Not sure what is wrong with my wife

Greetings. Allow me to tell my story about me and my wife. First let me start with me. I have always been the type of man to try and be the perfect boyfriend/husband/father. When I first met my current wife I was known as the perfect boyfriend. I would do anything and everything to make her happy. EVen when she did not ask. I always went above and beyond because I truly enjoyed doing it and enjoyed being that type of man. She had a 2 year old daughter when I met her. After 4 months of dating we got pregnant. 9 months later we gave birth to our son and a year later got married. We have been married 2 and a half years now. My wife is younger than me, 26, while I am 29. We always had what I feel was a normal relationship with normal fights and normal happy times. We both have our past and both take meds for depression. Mine help me to avoid anxiety. When I do not take them I am always worried about everything. About if I make people upset or whatever. She takes them because...well to put it bluntly without them she is pretty *****y. She will complain about everything and just be mad and sad and everything else. Now the a year ago. Our daily routine has pretty much always been the alarm goes off at 4:30. She wakes me up and asks me to go make her coffee and breakfast if she hungry. I do this every morning and never minded because I know it makes her day easier. After I bring her that I would get the kids clothes laid out and get their breakfast ready and get the wife’s lunch ready and the kids lunches ready and anything else that needed to be done. My wife would then leave for work to get there around 5:30. She has a very stressful job which she hates but is very good at it. After she leaves I get the kids ready and we go. I drop son off at daycare while me and the my step daughter drive to the school she attends and I teach at. I go through my day which I will admit is not as stressful as hers. While at work I email her every day and we will send around 5 to 6 emails just to talk about our day. Nothing long. I then get home about 2 hours before her where I will do homework with the step daughter, get supper going, clean the house and pick up, and on some days do things like mow the lawn and everything. Now I love my wife but when she gets home not often does she help. She will sit on the couch exhausted from her day. So I will try and pick up and clean up the best I can and tell her to go take a hot bubble bath and relax and I will do whatever I can to make her relax. Now this has changed recently in that she gets off of work earlier and we get home at the same time and she has been very helpful in cleaning. Here is the issue we are having. I feel like after 3 years of doing everything for her she has gotten spoiled. About a year ago I will admit I slacked off. I started not doing as much during the day and in the morning and whatever. I feel because I was just tired. It was exhausting doing everything I did especially mentally. And ever since then she seems to gripe at me about everything. I am a laid back guy and when she leaves her clothes on the floor I just pick them up. Not worth the fight but when I do it and she in a bad mood I get my *** chewed out. I have always believed in fair play and feel like it is not fair. I feel like most of the things she gets mad at for are things she also does. But whenever we fight and I try to defend myself she says I am just trying to win the argument and says she’s wrong. Now don't get me wrong I am not perfect. I do leave trash around and not always pick up after myself and do slack off lately on cleaning but I think it is because I don't care as much because of her *****iness on the matter. And lately feel like she is getting worse and basically making me feel like I am one of those husbands who doesn’t do crapt. While I may not be the supper dad and husband I used to be that could do everything and then do more I still try hard to do what I can. And maybe if she would stop acting the way she has been acting and start acting like my wife again I would be more inspired to be that guy again. Like this morning she got mad at me because she said I don't help as much anymore in the mornings. Well I do still wake up before her to make her coffee and breakfast but while she eats and drinks it in the bed I go back to sleep or at least lay down for abit. I also am the one who 9 times out of 10 wakes up when the 3 year old wakes up. Now I do stay up until around 10 or 11 but because I feel like that is the only time I have to myself. She usually falls asleep at 8 or so with me scratching her back. And heaven forbid I don’t scratch her back. Then about 20 min before she leaves I get up and fix the breakfast and lay out clothes and go start her car if it is cold. I just don’t know if she doesn’t love me the way she used to or if she is just going through something with all the stress of her job and money stress and kid stress and everything else. I have always been easy going and handle problems like that rationally and I do not freak out over them like her. Advice?

well for one cuddles to you for being an amazing husband, but unfortunately you have created a monster....she has taken you for granted and now you have to stand on your feet and get your respect back...I have seen this before with a friend of mine and this man gave her the moon and stars and she treated him like ****....belittled him, took him for granted , manipulated him so bad , would use the kids against him etc....they are still together but she has manipulated him so bad that he thinks his marriage problems were his fault and has agreed to change whatever it is to fix things....look at your self worth and know you have the right to be respected and appreciated...and that you do not have to settle for that...just my opinion....all the best to you

You sound like a great husband and father. Your issues sound like fairly normal issues in a marriage, except usually it's the wife that does everything. I have two young kids and work full time and do/did 90% of the share of everything. About a year and a half ago through therapy I realized how much I resented my husband for it and was ready to end the marriage if it didn't become more of a partnership.

I will say that because of marriage counseling he has stepped up a lot. I still do a lot more of the child care and housework, but it's much better than it was. I had to learn to ask for help instead of just doing it myself. I still struggle with that because sometimes it's just easier to do it myself. But I have to remind myself that he isn't me and won't automatically do things sometimes and that I may need to verbalize it.

You need to sit down with your wife and discuss how you are feeling. You are not being selfish, she has been spoiled to this point. You can still do more since you have less work stress and more time. However, she can wake herself up, get her own breakfast and coffee and start her own car. She is a grown, responsible woman. Give yourself the extra time to sleep in. When she gets home she should be able to have a half hour or whatever to unwind, but then she needs to be a partner in the home and marriage. Maybe switch off nights cooking or you cook and she does the dishes, etc.

Good luck!

Dang she doesnt know what she's got I'd be estatic if my husband picked up his own clothes and helped out with our son more and did nice things for me or made me breakfast or even just kissed me you know or just be nice to me like a friend

You apparently have signed, at least in your mind, an agreement to eternal servitude without recompense. You do it all and your wife does nothing. I think you have it right when you say she has gotten spoiled. All things are subject to revision and resission - pick a time to set aside to talk about what you are feeling and your sense of having an overwhelming share of responsibilities. If she is reasonable she will acknowledge she had it good but now its time to pick up some of the responsibility herself. If she denies that you do I would take unilateral actions to change it myself. Do what you feel you can and what you want to. STOP SCRATCHING HER DAMN BACK, that is in no way an essential maintenance item and if she's not helping out she has no right to expect you to continue. DO NOT BE A DOORMAT, you appear to have conditioned yourself to it although it is getting uncomfortable but you are too defensive, it seems to me, by your own words seemingly reluctant to make a change and feeling you need to justify your desire for a change when it seems only common sense and courtesy to me.

You need to disavow her asap of her mistaken belief you are her hand puppet houseboy. Try to communicate maybe she will cooperate, if not, then there is no need to compromise - it takes two - do as you please. Take back you life. My father did much the same for my mother but it didn't stop her from leaving him - none of his acts of love kept her with him. My father didn't know how to talk about love, he was born in 1895 to an immigrant farmstead with 14 hungry mouths and there was no time for such things. So his way was, like yours, to do nice things however when the person you are doing them forces ceases to be grateful and sees them as an entitlement its time to set the damn record straight.

You sound like a lovely husband. I think the issues lie with your wife here. Have you considered suggesting her to see a therapist?