In light of my discussions around these forums the last few weeks, I found it incredibly serendipitous that I stumble on this article tonight. It's interesting, so I thought I'd share...

Why We?re Attracted To People Who Are Wrong For Us | Idealist Revolution

[Crazy Hitch]

It's a very interesting concept this.

That's why I live my life motto by this:

"I know who I am."

And that is the truth.

[So regardless of whether others intentionally or unintentionally did things that may have brought me down; doesn't change who I am as a person at all - I know who I am]

[Webgoji]

I'm kinda confused. She refers to the "little self" as the ego. As in Id, Ego and Superego? But then uses the term "soul" for the "higher self". So she goes from one term to the something I thought was unrelated.

And ... is she really advocating having bad relationships so you "activate your wounds" and grow from it? This sounds to me like some of the worst advice I've ever heard. I mean, how are you going to grow as a person by seeking out an abusive partner?

Your unconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds. The reason for this is so you’ll grow.

I'm just really confused by the whole thing ...

I'm not sure I fully 'get' all of it but know that when I was in a bad place in my life I attracted and was attracted to a person who did not care for me and treated me very badly.

Fortunately for me it was a short term thing and many years ago, but looking back I do feel I learned from it - at the time I felt the bad treatment from this person 'fitted' me, it was all I deserved. Playing out wounds? Quite possibly, although I never thought of it that way at the time.

Having said that I met my current long term partner very shortly after, my self-esteem although improved was still not great (still isn't), but he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Perhaps I was lucky.

[divine1966]

My t says that's the first step in healing is to be aware what type of people you are attract and why and be able to recognize it early on and be able to avoid perpetual yet so familiar pain. She doesn't suggest to repeatedly get into wrong relationships as it is not beneficial at all. She also says it is wise to take a long time between relationships to explore yourself rather than continuously repeat the unhealthy pattern. I trust my t and her expertise.

And we attract wrong people not so we can grow but because it is familiar (usually because that is how we were raised). Also we often attract people who are just like us. It is subconscious. I attract unavailable commitment phobics not only because they are just like my family of origin but also because I am afraid of commitment myself.

My t says there is no benefit in continuous emotional pain as it could be addictive

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I don't think I like repeating the same pattern. I don't know that she's necessarily advocating it like, "Go out and date 10 people who are absolutely wrong for you so you can grow," I think it's that yeah, that happens, use it as a learning experience.

Hey, I thought it was a positive article, it helped me think of something differently and I thought I'd share. Sorry. I guess I was wrong. What else is new. My bad.

Originally Posted by misskeena

I don't think I like repeating the same pattern. I don't know that she's necessarily advocating it like, "Go out and date 10 people who are absolutely wrong for you so you can grow," I think it's that yeah, that happens, use it as a learning experience.

Hey, I thought it was a positive article, it helped me think of something differently and I thought I'd share. Sorry. I guess I was wrong. What else is new. My bad.

It's good it helped you, perhaps some people interpreted it differently or whatever. I definitely feel like I have grown from mistakes I made, I 'get' that too. Thanks for sharing.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I don't think I like repeating the same pattern. I don't know that she's necessarily advocating it like, "Go out and date 10 people who are absolutely wrong for you so you can grow," I think it's that yeah, that happens, use it as a learning experience.

Hey, I thought it was a positive article, it helped me think of something differently and I thought I'd share. Sorry. I guess I was wrong. What else is new. My bad.

You aren't wrong at all and thank you for sharing. I agree we most certainly grow and learn from our mistakes (or we don't lol). I am just concerned somebody might assume it is s good excuse to be in bad relationships. We are all different though and we all benefit from different things. There is no right or wrong, whatever works for the person. I recall there was a thread where someone advocated for herself "needing to be abused". No one needs to be abused or be in bad relationships. I wouldn't wish it on my child so I don't wish that on anyone. But sure we all learn and grow one way or the other

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