[Kajedi]

I wasn't sure where to post this. In all honesty, I just needed to vent. Maybe get some input... Sorry for the long read. There is some cursing in it. I'm sorry. It's a little personal but I just want to hear what others think. I feel like it will give me a better perspective to hear others thoughts.

First off I'd like to say I am 100% sure I am an Introvert. Now, I don't know what my problem is, it's not that I'm a mean person per say because it never even get's to that point. Sometimes I feel like I might lack some empathy but perhaps not so much. I mean, it's not like I'm a robot- if I see someone in trouble or being hurt, it saddens me. But there's a side of me that really dislikes people. This doesn't mix well my my anger issues. Which by the way, I keep very well contained. And not in a Sandy Hook type of way, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me. Somedays I'm just like in this "**** the world, **** everyone" mentality. It passes. Honestly, I keep it bottled up and maybe that's the reason I dislike people. Because I seem to be that guy who much rather walk away from a confrontation then to retaliate. Despite how angry I might be, I can't ever seem to bring myself to hurt someone neither physically or verbally. It's not that I'm scared it's just not in my nature. This is the best way I can put it. Anyway, I'm straying from the point- which is that me disliking people has lead me to a lost in interest in people. A good example of this happened last night.

A relative of mines (not the first time it happens) comes from Cuba to the States. He's a cousin of mines and I'm expected to greet them or else it seems a "rude" or whatever in our culture. I agree, but I dread the moment. Now me personally, I just don't give a **** about meeting them. If it was up to me I wouldn't even show my face. This might sound ****ed up, but I don't see the point in greeting someone you have no interest in a relationship with. It's like starting a book or a movie and never finishing it. My father gives me these lectures about family and how it means everything and I agree with him for the most part. But I also try to explain to him and I tell him "You can't expect me to give a **** about someone I've never met". Family to me are the people that have been there for me, the ones I'm emotionally invested in. He might have my blood, but that doesn't mean I would catch a bullet for that person, let alone jump into a fight with him to help them, because I just don't know the damn person, you follow? I don't care about them and if they died I wouldn't share a tear, let alone think about it for more than 5 minutes. Like when people die halfway across the world, am I suppose to care? To some extent, but that's it.

These people come from this country with this completely different mentality and view on life. It's literally a different lifestyle. I'm the quiet type, hang by myself, follow my own interests and hobbies. In order for me to want to get to know someone, I need know they like the things I like. They do the things I do, we must share commonality. Automatically I know that me and this person have jack **** in common, nor do I want to get to know them for that reason. I'm not big on chit chat but I'm not actively avoiding. Like if I was approached by some random person and they start a conversation- I would explore that conversation and converse with the person. If they can't keep me interested my mind just says "Meh". I'm overtaken by this apathetic feeling once I know we share no future. Hell, my life isn't even that exciting, so what the hell are we suppose to converse about, assuming I'd even want to in the first place. But somehow, in the eyes of my parents and closer family, it makes me "Anti-social". Some 26 year old weirdo who lives in a room at mom and dads house. Rarely comes out of his room... (actually I do all the time, just not when my parents have company over). In my eyes it's not really so strange, I work, I pay bills, I got my own spot to crash so it's not a classic live in the basement of grandmas house scenario. Beside, I really enjoy living with my parents. I don't pay much, I get to save money and do things I like. I'm single so it's not like I'm invested in any sort of relationship. Is it out of the norm, perhaps. But to me it's about content, and I truly am content. I'm happy when I do things I like, by myself. I'm a loner, big whoop. I know they think this- and yeah, I don't care what they think, but I don't want to disappoint my parents and they really guilt trip me about this ****. Because what I really want to tell people is "I really don't want any form of relationship with you, not because I hate you, I don't even know you, I'm just not interested, plain and simple". I wish I can just tell everyone this ****, but I have to abide by this ****ing social standard or else I'm an outcast and it pisses me off.

Hello Kajedi: Welcome to PsychCentral. PC is a great place to gain support, learn strategies for handling mental health concerns, & to make internet friends. There are many wonderfully supportive members here on PsychCentral.

With regard to your post, I'll just say that I am a loner too. I often refer to myself as an "urban hermit". My reasons are different. But I neither have nor seek friends. I am married. So I'm not entirely alone. And I do know people on a casual, acquaintanceship basis. I also have no interest in encountering people I have nothing in common with & won't have any occasion to get to know. So I don't find your preferred lifestyle to be the least bit unusual! It's unfortunate your parents feel the need to try to change you. It's your life. But I know how this goes. I'm an older person now & my parents are long since dead. But when they were alive, they acted similarly even though I was married & long gone from their home.

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[barx]

Kajedi - I see no problem with being a loner who doesn't really like meeting new people or making small talk. I'm the complete opposite though. I really enjoy the energy of other people and I like getting to know new people that I meet. However, I know that everyone is different and I know quite a few people who are like you minus the anger. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you have anger issues?

[insertname]

Well, I recognise a lot of this. I'm quite open about it with people I know and although some of them are offended by it (those people have issues of their own...) I don't consider it a bad trait.

I do not have any curiosity toward others unless I hear them say something interesting and then I am more invested in them. I'm happy to talk to people out of politeness, but I feel no urge to make friends. I have friends, and those friends are fine with me. I automatically assume I don't have much commonality with others and that it would be a chore to socialise and to be polite all that time. Perhaps I'm wrong and there's loads of people like me and I could have a massive crowd of friends, but in all honesty, I don't care. I have no interest.

I do have empathy, though - slightly too much of it because I 'feel others' pain' in a way that is detrimental to me. But that doesn't make me the caregiving type, tbh. I feel their pain, and I want them to be ok, but I also tend to think I'm not the person to help them - someone more comfortable with giving hugs and nurturance and all that is going to be the best person for them. If they want my help, I try, but some people get annoyed because I give them rationality rather than strokes and try to provide practical advice etc. Not in a cold way, and I try to show how much I understand them, more of a 'pep talk' way, I suppose, which I guess not everybody wants. I know myself this sometimes isn't helpful, and it's not like I can't empathise with them, I just struggle to actually put that into words. I don't use emotional words often because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Everybody's different, not everyone is going to want to be life and soul of the party. Don't worry about it

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Kajedi]

Sorry for the late reply. Thank you all so much. I feel like a ton of bricks off my shoulders. The way my parents make me feel about my personality really makes me feel like crap, so hearing what you all had to say felt so alleviating. I seriously thought there was something really ill and broken about me. Like I was completely abnormal and dysfunctional. I know there are certain issues I can work on and improve, things I would like to work on, but I feel alot better that this "main burden" of mines has been addressed. I will definitely keep posting and talk to people on here, thank you for the warm welcome.

[Kajedi]

Originally Posted by barx

Kajedi - I see no problem with being a loner who doesn't really like meeting new people or making small talk. I'm the complete opposite though. I really enjoy the energy of other people and I like getting to know new people that I meet. However, I know that everyone is different and I know quite a few people who are like you minus the anger. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you have anger issues?

Well, I'm just easy to anger. I don't have thick skin, so to speak. I'm a little on the sensitive side. (Something I work on and struggle with everyday) Then the fact that I don't have much of an outlet to express my anger (Thank goodness for my music) I think contributes to frustration. Eventually what ends up happening is I just get really depressed, I feel cowardly that I couldn't express my anger but at the same time like I just can't because I fear hurting others. Best way I can describe this feeling is like- being angry/disappointed at myself for being angry in the first place. Like there's an inner war going on with my pysche. One side tells me "Why worry, why be angry? Just walk away, life is to short. Forget it, focus on better things" and another side that tells me "Let it all out. Snap on this person. Tell them what you feel, hurt their feelings, in they don't like it so be it. If they want to fight you, break their bones". It might sound little poetic and ridiculous but it's honestly the best I can do to describe it.

[Kajedi]

Originally Posted by insertname

Well, I recognise a lot of this. I'm quite open about it with people I know and although some of them are offended by it (those people have issues of their own...) I don't consider it a bad trait.

I do not have any curiosity toward others unless I hear them say something interesting and then I am more invested in them. I'm happy to talk to people out of politeness, but I feel no urge to make friends. I have friends, and those friends are fine with me. I automatically assume I don't have much commonality with others and that it would be a chore to socialise and to be polite all that time. Perhaps I'm wrong and there's loads of people like me and I could have a massive crowd of friends, but in all honesty, I don't care. I have no interest.

I do have empathy, though - slightly too much of it because I 'feel others' pain' in a way that is detrimental to me. But that doesn't make me the caregiving type, tbh. I feel their pain, and I want them to be ok, but I also tend to think I'm not the person to help them - someone more comfortable with giving hugs and nurturance and all that is going to be the best person for them. If they want my help, I try, but some people get annoyed because I give them rationality rather than strokes and try to provide practical advice etc. Not in a cold way, and I try to show how much I understand them, more of a 'pep talk' way, I suppose, which I guess not everybody wants. I know myself this sometimes isn't helpful, and it's not like I can't empathise with them, I just struggle to actually put that into words. I don't use emotional words often because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Everybody's different, not everyone is going to want to be life and soul of the party. Don't worry about it

Thank you so much. Hearing your words is like hearing myself think. I'm resonating with this deeply. Thank you