[Honeybeez]

I have had a bad three days trying to understand someone I love, but everytime it seems as if he gets to frustrated or I do . We love each other and say we belong together . For he says I 'am the only one for him and I feel the same the way. There is just more than that my head cant understand . When we are together for more than two days sleeping over and hanging out if Im in the room he goes to the living room if I go to the living room so does he . Thats just an example of what yesturday looked liked . This morning for example, he asked if I need caugh drops. I said no he said anyway " well I need to move my bike" then , I feel like he just wanted to go anyway , Why could he not tell me directly . Honestly , I'am currently trying to to stop thinking so much to live in the moment but when things like this happen how can I not think? Another thing , he gets girls on his game counsel which I promise I dont care because I have my guys on my gaming council, but everytime I ask him about a girl I just want him to tell me about them how he tells me about the guys but instead he goes and deletes them. How can I not think or assume ? Or I'm I looking to into things. I feel this is not fair for me .. just because I dont do those things . This morning I have fallen into depression because I hate no understanding what I want to understand so badly... I wish I knew how to deal with this . But I loose control of my emotions thoughts and feelings . I really just dont know anymore.

[healingme4me]

Deleting girls...not such a bad thing, but may want to confront him, tell him you don't want him to feel like he has to tiptoe around you nor walk on eggshells. Tell him you need him to be direct. And that you are only curious, not wanting a delete.

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[Honeybeez]

I know I have . But still he says its out of respect to me . That response just makes no sense . Honestly this is the third time and I am getting to the point where my emtions are taking over and I am unbable to be rational anymore. I love him but I cant keep doing this up and down its affecting me mentally and its affecting him which hurts even more ;because then I just start to think its me and my fault and why cant I be normal.

[HockingPastryChef]

I would just tell him I am tired of this behavior of not knowing what is going on and just separate apart. I think you both need it, even if it's just for a little bit.

He may apologize and realize what had happened or not apologize and it maybe best to find someone else because this isn't healthy.

Counselling is another option because I can see the pain at both ends. Let him know you care about him and that you feel it would be best for "both" of you. He's gotta listen to you just the same as you listen to him. If he says no to it, then you KNOW.

[Honeybeez]

Thank you so much. . I agree I'm just afraid of giving each other space and then wen we start up again it happens all over again... we seem to get along better space. . But how can you have a normal relationship giving it space time after time...

[Honeybeez]

I mean I want to grow together with him but we are both hurting... what if a give space like never before and then it's good for just a few months and all this starts all over r

[HockingPastryChef]

This is for you to decide.

Like I had said if you two give each other space and he doesn't want you back then move on... and the same goes for if it starts over again. I still would suggest counselling too.

[~Christina]

I see your 27 and have bpd... How long have you been together? Are you in Therapy to manage your bpd ? I'm sure your aware that if left unchecked bpd can ruin many relationships. I am not saying everything is on you..

You are both responsible for being present in your relationship.

Relationships are like a garden , it needs daily attention and often times a good weeding is called for.

I wish you the best

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Honeybeez

I know I have . But still he says its out of respect to me . That response just makes no sense . Honestly this is the third time and I am getting to the point where my emtions are taking over and I am unbable to be rational anymore. I love him but I cant keep doing this up and down its affecting me mentally and its affecting him which hurts even more ;because then I just start to think its me and my fault and why cant I be normal.

Of course they are. Because he's not hearing you, just placating. Which is why I agree with Christina, that it isn't entirely on you. A partner of someone with BPD brings their own stuff to the table/relationship.
Individual counseling can help tremendously if both are willing to do the work.

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[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Honeybeez

I mean I want to grow together with him but we are both hurting... what if a give space like never before and then it's good for just a few months and all this starts all over r

Relationships need stability, to go through their ebbs and flows. There's important monumental (not really a timetable) moments of vulnerability and growth.
I don't recommend space, of such magnitude, plays on the rejection/abandonment. Can there be space from feelings discussions for a couple days, at a time?

I was thinking, placing myself in your shoes a moment. All these friends...hey, who's that? (Delete... ) oh...who's that?(Delete... )...his behavior is conflict avoidant by doing that.

Is he aware of your bpd? How serious have things been getting?

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[HockingPastryChef]

I agree on what Christina and Healing4me are saying. I does help to look at what the other person is going through internally.