[purrpleturtle]

I am hoping to get some closure to a past relationship (2 years ago) that has been haunting me.

My ex of a little over 2 years recently got married. It was an intercultural relationship (I am american he is indian background), and it lasted for almost 3 years. We were in love and he and had discussed a future (Marriage, children) together. After about a year and a half together, I ended up getting pregnant. I knew at the time (I was 26, he was 27) we were in places of our lives where we were not fit to be parents financially, and we decided not to keep it. A big part of me wanted to, and it has psychologically and emotionally scarred me going through the experience. He never told his family about me or the abortion. He finished his masters degree and had to leave the state for work so we were long distance for awhile. He broke up with me aboover text message 7 months after the abortion, but would continue to message me saying he loved me and that it was just a complicated situation.

Time passed and I dated other men and my ex and I stopped talking. He would occasionally message me that he missed me but nothing came of it. In the few months he tried to see me again and even messaged me to tell me he was moving to India and needed to see me. I told him I couldn't do it, and a week later I saw on social media that he got married. I know he wanted to sleep with me one last time and it made me feel very irrelevant to him. A part of me wanted to tell his family or wife what he did but I know it won't do much. I know these things happen to women all the time, but it does not make it feel any better. I would like to know how to move on and free myself from the misery he put me through.

I am so sorry for what you have been through. Unfortunately you may never get closure unless you and him are able to sit down and talk about the events and get everything out in the open. Clear the air. There is always going to be some kind of "waht-if" in your mind until this happens. Are you able to contact him? Would you be able to have a civil conversation with him?

[sideblinded]

So sorry that this happened to you and you are left this way. I hope that you will be able to move on and find better people in your life. Welcome to PC. If you have any questions about how to navigate this site feel free to contact a community liaison or moderator. Best wishes here and at home.

[shezbut]

((((hugs))))

I wish that I could help you, with ideas on obtaining some closure. It's a difficult experience to get through, but you are dealing with a couple of big events. Have you considered working with a therapist (T) at all? Perhaps that would help you come to terms with what happened?

Btw, welcome to Psych Central! Very best wishes sent your way.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry you have gone through so much..

Honestly you may never get closure from " him" ... Hes married now.

Did you see a therapist after your decision about your pregnancy? If not I think you would benefit from talking to one.

I hope your able to grieve the losses and find peace soon Welcome to PC

[CANDC]

Purpleturtle, welcome to Psych Central. Sorry to feel your pain from a relationship that broke up uinder difficult circumstances.

In my experience, where it was impossible to get closure by talking to the person, I had to find closure in myself. It took me a long time because the pain and disappointment ran deep. I had some loving healing people help me so I definitely think a compassionate therapist can be a big help.

PC is a wonderful place to share with people who are here to try to manage their lives. Feel free to private message me or other Community Liasons (left click on blue name to left of post, select send private message to [name])

There are many forums that are an avenue of sharing.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

After 5 posts the Chat room is an option.

[purrpleturtle]

Thank you for all of the replies. It means a lot to me. I have thought about seeing a therapist to free myself of the abortion guilt. I'm also hoping that somehow I will be able to trust men again and to put my guard down. The experience has put me into a deep depression. I hide it very well with a sense of humor and bubbly personality. I did contemplate whether life was worth living at certain points. But I was strong enough to realize those thoughts are unhealthy and that life is really a gift to live.

ChaoticInsanity - I did have the chance about a year ago to talk with him about it in person. It was April of last year when he called me to visit him in Ohio. We spent the day together but just the awe of seeing him (I still had strong feelings) made it hard for me to want to ruin the moment. I know I needed to, and I regret it. He moved back to India now so I won't see him again. As I had mentioned , he messaged me several weeks before his wedding to see me. I originally said I couldn't see him, but he tried to convince me to change my mind. I mentioned I had an idea he was getting married, but he wouldn't admit it to me. He texted the next morning to cancel again after I finally agreed to let him come visit for the last time. I was too embarrassed to mention that on here. I felt too embarrassed and weak that I let him get the best of me again.