[greentealeaves]

Hello,
I'm writing to share some troubles I've been having. My basic problem is that 24 and I've never really had a real relationship in my life. It seem like around every corner you walk by you see someone people together, and I have friends getting married at this point, which makes it even more frustrating for me. I must admit, i am on the shy side why probably adds to the difficulty. It hurts that every woman I am able to ask out won't give me a chance. It really feels like I'm fighting a lost battle. I'm trying as hard as I can to be positive about the whole thing, but its hard to keep my head up all the time when I'm alone and can't change things. Is there really something that wrong with me or am I just cursed with horrible luck. I'm just writing to see if anyone has any similar experiences or words of advice.

[Perna]

greentealeaves, I am female and didn't get married until I was 39, didn't meet my husband until I was 34-35! There's nothing wrong with "you". Maybe practice being "friends" with a few women (work, school) and getting a little more confidence/less shyness?

Where are you meeting the few women you're asking out? How soon do you ask them out after meeting them, etc.? I was shy when I was young and really liked "friendly" guys. It was a relief to just go have a nice day with a guy, maybe even in a group? Do you belong to a church group or fraternity/special interest/professional group of any sort? Activities they put on are often good activities to ask women to the first time.

[Wants2Fly]

I like Perna's suggestion -- I am an introvert, and I find it challenging to make connections and sustain relationships. Joining a group puts the focus on a common interest or activity instead of on "meeting someone."

I also recommend this little book:

Personal Village, How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance by Marvin Thomas

It gives very pragmatic suggestions. I procrastinate about following these suggestions because of my unresolved inner insecurities, but the complete game plan for how to get a nurturing life going for oneself is there, all mapped out, starting with the simple step of taking a walk around the neighborhood every day.

Good luck.

how cool, Wants. i'll try to find that book at the library. budget doesn't allow for much book "buying"........i love that idea!!!!!

[greentealeaves]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I've been trying the proactive route and getting out and doing things to break the ice. Two things that I have been doing are taking a yoga and tennis class regularly, and I've started going back to church again, although I haven't gotten into a smaller group. I'm a grad student in economics, so most of my close friends are within the department, unfortunately, there aren't that many women in econ. As far as my approach with women, I've tried different things from asking someone out right away at party or something, to the slow friend approach with someone I've become really attached to in my grad department. This person is really difficult to let go of because I have to see her most everyday.

As far as other good, practical books, "Be Your Own Dating Service" by Nina Atwood is another good one, that many other people find helpful as well.

[Wants2Fly]

It sounds like you are doing everything right, GreenTea. Give yourself time -- and pat on the back for the all right moves you are making.