unsolved grief/trauma

I think you need to reframe how you are looking at that past experience. God protected you from that bad marriage by having your xhusband choose to not come over when you couldn't get him there.

You were just as responsible for that bad marriage as your xhusband was. You weren't wise & you jumped into that marriage:
Personally I would be so THANKFUL that it didn't turn out....you never would have had the opportunity to grow & to become NOT naive. Most of the time we only grow after we have been hurt because otherwise there is no need...& you definitely needed to grow & to become wise & to learn how to stand up for what you believe & not allow others to manipulate you. If you had never gone through this you never would have learned & these are important things for EVERYONE to know.

It's important to grow so I would be very thankful for that opportunity & I wouldn't be so angry at your xhusband for not being what you wanted in a husband because then you would have stayed that naive, able to be manipulated person that you were.....& that's not what God wants either.

You chose a religion not even truly knowing what it was all about just so you could have a husband.....that is definitely NOT what God wants from us either. You are growing into a strong independent person who knows what you believe & why.....so that you won't get manipulated in the future....be thankful for the experience & that you didn't end up in a worse situation. It's a lot easier to end a marriage that really wasn't that long in the first place & that you know from his side was only for a green card & not for you......& in reality.....you can't honestly LOVE someone that you don't even really know....so what you thought was love really was nothing but your infatuation playing tricks on you & that marriage not working out....was only your wishful thinking that didn't work.

God saved you by not letting the green card marriage take place & gave you the chance that you needed to grow & to know yourself better an opportunity you wouldn't have had if that marriage would have worked out......you were protected from that happening & it was a good thing that it didn't. Yes, there are creeps all over this world...but now you are learning the red flags to look for & learn that you can't marry someone you don't know & you can't just jump into a religion because they are not all the same........learning & becoming wise is what God wants from us so that we won't be fooled & sometimes he even protects us from ourselves.

You can remember what your xhusband did but only from a learning point of view.......would you really want to be where you would have been if the marriage would have worked out?.....or where you protected from what would have been a really horrible marriage. Actually I don't think your xhusband felt that he was treating you cruel because his goal in the marriage wasn't the same as yours. His goal was to use you to get where he wanted to be & so he was trying to arrange a marriage that would do that for him......so you were just another arranged marriage. You read into that marriage what you goals were while it doesn't sound like he really ever made it known that the marriage was anything more than for getting his green card from you...you were just hoping that it was more.

God protected you by not allowing it to work out....there are much better plans for your life.....remember, patience is one of the important things that we need because God will provide when he knows the time is right & sometimes we have to go through these difficult situations to learn the things that we need to learn.....you are growing & learning & allowing God to lead your life......the rest will come & you life will be blessed....prayers for your understanding & healing & growth in God

Hi eskielover, I see I have made an error when writing, it was the man I met after my xhusband that said I needed to convert. This man who said I needed to convert was my last boyfriend ( who used me for sex )

I was a christian when I married my xhusband and he accepted my religion, he never mentioned that I didnt belong to his religion. I guess he didnt care that either because all he wanted was that green card. I also know that narcissists use people for whatever they want without feeling guilt or remorse. It took my xhusband 4 years to say he hope God may forgive him for what he did, and he say it after he suggest to marry again. I think that tells of manipulation again. He never admitted to any wrong doing before now.

I was naive and believed there could be love even quick marriage. At least my feelings for him where true. I cried over him for weeks and suffered for months after he trashed me. So even I know today it was not "healthy" love there was unhealthy love from my side.

I have become wiser and much more grown. Its easy to be naive when you dont know any better what is normal or not. I dont think one can be responsible until you know something isnt normal or right. If I knew what I know today I would certainly call myself responsible if I married someone they same way today. Manipulators are good at what they do and they can fool anyone.

I totally agree with you. God puts us through trials and pain to make us grow. Its right, if it wasnt for this horrible pain my xhusband gave me and also pain my last boyfriend gave me I would not have grown at all.

God protected me from being used fully, to not let my xhusband getting the green card. Its quite incredible how the protection did happen first time. We applied but I didnt know I had wrong income. Because of this and finding out to late not knowing would I ever get that other right income needed to sponsor him, he chose to get annoyed and vanish in narcisstic rage or anger.

After my last boyfriend I started read the Bible and I started know God and Jesus for real

Hugs

Thank you for more of the details for understanding what happened.

I am so glad that you have come through all that & are now ready to put it in the past as a learning experience that God gave you to grow & to become wise & to strengthen you & also it inspired you to start reading the Bible & getting to know God for REAL.... What an awesome God we have

I have gone through trauma's especially one major one just 10 years ago it was with an abuse that a I caught the home care person doing to my Mother & put both her & me in physical danger. My Faith wasn't strong at that point & I was still living with my H until after my mother died of cancer....that was when God opened the door for me to leave the bad marriage & brought me to a new farm I bought 2100 miles away & now I have the most wonderful Christian friends that are my family...better family than I ever had all my life....amazing how God takes care of us & guides us to where He knows we NEED to be.

Your life will now start to take the positive direction that comes with wisdom, knowledge & following God's guidance

Thank you, eskielover I am glad I got to righten my error.

I am sorry about what happened to you and your mother and that you both were put in danger. And I am sorry you lost you mother to cancer. Its wonderful you found your way out of the bad marriage and got new chrsitian good friends.

God works wonder when we seek him. He wants the best for us and are just longing for us to turn to Him