People In My Life

I'm starting to see how the people in my life have a negative impact on my mental health. I barely speak to anyone in my family but have maintained contact with a few. I've always thought of my friends as my family. Now I'm starting to see how some of them are exactly the same as my relatives.

My birthday is Tuesday and I've been depressed leading up to it. Not because I'm getting older but I really have no one to celebrate with. My cousin sent me a text last night saying she wanted to take me to brunch for my birthday this morning! Of course I drank the koolaid... I texted back "Yes! That's so nice of you! I'd love to go! What's the plan". It's the next afternoon and I've yet to hear back from her. Silly Me...

BUT I did get a 9am text from my very good friend! The office where we met is having a reunion bbq this summer and I sent her the information. She responded "No. I do not know anyone attending this event." I sent her a text saying "Gee, I thought you knew me." While we have both been away from the company for years we still know people who worked with us so this confused me. She said she didn't need to go to a bbq with strangers to see me. YET this is the same person who a few months ago invited herself to go with me to my friends wedding a person she has never met? She actually got annoyed when I told her it wasn't fair to my friend to pay for a person she didn't know to attend the reception.

I'm sitting here thinking....WTF? Why... HOW could I NOT have problems when these are the kinds of people I have in my life? My so called "good friend" I see maybe once a year. My other good friend has told me repeatedly she prefers to text or email. Many times she does not pick up the phone and is slow to return calls. For a long time I thought I was being to needy. Wanting or Needing to be in contact with so called friends is a need but there is nothing wrong with that or with me for needing a friend.

This birthday needs to be a changing point for me and the people I've considered important in my life. I need a change.

eta: People telling me to get over it, get out more, get involved! Yet when I try they have no time for me. Soooo I need to do all these thing just don't bother them while I get it done!

Nina, I am so sorry you are feeling down about your birthday and being alone. Sometimes people just don't follow through or hold grudges.

The biggest change we can make is a change of attitude. Maybe a gratitude list will be in order to chart what there is to be thankful for. A friend of mine spent their birthday volunteering their time at a food pantry and they really felt appreciated.

I am wishing you a wonderful birthday in advance. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hey Nina, it almost sounds like that friend would rather do 1-on-1 with you. Are they uncomfortable around people/do you think he/she doesn't like that particular group? That being said people get more busy more quickly as they get older. Very hard to make plans so I wouldn't take it personally. It's mostly just close fam for me now sometimes friends but I have to remind then months ahead and keep on them every week Happy B-day in advance!

That's awful. I can't understand someone going to the bother of conveying that invitation to you, with no intention of following through. It's possible something might have come up, though that doesn't excuse your cousin. Try calling her and asking if she would still like to get together. Don't text, but call . . . so you hear her voice. If she sounds like she wants to wiggle out of her offer, then you'll have confirmation that she was insincere when she made it. On the other hand a lot of people say things they really mean, but don't have a plan to follow. Your cousin may need help in deciding the when and the where. I'ld give her another chance.

As far as your friend not wanting to go to the office reunion: I can see anyone not really wanting to go back to a place where they no longer work. It can feel kind of strange.

It does sound like you need to recruit some better friends. You need friends to have any kind of a normal life. Someone you see once a year isn't a "good" friend, unless there is some big geographical distance between you.

Happy birthday!

I agree that it sounds like a change is in order. I hope you find some new friends who treat you better than these ones!