[CosmicRose]

I tend to break up with guys because after awhile I start feeling exhausted in the relationship. I don't know if this is just because I haven't found the right guy for me, or if it's because I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, or if there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

I should also point out that I deal with anxiety and depression. So that plays into this. This "exhausted" feeling starts showing up after a couple months into a relationship. No matter how good the guy is, I break up with them seemingly out of no where and I feel relieved afterwards....then a few months later I regret it and kick myself for doing that.

I don't understand why I'm doing this. It's almost become a pattern. Is this commitment-phobia or something? Where is this exhaustion coming from? I seem to have a hard time being comfortable around these men as well, almost like I have trouble being myself around them because deep down I think they won't like me or that I'll "mess up" and embarrass myself or something. Almost like I have to be "perfect" all the time, I have to have my make up done (god forbid they see me without make up) I have to look good all the time, act happy, not show them any of my faults.

Can't make sense of this...it's bothering me because recently I did the same thing, broke up with a great guy because I was feeling "exhausted" in the relationship...even though I was falling in love with him, calling him on the phone felt like a chore...shouldn't being with a great guy do the opposite for me? Shouldn't I be feeling energized in a relationship?
Forever alone.

[RDMercer]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Being in a relationship takes work. Your anxiety issues may tire you out.

Step one, know yourself and your red flags.

Step two, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him you have anxiety issues and you need to have some introverted retreat time each week or month.

Step three, keep to the plan... have your planned down time or introvert time where you can focus on you and get some rest.

Or date a shift worker that you can't talk to every day!

Plan some introvert time this weekend. Focus on what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Don't label the feelings good or bad. Just feel and recognize what you are feeling.

You can have a relationship and still be an occasional introvert who needs a break.

[avlady]

it is time consuming and overwhelming in a relationship. you have to start to live according to each others schedules. things get topsy turvy, and you have to be there emotionally for another, and if you have your own emotional problems it gets very hard to deal with anothers beside yourself. i think sometimes people just get bored with another too. people have to keep on top of things and do differrent things that each other like, maybe not even liking what the other likes, that is why people should have alot in common as to activities etc..

[Trippin2.0]

Trying to be perfect must be soooo exhausting.


I know for a fact how absolutely exhausting it is to have to wear a mask all the freaking time, having to do that within a relationship, would definitely wear you out and cause you to end things with the bf.


I don't wear so many masks anymore, if I'm feeling crap, I'm feeling crap, if I'm struggling and need help, I am, sue me for not being appropriate for public viewing 24/7.


Since I've worked on being more authentic, I'm much less prone to exhaustion.


I must say though, I would never even have thought to attempt that within a relationship, they're hard enough work as it is. My bf should rightfully (and does) accept me as I am. It's part of what makes a relationship work, acceptance.


This will remain a pattern in your life until you feel more comfortable with being in your own skin, until you allow someone in, until you give someone permission to see you for who you are, as you are, warts and all.


Nobody is perfect, so trust me when I say that nobody is expecting you to be.

[kim_johnson]

I'm remembering something Katherine Mansfield said about how lovers, too, must have days off. If you think you need to expend a lot of energy / effort in order to present yourself a certain way... Then that will take energy / effort, for sure.

I think... There is some good from that. Being 'on ones best behavior' in some sense. Being... Emotionally responsive to them. Taking care not to dominate. Compromising sometimes on activities etc. That kind of thing can help build the relationship... But it can take a toll on you, for sure.

One thing to do is to limit the amount of time you spend with them. Since it is tiring / requires effort then doing it too much... Will burn you out.

Another thing to do is to... Moderate things a bit. Expend a little less effort. Compromise a little less. Partly it is about... Developing trust. Let him see you without your make-up on. You never know, he may prefer you that way. Etc. You might find that some of the things you expend a lot of effort on... He'd actually prefer you not to. So... You could save yourself some angst and relax into being a little bit more... Naturally you.