Hypocrisy when it comes to tolerance?

I disagree. With George and Amal, people don't bat an eye because that age difference is not stigmatized. I should point out that the stigma I am talking about only seems to apply when the woman is younger than a certain age. When it comes to women over 25 or so, there is really no stigma unless the guy is MUCH older than the woman. But when the woman is under 24 or 25, she is considered to be off limits to guys more than a few years older than her. As for your mother and father, things were VERY different back in the 1940s than they are today. Today, a 27 year old dating a 19 year old would be stigmatized. And this seems to be even more frowned upon by the younger generations.


Yes, others noticed that I was different and they decided to label me as a weirdo and force me into loneliness. Now they dare to stand up and tell me I am a weirdo again for wanting to date younger women? They sure do have some nerve...

Yes, I agree that the oppression which homosexuals suffered in the past is something that can't be compared to what I am talking about. I never suggested that. However, showing ANY hostility towards homosexuals for their sexual preferences is considered bigotry. So then why is it acceptable to show hostility towards men who date younger women?

I wonder if you are a bit out of touch. There is no wide spread hostility towards men who are dating younger women. Just because your brother has this opinion it doesn't mean much. You seem to be overly upset about something that might or might not happen. Do you have any particular girl in mind? And if not did you think of how and where to meet one? I would focus on that rather than what your brother says. I love my brother but he doesn't decide who I go out with.

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It sounds like you are referring to the fact that society creates stigmas.

There are stigmas all over. Try reversing the genders in your situation. An older female wanting to date a younger male (no matter what the age gap) is also highly stigmatized. People who are socially awkward or seen as mentally incapacitated - stigmatized.

You'll find that a lot of people here on PC are fighting to learn how to battle such oppression and learn how to be confident in themselves. Human beings are, by nature, creatures who try fitting people into boxes or equations to make sense of the world. We hate being labeled, but unfortunately, stereotyping and judging those who are different from the norm is going to continue happening. While a lot of efforts are being made to de-stigmatize LGBT relationships and the like, we don't live in a perfect world.

I understand how hard it is to ignore these stigmas. But I agree with others that your focus should be on gaining some dating experience before worrying about whatever your parents or brothers have to say.

I believe studies show that the age you are "done developing" is around 25. Development in the sense of the decision-making frontal cortex of the brain. But everyone has a different timeline.

I say this often, but age is just a number. What matters are your life experiences and being able to connect to the other person. So perhaps you can try conveying this notion to your family. Maybe add something about how you'd appreciate it if they could be more supportive of you searching for those connections you never had before. Emphasize that it has been a struggle for you to connect with people and that if something as trivial as age were to cause them to show disapproval, then that really bothers you.

Are you the same guy who has been banned about 50 times over on Daily Strength? You're the same age as he is, and you are making the EXACT same arguments that he does..... Did you finally get tired of making new accounts over there so you decided to troll around over here now?

Actually, I do have a particular girl in mind. There is this girl I see at the gym and I really wish I could go talk to her, but I am too scared to because of the age factor. I don't know how old she is exactly, but I am pretty sure she is younger than 21. I saw her at the gym tonight and I just had to walk away again. I am so sick of living like this. All my life I've been deprived of my chance to connect with the girls I like, and society is bent on making sure it stays like this forever. It is already difficult enough for me since I am socially awkward and I'm thinking I'm probably somewhere on the autism spectrum, but society just NEEDS to be making things even harder on me with fascist rules which pretty much close all the doors for me.

Oh god, someone from dailystrength.

So what do you want now? Yeah, I like younger women and you can't refute a single one of my arguments as to why there is nothing wrong with that, so is there anything else I could help you with?

Anyways, as for the main issue, I am pretty convinced that the only reason I am not getting criticized on here for my interest in younger women is because of my sob story. If I just make a post saying I like I girl who looks younger than 21 and asking for advice on how to approach her, I would definitely have a bunch of replies telling me about how I should leave her alone and I have issues for liking a girl that young and things of the sort. That's why I haven't mentioned anything about this girl I like to anyone.

Shadix do you think you could possibly be jumping to conclusions about what our reactions would be?

This is a support community. We don't say derogatory things to others. We try to help them find solutions. Why do you believe we would be out to get you?

There are no fascist rules. I do understand about being awkward and know it complicates things. You have no ways of knowing if the girl might be interested unless you make a move. My nephew is dating younger girl and no one cares. Just take your chances with the girl

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I don't think the issue is younger girls but the fact that you struggle to ask a girl out due to some social maladjustment or other struggles but rather than addressing it (please go to therapy right now ) you blame your issues on some made up rules of not dating young girls. The bottom line you not dating no one and you do need to address it with professional and seek professional help before you are 50 and never dated. Dating younger women is not an issue. There is only one issue: you have trouble socially and refuse to address it.

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Just because you think she is younger than 21 it doesn't mean she is. In my family everyone looks younger than their age

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Perhaps your brother doesn't know what he believes? You, as the elder can help shape his views into what is truly acceptable, before society does it for him....there's a lot of pressure out there to conform...teach him that he does not have to conform...he can look at the evidence, and make an informed, intelligent opoinion all on his own. He sounds confused at this point....

all i say is that there most likely is someone out there but you just havn't met them yet. you will know when you do.

Is there an actual QUESTION behind this post?

If you want to date a younger woman or an older woman or no woman at all, that is YOUR choice.

It has nothing to do with society, family or your brother.

I love my brother dearly but he thinks a lot of things I don't agree with. So what. There are things I do or think he disagrees with. That's normal

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I don't see any argument in your thread. I do see that you like young girls but your brother (younger brother) is not in support of it. There is no argument here. You are not dating and there is no girl to speak off just you bring upset over perhaps having difficulty dating.

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You are not asking her out so there is no issue about it. Just liking someone from a distance not enough for any kind of discussion

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First off, society doesn't have these fascist rules you are imagining exist based on JUST your brother's comments. Those rules have never existed & don't exist now.....but believing that they exist make it easier on what you already admit to being socially awkward. It gives you an excuse for not pushing your social awkwardness into action but you hide behind what you believe in your mind to be fascist rules closing doors for you when in reality it's your own social awkwardness that's closing the doors.

I lived 33 years with my H who I'm sure is on the autistic spectrum (the only thing that explaines 100% the problems that existed in the marriage) & he was forever making up excuses for his inability to do things. Excuses that in REAL life didn't exist.

I seriously think that you need to get into therapy & get help with what you think is being somewhere on the Autistic spectrum & with your social awkwardness & your whole life will change & doors will open that you are not capable of opening at this point in your life because you haven't had the professional support to learn how to open them.

Excellent post.

I teach special Ed at a high school and do have students with ASD and yes they go have difficulty with making friends and dating and they often Blame others or assume things about others etc but there are resources available to learn some strategies. I am so apprehensive about self-diagnosing though. Just because one is awkward it doesn't mean he is on the spectrum.

Have you talked to your doctor? Were you diagnosed? If not then go to your doctor and therapist and tell them about your awkwardness.

I also have to add that being obsessed with particular attributes (like age in your case) prevents you from actually getting on with your life. Get professional help and go on a date with a woman

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Excellent post also Divine1966 Thank you.

I totally agree......It's important to get a professional Dx for this because it's the only way that you can get the appropriate help for whatever is causing the social awkwardness that you are experiencing based on the professional knowledge of what the cause is for it.

In my case after reading the book "The complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood, there was much more than just social awkwardness that made it obvious as to what I had been living with for 33 years....it explained all the behaviors that had caused so much trouble in the marriage & it helped ease my anger that had built up toward him for those 33 years because it gave me understanding that I didn't previously have. The behavior issues that went far beyond social awkwardness. Yes, it's important to understand that it takes a lot more than JUST social awkwardness to indicate that one is on the Autism spectrum.

It's very important to get a professional Dx because that's the only way to get the appropriate help & learn the appropriate skills from professionals trained to help whatever is the cause of the problem. Learning skills that are missing in life to deal with the problems is the only way to open the doors that are currently closed. It also provides valid understanding of self which gives more confidence in knowing exactly why one's behavior is what it is & to get help with smoothing out the things that are causing problems functioning in life.

For me the information helped me get closure on that time of my life so that I could move on.....but also speaking from personal experience.....both my parents had serious social awkwardness problems & I can tell you how much it negatively effected me growing up in the 1950's & 60's so even if the door is opened & the right woman is encountered & a family ends up being started.....getting help with the social awkwardness NOW will only be a wonderful benefit to any future family you might end up having. It didn't destroy my life but it sure had a lot of negative effects on it & caused a lot of fighting with my parents because I resented the way they were & how it effected MY LIFE. Professional help & understanding didn't exist back in those days.....so take advantage of the help that is NOW available & use it to grow from & to improve your own life as it will actually improve the lives of those around you also.

I was not diagnosed with Aspergers and I don't know for sure if I have it, but it isn't just the social awkwardness, there are other things I've noticed that people with ASD commonly report that I find myself being able to relate to. But either way, I am socially awkward and people seem to treat me differently because of that. I am in therapy already. When I brought this up with my last therapist, she said it is a spectrum so it is possible to be somewhere on the spectrum and not display all the features. But she couldn't really diagnose me or anything like that.

Well, because I've seen it before in other "support" communities online. Lets take that dailystrength site that was brought up. On the relationship forum there, a 29 year old guy posted asking for advice about his relationship with his 19 year old girlfriend who it seemed was chatting up other guys. He mostly just got people hating on him for dating a 19 year old. In one reply, this lady literally said "I mean...she's a young girl, of course she's gonna talk to other guys..." basically implying that a guy who dates a younger girl has no business expecting her to be faithful, and then of course she went on to make a comment labeling him as immature or having issues or something like that. Then I remember another guy who was 29 made a post about how he was depressed about not having "played the field" enough and expressing how he wishes he was younger so he could date hot younger girls. Pretty much all the replies to his post were angry women shaming him for being "shallow and immature".

Thank you for sharing your story. Youngsters that are growing up nowadays are lucky having all the resources available for them. It wasn't there years ago

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Psychiatrist should be able to diagnose you

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