[HockingPastryChef]

I had just read an article on this woman who was very successful in her career and was dating a man with low self-esteem and didn't realize it. The guy then ended the relationship months later because he felt he could have better. The lady then realized she had sunk to his level and that she attracted MWLSE and said that about a year later she realized he was her perfect type because she didn't realize how strong she really was.

Why I ask is that I am dating a guy with low-self esteem issues and who right now is very attracted to my happiness and I believe who I am. I have been dating him for only a month and have already let him know things I will not tolerate and want to continue discussing them slowly before I would choose to get too serious. I do like this guy for who he is, though I admit I do see a challenge. I want him to love himself and I know I CANNOT be the only one to help him. I choose to love myself too and he sees it, I believe.

We immediately had talked about self help and ways we want to continue helping ourselves before this friendship even formed. I had even given him this packet of papers that were courses of assertiveness that had helped me a lot with in the past year and half. He had told me he wanted to become more assertive. So I do know he sees his weaknesses, PLUS strengths. He has told me ways he's helped himself before meeting me too.

Our next hangout is going to be this meditation class which he says he looks forward to.

I also want to state is why else I ask is because I have not had a boyfriend do to my past of not feeling emotionally available. Now I feel more ready than I have been. Plus, I do know that I have my ups and downs. I know my self esteem lowers at times too and I do have anxiety myself that I want to work on too, which we all do.

I want to hear other experiences and I want your opinions please not just on my situation but the title too.

[Webgoji]

Interesting. I always thought that women wanted men with high self-esteem and confidence and that a low self-esteem was considered very unattractive. I don't know if it's a good match or not, I just find it interesting that there's even a conversation about it.

I think as long as he is willing to get help on his low self steam that is good .
It means he is trying , and I think this will bring both of you closer together .

[Bill3]

I'm wondering what you mean by strong when you say strong woman.

Also, in what way would the match be perfect? Which i guess is another way of asking what you (or the woman in the article who was successful in her career) are envisioning as a perfect relationship.

You are encouraging him to work on assertiveness and self-esteem. If he is successful, and he becomes more assertive and develops greater self-esteem, then the relationship presumably will no longer be between a strong woman and a MWLSE. What would that mean for you?

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm wondering what you mean by strong when you say strong woman.

Also, in what way would the match be perfect? Which i guess is another way of asking what you (or the woman in the article who was successful in her career) are envisioning as a perfect relationship.

You are encouraging him to work on assertiveness and self-esteem. If he is successful, and he becomes more assertive and develops greater self-esteem, then the relationship presumably will no longer be between a strong woman and a MWLSE. What would that mean for you?

How I view a strong woman is someone who strives to become a better person and is willing to take risks when she knows that they aren't too dangerous. Someone who knows her boundaries in life and knows she isn't perfect.

Yes, I was wondering the same thing actually on what this lady in the article had meant too.

Though my envision of a perfect couple are two people working together to become better people; being supportive to one another. Also being compatible is a great match. If he wouldn't choose to help himself I wouldn't be dating him, plus I know he isn't completely low on himself. After I had posted this I did feel like I was labeling him.

I want to see him to become a stronger person and don't see a problem with him becoming more assertive. He's already opened up quiet a bit to me too.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Interesting. I always thought that women wanted men with high self-esteem and confidence and that a low self-esteem was considered very unattractive. I don't know if it's a good match or not, I just find it interesting that there's even a conversation about it.

Lol. Yeah I do find it interesting myself. Though I would like to see where our dating will go from here. Him and I do have quite a bit in common.

[Middlemarcher]

I hope everything works out well for you. I will say that you seem rather invested in the idea that he needs to work on changing himself. But people are often unwilling or unable to change a great deal, and actively trying to change someone else can lead to an unhealthy dynamic between the two of you and/or leave you feeling very frustrated. I'd just watch this aspect and see how everything unfolds.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

In my experience strong women soon get fed up with partners of low self-esteem as they sap the woman's energy and she soon comes to resent you. Women often think they can change men, I think this rarely happens. Chaps, if you find you are exhibiting low self esteem to your woman, snap out of it, drink some beer, do something manly like ride a bull. You will both feel better.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

I hope everything works out well for you. I will say that you seem rather invested in the idea that he needs to work on changing himself. But people are often unwilling or unable to change a great deal, and actively trying to change someone else can lead to an unhealthy dynamic between the two of you and/or leave you feeling very frustrated. I'd just watch this aspect and see how everything unfolds.

Yes, I do agree on this. I am a very cautious and guarded person, which I do need to loosen up too. Cannot be too guarded or I will not find someone.

I know if I choose to focus on him too much, then I would lose myself. He seems to be a respectful person towards me so far. And he was the one who had told me that he wanted to become more assertive and which I choose to continue to do so too. Along with becoming more spiritual.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

In my experience strong women soon get fed up with partners of low self-esteem as they sap the woman's energy and she soon comes to resent you. Women often think they can change men, I think this rarely happens. Chaps, if you find you are exhibiting low self esteem to your woman, snap out of it, drink some beer, do something manly like ride a bull. You will both feel better.

Lol. Yes, it is true. People can only choose to change themselves.

Like I said I will see where this dating will take me; dive into the unknown. With any guy I think it needs to take at least 2-4 months till you know for sure it is official; a month is nothing.