How to reject without things turning sour?

What concerned me is that op said it happens OFTEN.

She befriends men and when they express feelings she doesn't want it. At the end they get hurt. That is why I suggested to her stop becoming friends with single men as men rarely just want to be friends with single women. At the end they feel led on and they get hurt.

I'd think since it happens often it is time to rethink it and stop going it

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You aren't a horrible person at all . But I do think you need to stop befriending single men as it seems always ending the same way.

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Just hate me already.

No one hates you!

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(((((connect.the.stars)))))

What would you think of a job/career that involves doing what you seem drawn to do anyways, which is help those in need?

(((((connect.the.stars)))))

Stars, I think the amount of thought and emotional energy you put into this proves you're not a bad person at all.

There are multiple sides to this. What he did is a shocking upheaval of the existing relationship dynamic. This has to be an accepted risk for anyone when trying to change from a friendship to a romantic. You often can't go back and it really changes everything. His expectation that he can have his cake and eat it too is just immaturity. You can't just spring that on someone and then if they're not interested hit the rewind button to go right back to the same friendship dynamic.

I think what you describe is a reasonably common occurrence and it does sometimes break the friendship due to awkwardness. I think that may just be human nature in some ways. Don't give up on having male friends tho!

I'd want to do that, but I feel like the careers that help people are all related to medical school. Or they are non-profit/charity organizations. My whole life has been spent checking all the boxes that prune and prep me for a career in the corporate business world since that's what my parents wanted and thought was best for me. I don't exactly hate my job (I barely just started it). But businessmen/women get bad reps for feeling no compassion for people unless profit margins are being met. It's all about the money, and I hate being associated with that. I'm basically an ugly duckling trying to fit in and pretend like I'm one of them. But what can I really do? I haven't even saved up enough to live a stable life on my own. Ends have to meet. I can't go back to school and take out more loans to restart my life. Got to work with what I have. In the end, I really am selfish and "all about the money." Even if I wanted to do non-profit work and charity, I can't see how I'd survive on no paycheck. So really I am your typical greedy, self-entitled, superficial, hypocritical, hurtful, ungrateful, attention-seeking, little ***** who is looking for excuses to cover it all up with feigned innocence and tries to blame other people for things that should be my own responsibility.

You are calling yourself some pretty bad names. You really feel that bad about yourself? Do your parents contribute to you feeling low about yourself?

Are these same parents that forbid you to see a therapist or take Meds? I wouldn't care if I saved enough and move out tomorrow. You can rent small apartment. If your reason for goingI to corporate world is money, you probably make enough to rent a small place.

You can help others in your spare time by volunteering. There are other carriers that help people besides medical. I teach special Ed, help others every day.

But I think step one is to move out

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Green, no, I am bad. He tried to apologize. I should have accepted it instead of allowing myself to hold a grudge in bad taste for something they couldn't control. They're just as hurt for having been led on and that doesn't make their pain any less significant. I should forgive them instead of making myself seem like a complete angel as an excuse for not taking responsibility for my hurtful actions.

Small one bedroom apartments near where I work cost $2000+/month to rent.

Let's just say, I did the math and that's way out of my budget.

So I'm saving saving saving...

Hope you can save fast!

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Hi connect.the.stars, You have given me amazing advice before......I so wish I could do the same for you now. I am pretty sure I understand the problem you're describing because I think I have a tendency to do the same thing with men. And I believe it does have something to do with being too nice.

Ahhhh....I just wrote out a bunch of ideas, then deleted them because I'm not being clear.

I guess for now I'll just say that you are clearly not a bad person (that is very obvious). Quite the opposite, hun.

I think that you are very hard on yourself. I'm sure you have expenses and loans. There is nothing wrong with working in business. In fact, quite a bit of business involves helping people do stuff that they can't do, or can't do so well, for themselves. You are starting out, and it's good that you are saving. (Keep your savings in your own name.) As time goes on you will be able to use your savings and experience and skills for the ends that you want to pursue.

I don't think you're being unforgiving, but you're a better judge of the situation than me since you're in it.

How you feel is important too. There are a lot of demands on you in a situation like this. It forces you to try to navigate some sort of emotional minefield another person laid out before you. An apology doesn't just fix everything or take away that this can be emotionally draining. It's a nice first step, but I'd still feel a bit weird after this for a while. I've had a similar experience in the past where people just continue to try to take.

You seem to be pretty hard on yourself. You don't need to try to please everyone in this scenario. Be true to how you're feeling. That's really tough for me to do so easier said than done. However, it's an honest approach and I think makes it easier on everyone involved maybe? So if you're feeling overwhelmed and you need some time away from the situation that's fine. Or if it made you feel uncomfortable and you didn't want to hurt his feelings and now aren't really sure how to react that's fine too. Take your time. His apology doesn't demand an immediate switch in your feelings/behavior.

It may not directly apply to your situation but it sounds somewhat similar to areas where I have trouble. I get pretty caught up in trying to be or feel a certain way for other people at times, and I'm trying to work on this. For people to be my friend they need to respect what I'm going through as well and they can't do that if I'm constantly trying to manipulate those feelings rather than expressing them as they are.

best of luck

Thanks Green. Sorry I have no nice response I can come up with right now, but I'll keep your advice in mind. Everything I've been saying and thinking lately is poisonous. So I'm sorry to everyone for saying mean things and attention-seeking. I'll figure something out.

I know it's rude of me to keep wasting other people's time when I am stubborn and unwilling to change myself. I really ought to be more thoughtful. I need to be more open minded and recognize all the areas I need to improve. Thanks for everyone's concern and I appreciate the time and thought you guys put into writing responses to me. Sorry for the trouble I may have caused.