Feeling almost stuck

I've been with my bf for nearly 6 months now and most of the time its great. Its just lately we've had some problems with his close friend and also another friend that like to cause problems with us. And everytime me and my friends say stuff about them he gets narky at me. Even though he knows they are dodgy ppl. We have come to an agreement to confront these 'friends' and tell them how they make us feel etc but yeah I feel like I have to agree with everything he says otherwise he'll leave me. It never used to be like that. I'm stressed that he wants to leave me and I can't cope with it. I think that i can and then an argument happens and I feel we will break up then I freak out and just think well theres no point me even being alive... I have had this previously and I hate the way that my feelings and emotions are controlled by him (not saying he's aware of this, but I am) I want to find a way to become stronger and not live my life just freaking out over every little argument etc. Does anyone have some advice or ideas? Thanks

Hi Nicole --

I can only share what my experiences have been.

1. Whenever I have felt that a bf, boss, or gf wanted out of the relationship, the intuition was correct.

2. Once the other person has made the "I want out" decision, there is nothing I can do to change that. I cannot make another person love, like, or respect me. Trying to please the Other may postpone the decision, but the mental list of "reasons to leave (or fire me)" is still being kept.

3. In personal relationships, the friendships that the bf has before meeting me are the ones that will be functional after he dumps me.

Trust your instincts. Be true to your authentic self.

Nicole, with information only from your head, you're bound to get what your bf is thinking/feeling "wrong" because he's not included. Then you'll be acting on that stuff in your head and where will you be? Talk to your bf, tell him your fears and get a sense of where he truly is so what you think and feel is more grounded? Then you can trust yourself more and that might make you feel better. It's always good to have "real" information from others rather than guessing or wishing or being afraid, even if the information is painful, just because of its "realness." Our imaginations are so powerful, we can literally imagine anything but that is what made me "crazy." The whole premise that your bf will leave you if you disagree with him. . . tell him about that belief, I bet he laughs or shakes his head and looks at you with utter disbelief :-) Your bf loves you because you are "You" not because you agree with him all the time. What fun is a person that is our shadow and just "agreeable"/like us? You're fun because you're "You".

yeah very true. we actually had a talk about it over the weekend. I told him that when we fight I feel like if I don't agree with him that he'll leave me. He told me that he doesn't feel that way but had had some issues lately. We've talked alot and things seem to be more on track.

If you 2 don't get along, and you feel like you can't be you, then dump him, he's not worth the time and stress that it seems to be causing you. Why be in a reletionship that makes you unhappy? I know I will never be again. It's a waste of time.

I guess most of the time we do get along and we have really well. He seems to not be able to handle me when i'm really stressed though and when I was changing meds it was hard for him. I guess when i'm at a weak point in my life it makes it harder to make decisions like this.. I'll see how it goes but if it keeps getting worse I know i'll have to do something

well, let us know how it all works out!