[38cataracts]

Hello, I'm in a bit of a bind and I don't know what to do about this anymore- it seems I have a hard time fitting in with other women. Growing up it was happening and as an adult it still is. I just recently left a moms chat group because sticking up for someone that was being bullied gave me some kind of bad reputation. I've been getting hateful responses calling me an attention ***** for sticking up for her, that I'm a hypocrite and "the bully" for telling someone else to stop being one. I didn't use any name calling or vulgar language so I'm just kind of lost as to what would bring a response like this. I can't help thinking: is it me? Why can't I can't even make friends online?

[GenmaJay]

Before wondering what's wrong with you, you should first check to see whether everyone around you isn't just a jerk. Once you find that to be untrue, then look at yourself.

Sometimes we just find that we don't fit in quite as well as we hoped. Other times, we realized too late that we were fitting in just fine, we were just overanalyzing it. Are you sure that isn't the case? I find that those who suffer from depression or anxiety of some sort are more inclined to feel "left out" more often than people who don't.

Until you sort that out, find another club or group. Make sure it's something you enjoy doing. Hopefully you can make friends with a shared common interest.

Hope that helped! Good luck!

[hvert]

Maybe that chat just wasn't a safe space? It sounds like the people there enjoy ganging up on others.

[JJBX]

Ok, let me just stop you there. I have found that "mommy" groups are among the most vicious and judgemental groups this side of bridal planning forums. The ones who thought you were right were far too reasonable and not nearly insane enough to tap out a message to you. The ones who messaged you are INSANE. Gaining their acceptance only guarantees your doom as a breathing human. I actually left a parenting forum group because I started to think "all these women have got to be out of their minds". The sense of entitlement, empty outrage toward non-issues, and weirdly competitive arguments was making me feel like only crazy people are breeding nowadays.

There is nothing wrong with you. All you are is a sensitive person who identifies with others' emotions and tried to do what you thought was right. Your only fault is you tried to talk reasonableness to a bunch of unreasonable people who have driven themselves crazy with not having enough to do with their days. I thinkyou are being too hard on yoursef and you deserve some credit for making the effort to reach out to people. I'm sure it was challenging and you tried it anyway and despite that experience, you're trying again. Kudos to you.

[Rose3]

Hi - in some chat groups/forums - you find some strange stuff going on - in terms of the kinds of responses that are posted. So - what are some of the ways to carry on, without feeling bullied/attacked? Maybe just ignore some of the posters, or be selective about whom to respond to, or consider when, how often, etc. you even want to go to that chat group. There are lots of other chat groups.

@The OP, wow, the people that you have gotten involved with sounds as if they haven't matured mentally past 7th grade Jr. High (U.S 12-13 usually). So although it's nice that you try to stick up for the underdogs, it' not a healthy situation for either of you to remain in no matter what. Its' so much better to have no friends than nasty "friends" like that.

You both need to immediately severe ties with those nasty women immediately and make nicer, sane, and more mature friends. Try taking that person to a meetup group that you can both agree on going to. It's free to join. Go to meetup.com to check out new groups. Leave those toxic and immature women asap! Don't say a word to any of them. Just leave and don't respond to their emails, calls, or texts period! Tell that other person to do the same! They don't like or respect either of you! Trust me on that!

[Webgoji]

For what it's worth, I left one message board because there someone claimed to be the original poo-flinger and there was only room for one.

On the Internet. In a message board. Really?

I also got death threats from a Buddhist for being the wrong type of Buddhist. Yes, you read that right. On a Buddhist message board I got death threats because of the tradition I follow.

So yeah, I agree with the others. It's not something wrong with you. Toxic people love the Internet and it's got nothing to do with you. They're the ones with something wrong.

[JeanneDoe]

I always had a hard time to meet people until I took a class at a community college.. I met lots of nice people there and still talk to them. I work nights so i don't have time to really see people but Facebook keeps us connected.

So i suggest taking a class or joining a club. Its a good way to meet people with common interests.

[JeanneDoe]

also.. do you goto any kind of church? i find that is another great place to meet people. they are more kind and understanding there.

@The O.P, I think that tends to happen to most people on here at one time or another. Especially when they're not really friends with anyone on the board. It happens to newbies a lot as some groups are just super cliquey. The bullies who gang up on you and other people are scum. There is nothing wrong with you.

I agree with what everyone said on here, especially Gemma. It's tough to meet nice sane female friends at times who aren't competitive and for real both on here and in real life. A lot of people on line aren't who they appear to be either. Maybe they see you as a threat or an easy target. Maybe they don't like it when people call them out on their crap? The reasons are endless. Perhaps they can't deal with any opinion that is different from their own.

The stupid crap that people say on here is laughable at times. Making threats is easy to do on here. Anyone can be an Internet "tough guy or woman" on here. How do you even know that they're even adults? They might be teenagers or kids for all you know! You have to be very, very careful with people on here!

To many people can pretend to be someone of the opposite sex, they can be a young person pretending to be older, or an older person pretending to be younger, a single person pretending to just want "friends" (meaning they have an agenda, and it's usually sex they're really after), a married person who's pretending to be single, etc....

Report the bullies to the admin of the site. Or if things get to be to bad, just change your user name and only tell people who you really trust what your user name is and who you were before. If things don't change for the better, then just leave that site for good. I'm sure that not all message boards are like that. Some are better than others. It's always good to stick up for yourself. Most bullies will eventually leave you alone unless they are truly insane after awhile.

They are just angry people who will lash out at just about anyone. They come on the message boards looking for a fight. Don't try to reason or argue with them as it's like trying to blow down a brick wall using your breath only.

To all of you who were ever bullied or ignored on message boards, it's almost NEVER about you and more about the bullies! Sensitive and depressed people DO take things more personally than they should. I'm that way too, but I try not to let the stupid haters get to me as much as I can. It's easier said than done!

Here are some funny videos that show what internet trolls are like. The two videos are super hilarious and it'll make just about anyone laugh!

The first video takes a few seconds to load, but there are no ads-

[hannabee]

The second video was a bit over the top for me, but unfortunately that really does go on!

[peaceseeker63]

I've joined very few message boards because of nasty behavior. I usually watch the board for awhile before joining, just to see what kind pf messages are being sent. If I see any kind of negativity or hostility, I leave immediately! Life is too short to deal with this type of behavior...save yourself !

Hanna, I thought that the second one was hilarious! Sadly, yes, that does go on to often on here sometimes!

Originally Posted by peaceseeker63

I've joined very few message boards because of nasty behavior. I usually watch the board for awhile before joining, just to see what kind pf messages are being sent. If I see any kind of negativity or hostility, I leave immediately! Life is too short to deal with this type of behavior...save yourself !

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I agree with what you said. I used to post on this one m.b a lot more often for this one social site, and OMG, you'd think that these people who are or were in their 20's, 30's, 40's, and maybe a few who were older would be more mature, but they were like a bunch of nasty 12yr. old kids at times! The stuff they'd talk about was beyond sick! They were obessed with sex and it was not the place to talk about that stuff on this particular site.

They ganged up on me a few times. When I saw them in person at social events that this site threw once in awhile for special members, they wouldn't dare say anything bad to my face! Some would just stare at me, but that's it. Some would flat out avoid me after I gave them hard nasty looks, lol! Some would try to stand close to me for some weird creepy reason (always the guys).

I'm still on that site, but I no longer post anything personal that could be used against me. I was livid when one former mutual friend sent me this long fb post about how "crazy", the b word, and how fat they thought I was. Even though some of them didn't know me, they all ganged up on me anyways after this very immature guy got mad at me after I stood up for myself after he continued to sexually harass me by constantly stroking my arm at these parties.

I brushed it off as him being drunk the first few times, but after that, I finally had it and stood up for myself. NOT ONE of those losers stuck up for me, even my so called friends at the time who were on that fb rant. A few people that I thought were nice at first, the women mostly really stabbed me in the back! They revealed personal info about me that I told them about in PM's.

I never did anythign to them, so that made me even more hurt and confused than anything. They tried hard to get me kicked off the site, but after a couple of the women that moderated the site saw what they wrote, and how they threatened to beat me up, they took my side and decided to have a talk with that one guy who started everything. EFF those losers! Messages boards tend to bring out the worst in some people since they know that there will be very little to no repercussions for their nasty behavior!