relationship help!

On the other hand, it seems u were kinder to the child than her own mother...


If the ex is not an ex due to being an ahole I don't mind.


I don't see why my daughter should be robbed of well wishes and kind words just because my relationship didn't work out.


If he's an ahole, this all changes of course.

Thank you , but she finished the relationship , i have not spoken to the mother or the daughter since August . I want to send a birthday card , but was not to sure . Each person feels different

Envoyé de mon iPhone en utilisant Tapatalk

Hello.

It has been some time since . I have wriiten on the forum.

I just read all my comments .very strange posts .

Life is quite, still single .sometimes get the blues but I cheer myself up .

Still traveling and seeing beautiful cities and countries also people.

I would like to have a person to share it with though.

Thank you for the great website and will try and keep updated about my lifes perles.

Hello

The girl whom I have talked about on this forum .rang me some weeks ago at my work and asked how I was .then I heard nothing from her for a week then she rang me again .Then another week later she turned up my work and asked me to dinner .

The basic of it we chat and she said something strange .she said "dont fall in love with me yet". This was last Thursday I have sent her 2 text msgs on her phone asking if shes fine . no reply.

What am I doing ? and why am I doing this .Its upseting me

You made this comment early on in this thread
That is all the MORE REASON TO NEED THERAPY. You need to learn how to see the RESLISTIC/BIG picture of a person, their good & bad & lesrn how to weigh them out in relstionships. Seeing only good is JUST AS dysfumctional & unhealthy as seeing only the bad & requires just as much therapy to learn more functional ways of observing people.

i believe the majority of people are good, isn't it strange that a few bad people get followers because of fear mongering and other tactics that ruin it for all of the good people. I feel sometimes when I am happy there are people who can't wait to wipe the smile off my face well i pray for them.

Please do not get involved in this again unless she has had some serious professional help. There were so many red flags here the last time. Don’t you deserve better than chaos and instability?

This makes no sense, are you saying you should stay with someone just because they are mentally ill?
At the detriment of your own health?
And have we all forgotten he has a son living through this nightmare also?

He is not a Dr, or a mental health worker it isn't his job to fix her or make her better.
That's her job. But first she has to a knowledge she is unwell.
It sounds very much like she is still drinking,

Also if you read the OP's post, she chucked her daughter out first.
THEN chucked him out cos he wanted to let the daughter back in.
So I would definitely be concerned for the child's welfare.

One more thing, it is so often the case that well meaning partners and their behaviour are actually detrimental to someone's mental health condition because they get pulled into it, causing escalation of the behaviour .

Often it is too late when they see it's the illness affecting the behaviour and they have already fed into the cycle.

This relationship isn't healthy, the woman involved shouldn't be in any relationship.
She should be working on her relationship with her daughter.
And for that she needs help.

Looks like things were broken off back in August 2015 assuming based on your statement May of 2016... and you mention having been single awhile now.

Do not let the fact that you'd like someone in your life to make you vulnerable in the sense that you would let this person back in again. That's called desperation and it never ends up good.

You, I believe, do know the consequences of going through all of that again. Just pause, recollect what you've gone through with this woman and let it sink in before you even think about texting and/or letting it start all over again.

hope this helps.

Thank you everyone for your reply .
Since she contacted me and been to see me it's changed my thinking and my mood as changed .
One thing she said to. Me which as confused me . She said " don't fall in love with me yet " .
Let's see what happens .sine 1 week no messages .
Her other boyfriend finished with her few days ago .maybe that's why she came to see me .
I am.confused

That's exactly why she came to see you.

I have not read the entire thread, but I have been in enough unhealthy situations to know that when someone contacts me a few days after they're through with another person, it isn't because they've been longing for me the whole time. It's because I'm a filler. That isn't fair...don't be a filler.

,
When two (plus family) of you have all that drama and volatility, it is very absorbing and will certainly get your attention. But from what I've read you seem to have a great life, even a happy life, outside of that relationship (although, yes, maybe at times it can be a little boring and depressing being on your own). She isn't going to change. If you want to go back to the fights and being thrown out on the street, then yes, get involved with her again. But really, if even she says "don't fall in love with me yet" then that's one statement I would believe in.

Hello

I am in a new relationship since July 2018 .

She has children and they get on well with me .

Now my girlfriend she goes out to nightclubs at night and does not come back until 10am in the morning. She says shes at her gay friends hous after the nightclub closes at 07am

She has lied to me 2 times . Saying she will not go out and she went out. Now she promised she will not lie about going out to nightclubs.

Last night she told me She is going out and going to a night club . I told her enjoy yourself .

I said this to be cool but really I did not like it . She is 52 years old and she saisd she wants to enjoy life .

I cant go to nightclubs because she goes during the week and I have to work .also my nightclub days are over .

Now my problem is I need to tell her I dont like her doing this but I dont want to impose on her liberty and freedom

How do you find these loosers that really have no interest in having a real committed relationship with you?

If she is doing this & this is not what you want a GF to do maybe you should really look for someone who really shares your own values instead of trying to change someone into having your values?

You seem to have a knack for picking women who are wrong for you.

One of the biggest problems in relationships is not using words to communicate what we need from our parter. You should sit down with her and tell her what you need and how you feel about this. That's not imposing on her liberty and freedom. Just my opinion. Best to you.

Just remember you may communicate what yiu want but it may not be what she wants. At least if you say something you will both know if this relationship is not going to work or whether you are both going to have to work at making is a REAL relationship. Right now yiu are really only existing & touching each others lives when it is convenient

I'm sorry you're struggling, pierrek I think you need to talk to her about this and explain why this is bothering you. Communication is the key for a good relationship. Let us know how it goes. I'm sorry you have to deal with this

It’s nothing to do with communication. People are who they are. This woman likes to spend all night in the nightclub. It’s fine but it’s not the type of woman you want so why date her? You keep dating women who are wrong for you. Dating wrong people and telling them you want them to change is pointless. You need to date right people from the start. I
Think it’s pretty obvious who people are after just few dates. You don’t need to get involved if their life style doesn’t match yours

Communication, Communication, Communication.

Most relationships require compromise to run smoothly and stay healthy...But when we are at constant war with the choices our partner is making, it's time to take a few steps back and re evaluate what it is we REALLY want.

A healthy partnership need not be all or nothing, as consenting adults we get to make the rules, but to do this there MUST be communication. I'm assuming that your new girlfriends children are grown adults and living independently, so there is no reason why she should not be staying out and enjoying herself as she sees fit. If her nightclubbing is a deal breaker for you, then asking her to stop isn't prudent, maybe it isn't your idea of a good time, but she has the right to be her own person.

But this is where communication is key...As her 'boyfriend' you don't get to tell her how to live her life...However, if you are in a situation where you are sharing living space, expenses, and are both committed to a life together, then there needs to be a consensus on what is acceptable and what isn't. But there is no hard and fast rule......communicating your needs & wants with each other is key. Just be warned...To keep your relationship healthy, you may need to agree on a level of autonomy...only you can choose how much you are willing to compromise.

thank you for your comments

my girlfriend moved in some weeks ago and on new years eve she went out for 26 hours and came back and said she would never go out again . she came back with a few bruises on her face were she said someone hit her. she as not gone out nightclubing since . she as walked out on me once and came back the same day .

She likes to argue in front of the 6 year old daughter . but I just walk away to calm the situation .one example was the childs unfinished finished dinner and wants desert and mother said ask me I said no, not until you finish the dinner and then you can have desert and the mother said ok Ill buy her an desert .so to calm the situation I gave her the desert . her mother took it off the child and said I ll buy it for her and I saw you expression on your face when you gave the desert to the child

Thier are a lot more moments like that .I am getting down .dont know what to do ?

You keep finding these unsuitable partners and bring them in and then ask what to do. What to do? Just stop moving in all these ridiculous women

Sit her down, lay out your feelings and expectations. if she violates them even once ask her to leave your house.

Hello Pierrek,

I am so sorry you have experienced this. It sounds like you are dealing with emotional abuse. When a person threatens to end their life that is an abusive effort to manipulate you and never okay in any siutation. In one post you said you don't need therapy because you see the goodness in people. Seeking therapy does not indicate weakness or looking for the worst in people. An experienced therapist could help you break down what's going on in your relationship, how to deal with it, and explore why you partnered with this person.

Abuse does not just get better in time as you suggested. Without professional intervention and consequences, abusive partners tend to become increasingly unhealthy over time. In some cases this can become physically dangerous. The emotional abuse you have already experienced is very harmful. Did you know that emotional abuse can affect your decision-making processes and judgment...leading you to accept behaviors and situations which are not okay. A therapist could really help you with that.

I encourage you to seriously consider a consultation with an experienced psychologist. With regard to why you are in the relationship...you may want to explore your relationship with yourself, self-esteem, your childhood experiences, and your parents' relationship. Our parents teach us how to treat ourselves. We also (often without even realizing) tend to partner with someone similar to the role model we had growing up. A man tends to partner with someone similar to his mother. A woman tends to partner with someone similar to her father. Not consciously though. Of course there can be exceptions but I am wondering how your mother treated you? How did your mother and father get along? These are all important considerations which can be explored with a professional therapist.

I am very concerned about you and the child of your partner. Please take some time to think this through. I need to be candid in telling you that if things continue as they are, I fear they will only get worse. I wish you peace and healing energy.

You must like living around stressful people. You aren't married to this person.....you are not compatible in your values.....stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You are wasting yoyr time while she is using you for a place to stay. Is that really what you want your life to be like?

If not you better start making better choices & realize that NOT every woman who shows interest in you is a possibility for becoming a GF. Get to know them first before making any committment to hsving them move in.....unwise choice on your part.

Pierrek, I think you may find these links helpful:

64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do

Bill from PC also created the following thread:

Dear Abby: Warning Signs of an Abuser

Please remember that you deserve respect, peace, and safety. Always. Whether in a relationship or not.