My sister's husband committed suicide over 8 years ago. He was cremated. He's in a yellow plastic container-that looks like it could be a fast food take out box-and it's been sitting in my parent's garage since he died.
My Mom doesn't seem to see anything wrong with this. She "talks" to him, she says. I think it's a disgrace.
I got riled up about it and my Mom said I sounded like Daffy Duck. What gives? I sound like Daffy Duck? GRRRRRRRRRR..
Mom just lost some serious good points with that one.
GRRRRRRRRRR...
Daffy Duck?
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope to God I die after they all die because I'm sure a stranger would show me a more respectful burial.
GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Have I mentioned how much I don't like my family?

i have two of my dog's ashes. i talk to them. they are in beautiful vases in the LR.

OMG!! See what I mean? You treat your dogs better than what my sister treats her husband!
Okay, now I know it's not me. It's not. I now understand what I had to deal with growing up. It's becoming more and more clearer. No wonder I'm such a stupid nut case! I looked up to these people for love, support and guidance. Okay, so I got a little confused because of it! I'm on the right track now. Moving on...
Thanks Fay. I'm in one of my ranting moods.

I'm crazy. I don't even know why I care. My moms right. I"m a god damn daffy duck. Im nothing but a friggin head case. I hate me I wish I were dead, I don't even know why I friggin' try.\

Jax, you mean a lot to me. you aren't crazy. we might be nuts, but we're all nuts together. please don't let your family drag you down. i know how hard it is. mine affects me horribly. but just try to protect yourself and take care of you.......love you, pat

[Wants2Fly]

I don't think you are nuts, Jax.

I don't necessarily think that your family is wrong to keep the ashes in the garage, either. It wouldn't be my choice but . . .

death is such a huge thing, and people have different ways of dealing with it.

[Robyn222]

What does you sister think about this?

Hi,
I forgot I even wrote that. I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote it then I went back to sleep. Kinda scary how my sleepy mind works. I don't wish I were dead.
I don't know what my sister thinks about this. I haven't talked to her about it. My Mom, evidently, is now taking care of him. She says she talks to him. Maybe she needs him there on some level? Yeah, my view on how to treat the dead are much different then my families. I also got upset because my Aunt Rose doesn't have a tombstone on her grave. Mom told me her husband was buried there many years and she never got a tombstone for HIM although she had the money. hmmm. I guess that makes sence but I'd still like to get Aunt Rose and her husband a tombstone.
Thanks for your support.

[Maven]

I agree with you, that it's sad that your mom doesn't have your brother-in-law in a nicer container and in a more respectful place.

[Wants2Fly]

I don't think my mother has ever been to father's grave since the day he died. The plot is in a cemetery with many family graves. My mother's sister and brother-in-law (a much loved aunt and uncle of mine) regularly tend the graves.

Since mom's example was plant 'im and leave 'im, it was about 30 years before I visited my dad's grave another time after the funeral. I went one evening with my aunt and uncle. It was nice, but I don't feel much connection to the site, growing up as I did.

Perhaps that's why I have a more casual attitude toward the container and location. I once read a report that almost all people are forgotten within the third generation after one's death. He is in your mother's heart, and isn't that the most important place for him to be?

(((((((Wants2Fly))))))
I don't know if this will trigger anyone so I put a trigger icon on it 'cause it deals with suicide.

My Mom is in a lot of pain from being sick with a variety of things-she's tired of being in pain so she sometimes goes into the garage and talks to him about going to the shed in the back yard and offing herself. She talks to him about it because he actually did off himself in the basement of his house. I'm sorry, this sounds really sick but that's what she tells me. Of coarse, I talk to her and make sure she's okay and I'm sure she's just venting frustration and I don't think she'd ever really do anything.
Anyway, that seems to be her little thing with him.

I apologize Jax if I am hijacking but I wanted to respond to Wants2fly.

it was about 30 years before I visited my dad's grave

It was eight years before I went to my father's grave. I had just turned ten when he died. My mother took us kids to the cemetery often, but every time I went I would end up hysterical. So she started asking me if I wanted to go and I said no, it was too painful.

I lived with major guilt for those eight years until I was eighteen and decided to go one day. I had a hard time finding it, so hard in fact that I left in tears, unable to find it. My brother brought me the next day.

I went there often, looking for that connection too. It was hard to find. I just told myself that if there was an afterlife, he would at least know that I cared.

My mother stopped going after a year or so. She also had trouble dealing with it. I felt like we had abandoned him and that felt horrible.
___________________________

Ok. Back to the original topic now.

Jax, you said "I'd still like to get Aunt Rose and her husband a tombstone."

Your kind and caring thought touched my heart. I remember you posted about this a long time ago and I wished I could help you find a way. I still do.

Thanks Petunia. Once I move out of this place, I can focus on other things, financially, and I can get her one then.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi -- I'm not sure why the trigger icon looks like a little basketball but of course that's

Jax, it really seems that this situation is more complicated than at first explained. I'm glad you are keeping an eye on your mother. I pray that there will a way to alleviate her pain. I've gone through prolonged periods of back pain, and I'm sure that wasn't nearly as bad as pain people experience from cancer and truly severe injuries.

I wonder if part of your concern with the container and the location is because the situation, taken as a whole, is indeed troubling. This is not about a plastic container of ashes in a garage, and a sweet if somewhat daft older woman who talks to it. It is not about secrets and suicide and worry and love. Wow what a mix! No wonder you are all shook up about this.

((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))

((((((((((Wants2Fly)))))))))))))
Thank you.

[Wants2Fly]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Wants2Fly said:
It is not about secrets and suicide and worry and love. Wow what a mix! No wonder you are all shook up about this.

((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Jax, apparently you realized that the word "not" was not supposed to be in that sentence. So upset the past few days that I can't type without typos. Thanks for the huggie, I need it.