[boogiesmash]

Hello all. I was just wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on online dating. Such as what to say, how to keep conversation going etc. appreciate any help anyone can provide or share experiences.

[divine1966]

When it clicks then conversation flows naturally. If there is no connection conversation just wouldn't flow and no tips would help. My opinion

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ptangptang]

Don't expect too much, develop a thick skin, treat everything anyone says in their profile with a pinch of salt, never trust photos, don't waste too much money on them. Pof is a bit low rent IMO, OK cupid and oasis are free and not bad. As for messaging don't bother spending ages constructing erudite, witty, interesting missives as 99 times out of a hundred women won't respond anyway. Oasis is good cos you can chat in real time. Give it a go you might strike lucky. Never tried the paid ones. Not sure they are worth it.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ptangptang

Don't expect too much, develop a thick skin, treat everything anyone says in their profile with a pinch of salt, never trust photos, don't waste too much money on them. Pof is a bit low rent IMO, OK cupid and oasis are free and not bad. As for messaging don't bother spending ages constructing erudite, witty, interesting missives as 99 times out of a hundred women won't respond anyway. Oasis is good cos you can chat in real time. Give it a go you might strike lucky. Never tried the paid ones. Not sure they are worth it.

Match is ok but lots of scammers

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BubonicPlague]

Don't mention anything about pornography or sex if you want to have a serious relationship.

Last time I said that my hobby was (yes I was stupid enough to mention this) looking at pornography, I got a lot of guys just wanting a one night stand with me (not appropriate for my age, I will tell you).

[A Red Panda]

Don't write messages that just blend into the crowd. "Hey, want to chat?" won't get anywhere because there would be so many of those. So while you don't need to spend ages writing a message, try to make it personal - include a bit of yourself and include something that shows you actually read the other person's profile.

[kelly8896]

Be yourself, list a few hobbies or interests but keep in somewhat general to give the person an idea of who you are, but leaving enough to talk about when you message or meet. (like, I have 3 kids, 2 dogs – questions they may ask, what age are the kids, what kind of dogs?) Everyone has their own tastes, I like funny, so say something to make the other realize you have a sense of humor. I don’t put much thought into pictures, but people do look for that physical attraction so a full body shot is recommended. Those truly interested in getting to know you, will not make a decision on the picture but what you say in your profile. I ended my profile with 3 questions as conversation starters if I guy found me interesting. 1. What are 3 important tools to achieving a great relationship?, 2. Name 3 items on your bucket list?, 3. What is my favorite color? (I capitalized letters in my profile to spell out my favorite color, they’d have to read it to figure it out).

It’s a little work finding the right person. Match was ok, but not worth paying for. I talked with 2 dozen guys on POF (Plenty of Fish) before I met someone I was interested in and we’ve been dating 5 mths now. So it is possible, you just have to be patient.

Good Luck!

[mountain human]

I met my SO on Match, so it is possible despite the negative stories. I was only on it for a short while though. Remember, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince or princess.

[Yogurtz]

My significant other and I first connected on Tumblr of all places! . As the saying goes, "Tumblr makes me love people I've never met, Facebook makes me hate people I've known all my life." LOL.

I happen to be a moderator on OKCupid (not as awesome as it sounds, believe me), and in being a moderator, I am more confused than ever as to what to write in a message to a woman

I used to send messages to women introducing myself, commenting on what they wrote about themselves (indicating I actually read their profiles), etc., trying to start conversation, but was universally ignored or later rejected because of my unusual interests (there is literally nothing about me I can write about that is 'normal' or socially acceptable).

On more than one occasion though a user sent a misogynistic, provocative, and dehumanizing message to a woman that was reported to us moderators, but women in my experience responded to those messages, even if negatively although not always negatively

Online dating is like fishing – all you can do is throw a line in a pond and hope for the best. You never know what you can catch! .

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

My significant other and I first connected on Tumblr of all places! . As the saying goes, "Tumblr makes me love people I've never met, Facebook makes me hate people I've known all my life." LOL.

I happen to be a moderator on OKCupid (not as awesome as it sounds, believe me), and in being a moderator, I am more confused than ever as to what to write in a message to a woman

I used to send messages to women introducing myself, commenting on what they wrote about themselves (indicating I actually read their profiles), etc., trying to start conversation, but was universally ignored or later rejected because of my unusual interests (there is literally nothing about me I can write about that is 'normal' or socially acceptable).

On more than one occasion though a user sent a misogynistic, provocative, and dehumanizing message to a woman that was reported to us moderators, but women in my experience responded to those messages, even if negatively although not always negatively

Online dating is like fishing – all you can do is throw a line in a pond and hope for the best. You never know what you can catch! .

Love the tumbler Facebook comparison. Never heard it before. Made me smile. 'Literally' nothing ?. tell us more haha. Interesting to get your perspective on OK cupid. Sometimes you have to think 'out of the box' to get noticed. Normal, nice guys just get ignored.
Yep, a bit like fishing. Or the lottery.' You gotta be in it to win it' as the saying goes.
'You never know what you might catch'.. And that opens up a whole new can of worms, haha.

[Koko2]

When I joined up, I answered a ton of questions that kept appearing on my screen. I found out within a week that most people don't answer more than a dozen of these questions, and many of the questions are quite personal. Even worse, being about the only one answering them creates a special "personality" screen in the user profile which shows a person's supposed deviations from the norm in stark detail. But it's not accurate since the norm is not answering more than a few questions, so it unfairly makes me look way less of this and way more of that. Since the website is designed by college geeks who pride themselves in data retention, going back and removing my answers doesn't change my personality profile back to normal, and only served to remove my "more honest" meter according to some algorithm. It will be there on that website forever. The final insult was a "less mannered" bar showing up on my profile after I used their online complaint form to address my concerns, and they never sent a reply message. Who's going to want to date someone with a writeup like that? Thankfully, it was free of charge.

[ptangptang]

Yeah I answered a ton of questions too, supposedly to match you better with people and thought the bar chart thingy was a bit severe. I, too, was way 'less mannered' than the norm. Assuming it means less well mannered I'm not sure where it got that from. I think my manners are above the norm and, short of throwing my coat over a puddle before a lady steps in it, I'm not sure how they could be better. Perhaps I should be a bit tougher. Women seem to prefer a 'bit of ruff'

[ptangptang]

OK, just checked my personality bar chart on OK cupid and out of 19 characteristics compared to the norm I agree with 8, disagree with 5, give a maybe to 3 and a hmm to less kinky, less pure wtf?, er less wealthy. Considering I'm probably a $ millionaire they have either got that seriously wrong or a hell of a lot of people are good at disguising how wealthy they are. Biggest bar was 'less worse mannered' which I assume means more good mannered. So I agree with that. So, convert the hmm's to no's and it's pretty even. less pure ha ha yeah right.

[Crazy Hitch]

Best wishes Boogiesmash

I found some articles for you here at Psych Central

Surprising Tips for Online Dating Success | Psych Central News

Online Dating? 6 Reasons To Make The First Move [EXPERT] | World of Psychology

Psych Central - Tips for Safe Online Dating
Online Dating: Increasing Your Chances for Love | Psych Central

[boogiesmash]

I'm on okcupid. And yes I feel like im ignored.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

My significant other and I first connected on Tumblr of all places! . As the saying goes, "Tumblr makes me love people I've never met, Facebook makes me hate people I've known all my life." LOL.

I happen to be a moderator on OKCupid (not as awesome as it sounds, believe me), and in being a moderator, I am more confused than ever as to what to write in a message to a woman

I used to send messages to women introducing myself, commenting on what they wrote about themselves (indicating I actually read their profiles), etc., trying to start conversation, but was universally ignored or later rejected because of my unusual interests (there is literally nothing about me I can write about that is 'normal' or socially acceptable).

On more than one occasion though a user sent a misogynistic, provocative, and dehumanizing message to a woman that was reported to us moderators, but women in my experience responded to those messages, even if negatively although not always negatively

Online dating is like fishing – all you can do is throw a line in a pond and hope for the best. You never know what you can catch! .

Women actually responded to it?!? Weird anything you can share? Are you still a moderator?

[Yogurtz]

Love the tumbler Facebook comparison. Never heard it before. Made me smile.

I suppose the Tumblr vs. Facebook comparison isn't too common off of Tumblr, but for committed Tumblr users, it is a cold hard fact!

'Literally' nothing ?. tell us more haha.

Afraid I can’t do that. The last time I expressed my interests more freely on PsychCentral I deleted my account following extremely hateful and/or nasty remarks made about me by irrationally paranoid and shockingly ignorant individuals both on the forums and in private messages. The fact is most people don’t understand me, which I accept, but the problem arises in that most people don’t realize how little they understand, and instead of educating themselves choose to remain within their self-imposed mental constraints of preconceived opinions. But that is for another day…

Women actually responded to it?!? Weird anything you can share? Are you still a moderator?

Yes I am still a moderator, and as a moderator I have the ability to read conversations that are reported for moderation.

In my experience in moderating OKCupid everything that is wrong with society, especially vis-à-vis relationships, is best exemplified online.

A.) I found it extremely common for women to respond to some of the nastiest messages, not necessarily positively but at least to acknowledge them, or to ‘fight back’ in the conversation. The content of their messages notwithstanding, I found it shocking that women would acknowledge those messages when I was almost universally ignored by women despite making an effort to truly connect with them.

The reasons I concluded for this are a.) many users on free dating websites are immature, and many women, despite taking the time to register, are frequently on dating websites not because they are looking for someone but because a friend of theirs registered on it or another service; b.) that women, for some bizarre, irrational, and frustrating reason, interpret ‘nice’ messages as indicative of a man being disingenuous; or finally c.) that many women do like a ‘bad’ guys, which I find unlikely but I am not a woman therefore I can’t completely rule it out as a possibility. (A fourth reason I will get to below.)

B.) I would recommend to any OKCupid user to refrain from answering those match questions. The matches are themselves useless – a woman that I was matched with stole like a $100 from me in real life – and I suspect that if you answer too many questions, it will give the wrong impression of who you are or tell too much to an otherwise interested user. Even I have been disturbed at some of the answers women have given to those questions, and if I am not mistaken, revealing too much on a dating service takes away the ‘mystery’ that women like in dates.

The last bit of advice I can offer to anyone using a dating service like OKCupid is to not feel discouraged if you don’t see any positive results!

If trying to learn all the unwritten and arbitrary ‘rules’ of dating makes you want to bash your head in against a wall repeatedly (it does for me!), then remember that online dating is, as Ptang eloquently said, a “whole new can of worms.”

For example, if you have seen enough profiles like I have, you will discover that users on dating services are the happiest people in the Western hemisphere! Seriously, I don’t think you will ever find so many “fun loving” people that are “living life to its fullest” anywhere else . I swear that many users copy and paste these and other slogans onto their profiles because each about me section reads identical to the next. I was so sick of reading the same nonsense on profiles that when I found a user that wrote about her struggles with depression, I made an effort to compliment her for writing that because it was so unusual to find a real world human with real world human issues. People don’t understand that when they are writing exaggerations and half-truths (if any truths) on their profiles that it makes it extremely difficult for someone else to relate to them.

Now I am ranting…so anyway…

What I am trying to say is that I don’t discourage anyone from using online dating services, but to keep in mind that everything frustrating and irrational about dating is exposed much more clearly online, and to keep that in mind if you aren’t getting any of the positive results you are hoping for! Take everything with a hint of salt as the archaic saying goes I think…

When I met my significant other I was so done with dating, relationships, women, and people in general after so many years of heartbreak and rejection that I said, " If I am destined to be alone forever, than so be it!" Out of nowhere came someone I hope will be my wife one day!

Don't give up!

[ptangptang]

Thanks yorgutz for that. Very interesting. I too am amazed at all these fun loving, busy, independent women who love their lives, their family (and probably themselves). I doubt they would have time for a partner. I love it when women say 'no time wasters' and 'I don't suffer fools gladly' l think I'll put on my profile 'I love wasting time' and 'I gladly suffer fool's ' haha. I think coming across as nice is taken as being weak. Like you say online dating is much like society. You only get noticed if you are provocative or somehow different. Just being solvent,nice,friendly and funny ain't good enough.

[boogiesmash]

Thank you all for your responses. I have another question one that was somewhat answered. What do you say. I know some have said comment something on their profiles but how and what do you say. Maybe it's writers block.

[Koko2]

I signed in to my account and removed about half the questions, the ones I didn't really have an opinion about or thought were bogus or personal questions, and my bars are not so terrible. I don't think they're accurate though, from a statistical point of view, since everyone would have to answer the same questions for any accuracy.

[ochoa.c]

The best I can say is what everyone else has said. OkCupid is a no-go zone. Many reasons.

Also, if you are trying your luck online by meeting someone in a chatroom or via a forum or something else and it develops from there be genuine. Also, it will be difficult because of the distance, and is not for everyone because of how easily it is to dismiss your partner and cheat on them or not talk to them for weeks at a time.

[kelly8896]

Questions to ask or things to talk about – this is a hard one sometimes. I think you need to ask yourself if you are looking for a long term relationship or just dating casually and find out what they are wanting (their profile may state serious or they may have answered it as casually in order to get more interest). That may help you in figuring out what to ask or talk about.

This may sound stupid and not from the heart, but you have to start somewhere. I had no idea myself what to ask or talk about initially, so I looked up on-line, questions to ask. They have hundreds of ideas, from funny to serious, from intimate questions to questions on past and future.

Think about what you need, some men want to meet women right a way to see if there is chemistry, others are ok in talking or texting for the first week or two. Look for similarities in your profiles. The guy I’m dating now, we both had commented on something similar and we both thought it was pretty funny. I stated in my profile I wouldn’t meet until I felt comfortable they weren’t an axe murderer, he stated in his profile he was not a serial killer.

Hope this helps. Good Luck.

[boogiesmash]

I think I'm not meant to find anyone. I feel so hopeless and defeated .

[Cris80pitt]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Hello all. I was just wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on online dating. Such as what to say, how to keep conversation going etc. appreciate any help anyone can provide or share experiences.

Every person has a different experience. I can say I tried online dating and I am very satisfied but I was lucky to find a good site which can guide you and give you all the answers you need. It is Reviews Of Dating Services In The UK and thanks to this site I met some interesting women. And if you ask yourself how to talk to them, it is simple. Just be open and say what you are looking for and what you need. As said above, on the site I gave you, you will find many answers.

[rukspc]

I want to try online dating. I've been reading a lot about it and wondered if it's worth it. I still have some hesitation because it just seems weird. But I haven't had a serious relationship in over a year (I think I'm closer to getting over my ex) and also think I'm ready to just date someone again.