i never post here, oh well here it goes.

i have a baby's father - very abusive relationship in every way for 7 years. i finally broke free, it still is not over however. we have been broken up for 4 months now. i got him to move out, but he has come back. the problem is he is on my lease. i noticed he was hanging around my house alot - he says to "be with the baby". this is bull****. how do i know? i know because he is outside smoking dope with all the neighbors instead of being with the child. i can't ******** stand this ****. i am trying to file a restraining order and i don't even know what in the hell i am doing. i have a place to go - the problem is, i can't just leave with the child because i risk being charged with kidnapping. i can't even freaking think straight right now. i am so damn angry, i want this to be over. i want to go to my grandma's house where there will be peace for my child and me.

i have a boyfriend, whom i am fighting with now because of this whole situation.
i don't freaking know man, i am sick of dealing with this lazy a ss leech who is using the fact that we have a child to trap me in a cycle of abuse. I HATE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

i can't even relax - this lazy a ss just came up here and *****ed at me about some damn cookies. WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?

and my poor kid, he's confused all the time because of this.
the baby's father starts crap with me; i snap. then he starts saying i am scaring my kid. he is the one scaring the kid, throwing me at the walls, punching on me. all kinds of stuff i'd rather not share because at this point it isn't even important.

i have called the sheriffs department repeatedly. they can't help me because he is on the lease. i'm ******** going insane people.

i have schizoaffective disorder.
i have past substance abuse issues.
am i allowed to say that some marijuana sounds ******** awesome right now? i'm not going to use however - because i know where i end up. i have deeper issues than marijuana. none of that matters. i'm not going to use over this.

i don't know what this post is suppose to be about, i need to dump. whoever is willing to reply, thank you in advance. i don't know what i'm looking for in a reply. maybe someone has some words of hope, because i feel hopeless in this situation. i feel out of control. i feel angry. i feel trapped.

i'm not going to act like i am a total victim in this past relationship either, recently, about two days ago, i beat this ex-boyfriend i blacked his eyes. this is crazy because, he is a gang member. i'm sorry, but when i've had it i do dumb things. i am risking my freedom because i am angry. maybe someone can send me some bible verses, or some words of comfort. i don't know what the hell i'm looking for. hope hope hope hope change change change. i'm over this, i'm done rambling. thanks for listening.

[Big Mama]

Smiles, hang in there hun. You will get that restraining order and this will all be over soon. You and your baby will be safe. You are doing the right thing. You are protecting you. And most importantly you are protecting that baby. You gotta protect your baby's mama.(yourself) You stay strong girl. I know you can do it. You are brave, you are strong, you are Woman hear you roar.

*hugs* Know we are all here supporting you. You come here and talk to us at PC any time you need t. You PM me sweetie. I know exactly what you are going threw. I support you and stand by your side all the way. *hugs*

Vent smiles !!!! this was a very good vent.
I do it when I need to and feel better when I am done. Keep doing it and you too may find some relief.
I wish I had some fantastic words of wisdom for you, but Today I do not.
I am here for you if and when you need to vent again

[vital]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i never post here, oh well here it goes.

i have a baby's father - very abusive relationship in every way for 7 years. i finally broke free, it still is not over however. we have been broken up for 4 months now. i got him to move out, but he has come back. the problem is he is on my lease. i noticed he was hanging around my house alot - he says to "be with the baby". this is bull****. how do i know? i know because he is outside smoking dope with all the neighbors instead of being with the child. i can't ******** stand this ****. i am trying to file a restraining order and i don't even know what in the hell i am doing. i have a place to go - the problem is, i can't just leave with the child because i risk being charged with kidnapping. i can't even freaking think straight right now. i am so damn angry, i want this to be over. i want to go to my grandma's house where there will be peace for my child and me.

i have a boyfriend, whom i am fighting with now because of this whole situation.
i don't freaking know man, i am sick of dealing with this lazy a ss leech who is using the fact that we have a child to trap me in a cycle of abuse. I HATE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

i can't even relax - this lazy a ss just came up here and *****ed at me about some damn cookies. WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?

and my poor kid, he's confused all the time because of this.
the baby's father starts crap with me; i snap. then he starts saying i am scaring my kid. he is the one scaring the kid, throwing me at the walls, punching on me. all kinds of stuff i'd rather not share because at this point it isn't even important.

i have called the sheriffs department repeatedly. they can't help me because he is on the lease. i'm ******** going insane people.

i have schizoaffective disorder.
i have past substance abuse issues.
am i allowed to say that some marijuana sounds ******** awesome right now? i'm not going to use however - because i know where i end up. i have deeper issues than marijuana. none of that matters. i'm not going to use over this.

i don't know what this post is suppose to be about, i need to dump. whoever is willing to reply, thank you in advance. i don't know what i'm looking for in a reply. maybe someone has some words of hope, because i feel hopeless in this situation. i feel out of control. i feel angry. i feel trapped.

i'm not going to act like i am a total victim in this past relationship either, recently, about two days ago, i beat this ex-boyfriend i blacked his eyes. this is crazy because, he is a gang member. i'm sorry, but when i've had it i do dumb things. i am risking my freedom because i am angry. maybe someone can send me some bible verses, or some words of comfort. i don't know what the hell i'm looking for. hope hope hope hope change change change. i'm over this, i'm done rambling. thanks for listening.

I care a lot about you smiles.

- vital

[divine1966]

Hang in
There and listen do get a restraining order. I wish I can help and I wish you the best, hugs

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[~Christina]

Just because his name is on the lease does not allow him to just come over any time and hang out. Since there has been mutual abuse, he can turn around and get that order against you also. not likely, but possible.

Do you have access to mental health and substance abuse help? You need help to learn ways to manage your anger and staying away from un healthy habits. You need to start paperwork in regards to Child support and visitation. Do you see a pdoc and T ??? Are you on medications?

Do you feel safe allowing him to see your child? Do you fear for your childs safety? if so then it needs to be addressed. A social worker would be very helpful to you... You can also find out if legally you can move.

Focus on getting and keeping you and your baby safe.

i do not feel safe. i am acting like i am strong and not weak. i need to get out of here, i feel like **** all the time. i don't have a damn therapist or a psychiatrist. i'm not on medications i don't go to AA/NA meetings anymore - why? because this ex-boyfriend stopped me and i allowed it. i feel so stupid, i let this guy ruin my life only to be the one sitting here in shambles confused; i just want to cry you guys. i can't handle this, i feel so alone in all of this. i don't want to deal with any of this, and why the hell should i? i'm tired.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i do not feel safe. i am acting like i am strong and not weak. i need to get out of here, i feel like **** all the time. i don't have a damn therapist or a psychiatrist. i'm not on medications i don't go to AA/NA meetings anymore - why? because this ex-boyfriend stopped me and i allowed it. i feel so stupid, i let this guy ruin my life only to be the one sitting here in shambles confused; i just want to cry you guys. i can't handle this, i feel so alone in all of this. i don't want to deal with any of this, and why the hell should i? i'm tired.

Okay so he stopped you then.. He cant stop you now. Okay your upset , mad at yourself... but.. YOU can start making your life better. So go find a Pdoc and a T . You need to focus on being healthy for yourself and your baby ! Your baby needs a stable parent.

Therapy can help you find your self esteem and self worth again. Its perfectly okay to angry and feel overwhelmed! Therapy is going to help you unravel the angry and replace it with healthy ways to cope.

You deserve happiness.. But you have to work hard to find it

Hi, what about domestic abuse? No one has the right to hit and throw anyone against the wall! Lease or no lease. What, are the cops stupid or what? He should of been arrested many times over, and that would be a free pass to a restraining order! I hope you find freedom girlfriend and that these ill times come to an end soon! No bible verse is going to say it's okay to take this. Be strong because you are strong!

You are being thought of, things have a way of always working out. You'll get the restraining order, I'm sure..stay strong!

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Okay so he stopped you then.. He cant stop you now. Okay your upset , mad at yourself... but.. YOU can start making your life better. So go find a Pdoc and a T . You need to focus on being healthy for yourself and your baby ! Your baby needs a stable parent.

Therapy can help you find your self esteem and self worth again. Its perfectly okay to angry and feel overwhelmed! Therapy is going to help you unravel the angry and replace it with healthy ways to cope.

You deserve happiness.. But you have to work hard to find it

i'm offended that you think i am not stable. you don't even know me. judging me off of a rant? hahahahahahaha.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Hi, what about domestic abuse? No one has the right to hit and throw anyone against the wall! Lease or no lease. What, are the cops stupid or what? He should of been arrested many times over, and that would be a free pass to a restraining order! I hope you find freedom girlfriend and that these ill times come to an end soon! No bible verse is going to say it's okay to take this. Be strong because you are strong!

i finally filed a restraining order and had the sheriffs serve him. like two days ago.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i'm offended that you think i am not stable. you don't even know me. judging me off of a rant? hahahahahahaha.

I'm sorry I certainly didn't mean to come across as judging , I was feeling concern because your rant came across as you being overwhelmed and I offered advice in terms of focusing on finding solid ground and staying safe both you and your baby.

I'm sorry you felt I judged, was not my intention. I will bow out of your threads,

I wish you the best.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm sorry I certainly didn't mean to come across as judging , I was feeling concern because your rant came across as you being overwhelmed and I offered advice in terms of focusing on finding solid ground and staying safe both you and your baby.

I'm sorry you felt I judged, was not my intention. I will bow out of your threads,

I wish you the best.

i actually apologize i was probably being paranoid, i don't know i have been a mess lately over this entire thing. i appreciate your feedback.

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i finally filed a restraining order and had the sheriffs serve him. like two days ago.

Yaaaay, Im so proud of you girlfriend. Not many other fems have what it takes, so sad. I hope it gets better for you. xoxoxo