Am I being unreasonable with my father?

About 5 years ago, I made a deal with my dad that I would try out 10 episodes of his favorite TV show because he really wanted me to try it. Then he said if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to watch it anymore. I didn't like it-- sci-fi isn't my genre. Anyway, my dad has asked a few times every year since then if I'll try the show again, and I always say no and remind him I don't like it. He says I didn't give it a fair shot, and basically says anyone would like it. It involves some gory things like worms coming out of someone's stomach, and I hate watching any violence or gory things. He tries to argue with me about why I'll like it, but I've always hated sci-fi. I've offered to watch a show that we both like together. My dad has said multiple times "there's no way you're my daughter" or "you can't be my daughter" since I hate sci-fi. I'm adamant against watching this show because I think he's not respecting my answer and always wanted his kids to be interested in what he is interested in. He has tried to manipulate me by saying he would do what his father asked, and that if i'm so inflexible on this I'm bound to have problems in future relationships. He has said he doesn't ask much of me. He has even asked if I would on his birthday, which is in 6 months. I said no-- I am setting limits because I think my dad needs to respect that I will not like the show. My dad has guilt-tripped me my whole life and has always been controlling. Maybe my resistance is partially coming from a huge history. But do you think I'm being unreasonable and ungrateful about this?

You are not being unreasonable at all. the unreasonable one is your father, in my opinion. You are setting a boundary that he is not respecting.

Are you being unreasonable with your father? Nope. If you kept your commitment and watched the 10 episodes you agreed and don't like the show, be true to yourself. It is great that you know what you do and don't like and respect yourself enough to say 'NO' when you mean it ... and your father should be grateful to have a daughter that smart and strong in herself.

Dads can be a bit of a tease - are you sure he is not just pulling your leg, so to speak?

Perhaps he is know for his sense of humour?

How well do you get along with him generally?

Thanks everyone- I was hoping that I was being assertive and strong. It is tough for me to know because I'm an extreme people-pleaser and was always afraid of my dad. But I'm trying hard to respect myself lately.

ManofConstantSorrow: I understand that it might seem like a joke, but my dad is so angry after I told him no again today that he is not speaking to me. And I heard him ranting about it to my mom awhile ago. :/

Bill3: I am always polite to my dad, but also always have my guard up and don't tell him much of anything about my life, so as to open it for criticism. Yet we basically never fight because I show respect for my parents, and I'm afraid of him. My dad perceives our relationship to be a little better than it is.

Why do you suppose he makes such a big deal about his kids being interested in what he is interested in?

Bill3: That's a good question. It's tough to know for sure, but I know that he was made fun of as a child for liking comic books. He probably wants his kids to like the same things because it would sort of validate who he is. And he is also probably looking for a connection and someone to understand him. Maybe he feels like me rejecting the show is like me rejecting a part of him since he loves it so much. Maybe he thinks I couldn't possibly appreciate him if I can't find something to like about his interests.

Maybe you could find a compromise show? Like My Favorite Martian is an old timey sci fi, no grossness!

ManofConstantSorrow: I understand that it might seem like a joke, but my dad is so angry after I told him no again today that he is not speaking to me. And I heard him ranting about it to my mom awhile ago. :/

No tease this then. His behaviour seems most unreasonable. It seems to me that parents should provide a protective environment where their children can develop safely into independent people. It is just tough if their interests and tastes differ from yours and trying to force children to share your tastes/interests in unfeeling. I have noticed that children often loath and despise everything their parents like and stand for, and now I think I can see why.

That is a very probable explanation of why your father is who he is today. I like hankster's idea of finding a compromise show to watch. It is important to be compassionate and accepting but at the end of the day, being true to ourselves serves everyone best.

Thanks everyone, I think I do need to be true to myself. Maybe next time I could do a little better by not getting defensive. I didn't yell at him or anything, but I could still do better by staying calm. Anyway, maybe he's done asking now. Thanks for the suggestion to find a different show-- I have actually said this to him multiple times, but he ignores the suggestion.

The part that bothers me the most is the idea that he's this hung on you being interested in something as trivial as a tv show. He sounds very much like my father that forced his children to be interested in and join him in every little interest he had, from music to photography to heck, he MADE my brother and I join the martial arts he was interested in at the time! I hated it.

Thing is he's telling you taht you'll have issues in future relationships but honestly, the truth is, as you are, able to stand up to someone making you do something, that's called independence and something every relationship can use a lot more of. There is far too much molding and codependence in so many relationships today... You're doing the right thing standing up to him and saying no. Don't let his bs get to you.

He has an issue with self. Clearly without the validation of someone else enjoying the same things as him, he feels he is missing something. that, IMO is far more telling about the flaw in his personality or character than it does about you being able to make your own decisions on what you like Hang in there and stand strong.

Okay, now he has said to me that on Father's Day he wants nothing but for me to watch Stargate. If I don't, he will not accept any gifts from me. He says it's my choice what to do- "you can refuse if you can live with your conscience." This puts me in a very tough position. I tried to explain my point of view, but he won't listen. He says one episode is not a big deal, and that he did things for his father all the time that he didn't want to do. He asked if I would leave my mother to starve if he was dead and she lost her memory, which is such an unfair comparison. I really don't know what to do. Do you think I should just give in? If I do, this all goes away. But it will be telling him that it's okay to treat me this way. If I don't, I can imagine him holding a grudge forever and he gets to look like the victim since it's Father's Day. He's an incredible arguer, and can make me question very easily whether I'm brave and independent or a selfish jack***.

If I were you, this would be the moment I swear to not give in.

This is where I suit up for battle.


Because this is what is going on, a battle of wills, and he's trying every tactic he knows, even resorts to low blows, just to break yours.


Because now he's making this whole stupid stargate show personal, and bringing father's day into it!! Who does that? How old is he? 5???


From now until father's day, do not talk about his scifi shyt, let him ramble, and you can nod, change the subject or leave the room. I repeat, do not quarrel over this trivial thing that HE is blowing out of proportion.


That way he has no, or less of a build up for blaming you for ruining fathers day for him.


Buy him a gift, wish him a happy father's day and tell him he can choose to have a miserable day by moping about a stupid show or he can choose to behave like a mature adult by enjoying the day and accepting your gift.


You are brave, I assure you, but sometimes we can be silent and brave. So quit engaging him in his tantrum for now, all he's trying to do is wear you down. Don't let him

I do think you are being unnreasonable and possibly ungrateful from this post.

I dont think it is too much of your dad to ask you to watch a show with him on occasion. Especially on his birthday or fathers day! Thats just plain mean not spending 40 odd minutes watching a show with him for him on a special day!! Is it *that* torturous for you to do something so simpleto make your father happy??

I hate rugby but I still make an effort to watch with my father because it is something he enjoys and he has supported me in all I have enjoyed in my life. He gets really excited when I watch sports with him. I make an effort to go to sports games with him when I have no clue what is going on - but it is quality time together - for a man that has supported me and loved me my whole life to the best of his ability. He's not perfect by any means but he's my dad.

Hell, I watched the Bold and the beautiful with my mother and Home and Away with my stepmother because they were shows they enjoyed. They enjoyed my company even if I didnt enjoy the show.

Sci fi fans are a special breed. Our shows mean A LOT to us. Sometimes there are messages in episodes that we try to share with other people. He could be trying to convey something to you in the way it was conveyed to him.

I would be absolutely devastated if I chose to have children and they would not even acknowledge how important a story is to me when they are at the age to understand it.

I've watched a variety of stargate series and there is very little gore in it??? And also depending on the series they have very different storylines.

I'm not sure if you read through the whole post or if you just ignored the fact that she already said that she indulged him and he said just give it a chance, which she did. The thing here is that she's not being selfish, she's being assertive and he is, quite honestly clearly being the unreasonable one. After she watched the episode or amount of time he asked her to, that was not enough. he still believes she hasn't given it enough of a chance. This is controlling behavior, not just someone wanting to share something with you once in awhile but someone trying to force someone to "enjoy" something they happen to like. He is throwing a tantrum about it because she won't bend to his ways. I'm not sure how you can see this as her being selfish.

In truth your thoughts on this are not entirely without merit. I mean if it were a case where someone were asking someone nicely to once in a great while just share in a show with them to spend time together then yes to arbitrarily say no without that consideration might be a little insensitive and selfish but in this particular case I do not believe at all that this is what is happening.

As I stated previously I had a father that was very similar in behavior and we children were forced into 'enjoying' many of his passing interests and it was nothing about being with his kids but more about "molding" them into people that were just like him. Unless you've been in that type of situation, it might be hard to grasp but those types of personalities truly do exist and giving into their every whim is nothing less than enabling them and encouraging them to continue to push others around.

The "sci fi" folk being a special breed are no different than the anime otaku folk, the horror/gothic people or other very passionate fans about anything. I do not feel that there should be any special consideration becuase it has to do with sci fi or any other particular genre.

Don't engage in this nonsense. Yes you can walk out of the room if he starts, Buy him a gift/card whatever he can either enjoy the day or be a idiot. Stand your ground. Good for you.

You will have good relationships because you already know how to go about keeping yourself mentally healthy! Boundaries are hard to learn.. You have a leg up !