.... it comes down to the fact that he KNEW and accepted you as you were, and now he's retracting his stance. If the two of you had started things out with him being clear on you being financially indepedent then you would have a different dynamic to the relationship. But it wasn't like that, he accepted your lack of finances when you moved in with him. So it is wrong of him to decide to basically kick you out for something that he was well aware of at the beginning. It's just not how things get done!

So... even with that one tiny aspect of understandable upset.... what he's doing is wrong.

To all honesty if people aren't married one person is under no obligation to support another. Sure he originally said yes but then changed his mind, but people do it all the time. When you enter a relationship and have no formal commitment you have to be prepared that they can leave any time and leave you with nothing. They aren't obligated to stay with you let alone continue supporting you. Now sure he is abusive creep but that's entirely different point.

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