[UCLAFan]

In 1996 i was in a abusive relationship. Left the abuser on November 1st 1996. Was stalked by the guy for 2 years after i left him. Finally after 2 years the guy was arrested. Ever since this experince i have a fear of being in a relationship. I got help for a few months after i left the abuse. But i did not like the counselor that i had. So i stopped counseling.I get lonely but i'm not sure who to trust or who not to trust etc. I just went today to get help again with depression. I have fear of being abused again,rejetion,being alone forever etc.MY dad growing up was abusive to. My mom was at times verbally abusive. she still makes verbal abusive type comments to me.Last time i went to counseling i was told i should cut ties with most of my family. I have kind of cut ties with them. Only see them on Holidays. My mom lives in Texas and i'm in IL. But she still verbally abuses me over the phone.Have not seen her in like 3 years. I want to break the cycle of abuse. I want to be in a normal relationship.I'm lonely and feel unwanted and ugly. But also scared to get close to people in general. I have depression, Epilepsy and Chrons. I feel like crud half the time. I feel like with all my health issues nobody will ever be there for me.My social worker Trudy has been there for me. But my family and others don't seem to care.If i tell most folks how i feel and i don't tell them often.They tell me i'm to sensitive etc.I have turned into a bit of a loner the last few years. I go out to baseball games and concerts mostly alone.Been made fun of by some because i go places aloneBeing made fun of by strangers really hurts..But so many folks flake out on me or just annoy me etc.So at times i'd rather go places alone. But then when i'm alone in public some times i get lonely and am jealous of others who have a lot of friends. I do better with just hanging out with one person at a time.

[seeker1950]

UCLAfan...I too am alone, and choose to be, because of tthe abusive, dysfuctional relaitonships from the past, been stalked, etc.. I seclude myself most of the time. I work as a teacher, do my job, and then come home to my pets and my studies as a grad student in Art.
I am finding fulfillment alone for the first time in my life, focusing on self-improvement and finally not looking for or wanting a man in my life.
Yes, sometimes I do feel lonely, but not so much so that i will put myself in emotional jeopardy by seeking out a precarious relationship. If someone of value should enter my life, I am still open to it, but for the meantime, I'm taking care of myself, probably for the first time in my life.
If you have options for study in some area, I suggest you do so. It's very fulfilling and increases self-esteem and independence!
Patty

[UCLAFan]

I to at times enjoy being alone. But late at night when i have trouble sleeping i get lonely.

[FatBtmGrl]

Hey, Have you tried doing something to help others? Like volunteer work? Sometimes it is easier to deal with other people's problems than your own. Also, animals are great company and they will never be mean to you and they always love you. Well at least that is true of dogs. I have met many friends and acquaintances by walking my dog. Hang in there!!

[UCLAFan]

I at times i do volunteer work.For the Epilepsy association near me. But i will only help the clients or one of their social workers. Because some of the others there have nasty attitudes.