[Boundboi]

I'm in a relationship currently with a man. We have been together for a couple of years.
After a lot of soul searching, I came out as a Lesbian to him. He denied it up and down. After he attempted to except it, he pulled the same thing again. ><

What he does is he immediately goes into psychosis, has a panic attack, yells at me for anything I've ever done wrong, begs me to say and finally tells me he is going to end his life.
This happens about 4-5 times a month. I've called the cops on him twice and he was baker-acted to a really horrible facility. The second time he went he was raped by a staff member. So, now I'm afraid to call the cops on him.

I don't want him to hurt himself and I don't want anyone to hurt him. We used to fight 3 times a month but since I came out, we argue everyday. He just refuses to leave me. He's even gone as far as to say he wants to get a sex change.

Every day I am so stressed out. I'm losing hair, I'm ignoring my hygiene, I'm abusing benadryl everyday so I don't have to deal with the morning, I'm so unfocused that I can't even study! I just feel like this situation is driving me into insanity.

He has even gone as far as to drop his dog and cat off at my door so they "couldn't see him die". I just... I don't know what to do. I don't. If he goes to a facility he comes out, makes a fake number or email, and sends me these awful things about suicide.

I feel like the longer I stay with him, the further away I will be from happiness. But if I leave, he will end his life and I feel like I'M responsible for it. I feel like I'm stuck with him...

Has anyone gone through this? Just so no one thinks I'm judging him, I have hurt myself before. This was before I even met him. I overdosed through my adolescence. I know how he feels. I just.... I don't think it's fair that I have to just be stuck like this forever.......

[tropicalfishlover]

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This sounds like so much to deal with for one person and I'm sorry that it's come to this The first thing you need to know, though, is that this is NOT your fault. You are NOT responsible for what he does or doesn't do, and can't continue in a relationship with him if you're not attracted to him and don't want to be with him I had something similar happen and I told him that even though I loved him, I didn't want a commitment with him at that time. He threatened to end his life all the time and said it was my fault, but I had to come to realize that it wasn't. It was HIM, and what he was feeling. It sounds like your bf needs some serious help, but he needs it from a professional. You can't save him. Write back if you want to talk more. *Melissa*

[kaliope]

hi boundboi
you are not responsible for his actions. he is manipulating you into staying attached. if he kills himself, that is his choice. he needs to be institutionalized so that he can keep himself safe. it is not your fault what happens to him. it is due to his own poor choices. not yours. you have the right to be happy. he is holding you hostage. get a restraining order if necessary. his choice to act that way, not yours. if necessary, go to counseling together to go through the disengagement. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[avlady]

i agree with kaliope.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Boundboi. Sorry to hear you are having abusive situation with husband. Many people in abusive situations create a safety plan in case violence escalates or abuse becomes unbearable.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan abusive relationships

Many people choose a therapist that specializes in the area of most intensity for them and the therapist can serve as an advocate and reality check. Some people find the different forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Bill3]

What he is doing is known as emotional blackmail. I urge you to look into it, for example:

Out of the FOG - Emotional Blackmail

If he goes to a facility he comes out, makes a fake number or email, and sends me these awful things about suicide.

You might want to consider getting a restraining order against him, changing your email, and phone number, blocking him, etc. He is harassing you and you do not have to put up with that.

He just refuses to leave me.

You can leave him.

The second time he went he was raped by a staff member. So, now I'm afraid to call the cops on him.

When someone threatens violence against themselves or someone else, the correct thing to do is call the police. I hope that you will do that again if he makes it necessary.

[healingme4me]

How about a restraining order/anti harassment order through the courts?. Having empathy for someone struggling emotionally and to be harassed, stalked, bullied or manipulated are not one in the same. You are under no obligation to be stuck with this individual in your life.
Have you tried, no contact? What does your T, suggest?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[hvert]

I agree with everyone. You are not responsible for the choices he makes. If he believes he is in danger at the facility, he can choose not to harass you. I think there's a chance that he is lying about that, btw - I was in a similar situation and the guy told me a similar story. I learned later it was a lie to make me feel sorry for him.

You are in a really difficult position, but your instincts to call the police when he threatens suicide are good. I recommend reading 'The Gift of Fear' for some ideas about the best way to handle people like this.

And, yeah, I've gone through breaking up with people who then threaten suicide. Both are still alive and moved on to new people rather quickly.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Boundboi!!!
It's so nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. I look forward to seeing you around!!!