Keeping my distance? Need your help

I am typing on my phone so pardon typos or autocorrect. I am struggling here. I started seeing this guy, I like him a lot. I know he likes me, am not sure how much but fur sure he does. I am kind of falling for him I guess.

My typical thing is to like unavailable men so my t keeps telling me to keep my eyes open and bs mindful of red flags. Well easy to say. The thing is I feel like I want more from a guy. Emotionally speaking more, more him calling texting more expressing affection (when we not together he is affectionate when we together) etc more time with him etc

At the last session my t told me to maintain my distance to let guy to come forward more. If I am very available he will supposedly pull away more. That feels like a game to me. I feel that it is more natural for me to tell him what I want and how I feel. Otherwise it feels like a game.

T says I have to play a bit of a game being distant with him because of my past experiences of men talking me for granted
As I am too forward.

I feel anxious about doing what she says. And feel anxious telling him how I feel (wanting more attention). Overall I feel pretty miserable today cried all morning etc

I don't believe in games. I believe in honest communication. I need your help guys as I am pretty upset today

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I totally understand what you are saying. I feel the same way. I don’t believe in playing games and would rather just be upfront and communicate my needs. I’m dating a guy right now that I really like but I’m not getting what I need out of the relationship (wanting more attention or the feeling that he thinks of me and wants to be with me when I’m not there). I’ve had a conversation with him a couple times about my needs and it really does no good. For whatever reason, men seem to act on challenges and pull away from direct communication.

So I ask, is this a guy thing or are we not valuing ourselves enough as women?

Know you have value and options, know what you want, pick the guy that you love and loves you back. If you aren’t getting what you need, it’s his loss and you should move on.

There are some articles I’ve read that say the less you are available or less interest you show, the harder they’ll try if they really like you. That’s BS in my opinion. Maybe a man can chime in with their thoughts here.

For now, all I can say is hang in there, but value yourself. You deserve to be treated and loved the way that you want, the way that makes you feel satisfied. If he can’t step up to that challenge, then he’s not worth having around.

Being overly available will cause his level of interest in you to drop. Because you are always there for him, he may start taking you for granted.

Wanting more attention from someone you are attracted to is natural. Expressing it when you don't know how the other person feels about you is tricky. Asking for too much, too soon, can make you look needy and demanding.

If the feelings of attraction are mutual, then it will happen, but only at a pace that is comfortable for both parties. Enjoy each other, but allow things to move along naturally.

i think if someone really loves you, there should be no head games. like someone said pick the guy you love who loves you back.

I don't believe in mental games with someone you care about or love. If he is like this now what makes you think he won't be like this later in the relationship? Look at some of the signs now and think do you really want to start a relationship with games? It's a lot on one person to deal with. There are two in a relationship not just one. I'm not sure why some men do this but they tend to allow the women do the work and yes it's seems to be game. Don't contact him for a couple of days and see if he come to you.
Good luck and don't sell yourself short.

He does contact me but very briefly, he supposedly is very busy right now and I do believe it to be true but why on earth would he date someone if he is that busy?

I agree about not playing games and don't understand why t even suggests that?

I did tell him how I felt he first said sorry and I am right but then sounded all angry at me or upset? Then he says he is just stressed and busy. I am so hurt don't know how to get through the day

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The thing is that we started having sex and he is very affectionate and attentive yet when we aren't together he doesn't appear to care

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I think he is yet another unavailable man and I need to leave him now. It saddens me so much I can't stop crying. I need help . So anxious

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How do you now what he is feeling/thinking when he is not around?

How long has this relationship been? When you tell him you need more time/attention he says no?

It is recent. A month and a half about two months . He doesn't say no, he says he understands and is sorry but he is under extreme stress. It is correct. He just got a new job he has to travel to see his mother who isn't well he is moving and has special needs son. So this is all understandable, but I don't even ask fur more time just a bit more contact. He tells me to bear with him for now.

I am too anxious to enjoy uncertainty

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Problem is I can't get anything done being so anxious hard to get through the day

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Maybe just not a good time for him to be in a relationship

Although more contact should be fairly easy with today's technology. Just a text or phone call would only be a few minutes.

Sorry that he doesn't seem willing to make that effort.

He does contact me daily but it's just a short text not much more yes I'd like more effort but am not getting it

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Now I am more anxious than before and I an trying to remember what t says "you won't die of feeling anxious" I know I won't die but I feel sick

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My best advice (as someone also prone to anxiety) would be to focus on your coping strategies. If you have relaxation techniques take time to yourself to practice them, if not then research some. Everyone is different, find what works for you.

I have to be honest, from what you write he seems like he's just got a lot on - of course I can't know for sure, just how it seems in writing. Also we all differ in how much contact we need with SOs, this may just be his preference, it's for you to decide whether it's a deal breaker or not.

I tend to get anxious (in friendships rather than my long term partnership), second guessing when people don't get in touch. Generally driving myself crazy. I have to work on this, what helps is keeping busy, social events, sport, volunteering, getting outside my own head. Not meaning to be patronising, this may or may not apply to you, take what you want from it. Take care, hope you can find something that works for you.

Not patronizing at all, I am grateful for any suggestions. Thank you.

Yes he does have a lot on his plate. My issue is that I am attracted to unavailable men and I ignore red flags and then I fall in love and it makes it harder, I eventually leave but I get hurt in the process. I am afraid he is unavailable and I am going to fall for him. I will wait a bit longer and see

I appreciate advice on
Relaxation. I have been very stressed lately. I have financial difficulties and my mom has stage 3 cancer. It's been a struggle

I keep very busy to avoid anxiety. I do many things. Demanding job hobbies social life etc Sometimes I am too busy to notice red flags in men I date. So it is a vicious cycle.
I am anxious with two things in life: money and men. I am trying

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