[navya_mishra]

Hi. It has been two years since my ex dumped me. I am dating somebody else and he is amazing, perfect and I am very, very happy to be with him. My ex was negligent, self absorbed and always acted vulnerable, until he got to a new point in life where he was considerably happy and had no use for my presence in his life. Prior to that, we had been in a long distance relationship for almost two years then. Things got rocky, I was mean to him and then he dumped me over email. I did not hear from him for all that while until 2 years later I decided to write to him, following several episodes where I'd have dreams about him, to tell him that all was great and to smoothen things out between us. He was communicative but just as self absorbed. Ever since that incident, the episodes of dreams got worse. Every night I dream about him , sometimes we're within a common social setting where he can see me and it hurts me that he doesn't ackowledge my presence, in some dreams (which started a little later) he starts to ackowledge my presene and it feels like we might be able to talk after all, but there is always an interruption. Of late I have been having dreams about trying to call him or sending him a message. It leaves me feeling weak and mixed up. Is there cause for concern? What should the ideal course of action be? Should I get closure? When I am conscious and awake, I yearn for revenge

[healingme4me]

Could be your subconscious trying to tell you that you've felt unacknowledged in the relationship with him, and that it wasn't getting anywhere because of the interruption of him being self absorbed.
It is curious that in your current relationship you are plagued by your past relationship. Is there something lacking, any repeated patterns that are reminiscent of your previous relationship?


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[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) navya_mishna. Sorry to hear you have been suffering from your emotions and dreams. There seem to be conflicting emotions. When awake you are angry and feeling abandoned. When you sleep you feel like you cannot work things out with your ex. Trying to get back someone who dumped you can be most frustrating. Closure for some is moving on to other relationships that don't give you nightmares.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will also help them sort out the roots of their life.

Getting enough sleep may be the single one thing that keeps people in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, contact your psychiatrist and tell him what is happening so you can make adjustments.

I find that mindfulness (meditation without the religion) and breath awareness help me cope with stress.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping with loss. (search box right top enter coping with loss)
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central navya_mishra!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[kaliope]

hi navya
it may be that need for revenge that is keeping him in your mind and your dreams. finding a way to let go and move on would probably solve this issue for you. you could try writing a letter to him, not one you send, just one to get all those feeling out, that you ritually burn afterward, symbolic of letting go. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[where.ever.you.are.]

Originally Posted by navya_mishra

Hi. It has been two years since my ex dumped me. I am dating somebody else and he is amazing, perfect and I am very, very happy to be with him. My ex was negligent, self absorbed and always acted vulnerable, until he got to a new point in life where he was considerably happy and had no use for my presence in his life. Prior to that, we had been in a long distance relationship for almost two years then. Things got rocky, I was mean to him and then he dumped me over email. I did not hear from him for all that while until 2 years later I decided to write to him, following several episodes where I'd have dreams about him, to tell him that all was great and to smoothen things out between us. He was communicative but just as self absorbed. Ever since that incident, the episodes of dreams got worse. Every night I dream about him , sometimes we're within a common social setting where he can see me and it hurts me that he doesn't ackowledge my presence, in some dreams (which started a little later) he starts to ackowledge my presene and it feels like we might be able to talk after all, but there is always an interruption. Of late I have been having dreams about trying to call him or sending him a message. It leaves me feeling weak and mixed up. Is there cause for concern? What should the ideal course of action be? Should I get closure? When I am conscious and awake, I yearn for revenge

I have experienced the SAME THING! My dreams have effected me in lots of ways. Sometimes ill have a dream about somebody that I used to date and when I wake up, I feel sad and a need to communicate. Ive had dreams where this person that I was involved with purposely ignores me in a social setting and it makes me feel just as horrible as it did in real life. Then sometimes i'll have dreams about this person where we actually talk about things and the actually show me that they care. But still, I wake up sad because I know it was just a dream. Also, I do not have closure with this person.

I've heard that if your thinking about somebody, that means that they're thinking about you. I dont know if it's true but lot's of people have told me this. I think maybe you long for closure from this man and you havent fully let him go yet. Seeking revenge is still a sign of holding on, I think.