[divine1966]

I know there are no rules but in general how long does it take for people up be in love and/or know they are compatible for long term?

I have been in different situations and know there are no rules but i am also often in denial.

I have been dating someone since February but he was gone one month overseas with limited communication so it's really been only 2 months. We are busy with confusing schedules so our time together is limited. I still feel that by now we would know?

Mind you we have fun and chemistry and he is nice but something tells me it should be here by now. by IT I mean emotional intimacy and love

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[avlady]

sometimes it takes awhile to know each other well enough to be more than friends. you have to get to a point where you are very very content.

[Trippin2.0]

I've never fallen in love quickly, its only ever happened long after I've really gotten to know and love them as a person first, and if I must admit how thick I can be, it usually needs to be pointed out to me that I'm in love.


My current bf, we were best friends during HS, and he had to point out to me that what we were feeling was more than platonic love.


Anyway, I didn't know then we were compatible long term, we were just kids and didn't end up dating anyway.


We lost touch for years after graduation because he went to sail around the world.


I knew we were long term material 7 years later when we met up and all those feelings were still there for both of us.


It was unexpected, overwhelming and confusing, yet beautiful all at once.


We've had our ups and downs like any couple, and even separations, but I know this is IT, because nothing has managed to change what IS, not time, space, people, things or circumstance.


So long answer short, 2 months would never be enough time in my book. I need to fall in love with someone's soul before I can fall in love with them. And it takes quite some time to know someone on such a purely intimate level.

[divine1966]

Thanks for your responses. I honestly have concerns of him not falling deeper for me, I know how to love. I worry he is unavailable and here I am possibly falling. Oh we aren't platonic lol I wonder about emotional closeness

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[Trippin2.0]

Well, given the circumstances, I personally wouldn't be too worried.


You two aren't spending alot of time together so things will naturally progress slower than what you're used to.


What's that saying?

"slow and steady wins the race"


What's the rush? Savor the here and now, enjoy each other. Instead of worrying about what right now, are really only imaginary issues.


Very few people know they've found IT within 2 months, very few people develop a deep emotional connection with each other in 2 months. And I would bet my paycheck that those very few people, spend every waking moment together during those 2 months.


The rest of us either don't have that luxury, or we don't need or want that kind of attention, so for those of us, slow and steady wins the race.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Well, given the circumstances, I personally wouldn't be too worried.


You two aren't spending alot of time together so things will naturally progress slower than what you're used to.


What's that saying?

"slow and steady wins the race"


What's the rush? Savor the here and now, enjoy each other. Instead of worrying about what right now, are really only imaginary issues.


Very few people know they've found IT within 2 months, very few people develop a deep emotional connection with each other in 2 months. And I would bet my paycheck that those very few people, spend every waking moment together during those 2 months.


The rest of us either don't have that luxury, or we don't need or want that kind of attention, so for those of us, slow and steady wins the race.

Thanks . My previous experiences with unavailable men make me very paranoid of getting into it again

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[Trippin2.0]

I hear you


But trust me, I know from experience that there's a distinct difference between unavailable and extremely busy.


I had unavailable who I spent time with daily, now I have an extremely busy who I barely get to see.


But at least the end is finally in sight, his schedule should relax in the next month or two, and then all our patience will pay off.


Just remember to keep the lines of communication open, and keep that line direct.

That way you will know if you should jump ship or anchor it.

I can fall in love in about 1 yr but that doesn't mean I could live with the man for eternity. Knowing that I am compatible for a long term relationship with someone would take me about 5 yrs of living with them. In my opinion 2 months is not a very long time.

[~Christina]

It really varies on the people involved. I do think that its impossible to really know someone in the first few months, usually most people are on the best behaivor in the begining. Really "knowing" someone takes time..

My adivce? Just enjoy the relationship and not focus on when the L word needsto be brought into the mix.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I hear you


But trust me, I know from experience that there's a distinct difference between unavailable and extremely busy.


I had unavailable who I spent time with daily, now I have an extremely busy who I barely get to see.


But at least the end is finally in sight, his schedule should relax in the next month or two, and then all our patience will pay off.


Just remember to keep the lines of communication open, and keep that line direct.

That way you will know if you should jump ship or anchor it.

It's not just being busy. People have relationships long distance. He isn't as into me as Would want him to, that's the real concern


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[divine1966]

Double post

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[divine1966]

Thanks everyone. I am not in a rush of course but something just feels off. My guts never lie. I am open And direct as I can't waste a day of my life on something that isn't there. I am more direct than I have ever been.

But I am always the one initiating talk about us or asking him questions to get to know me. And when I do share he can't remember anything

He is initiating time together as much as I do and calls me etc but makes no effort to get to really know me. At least that's how it feels





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[~Christina]

follow your gut instinct always !

divine1966, I feel for you. Hugs!

Do you have an idea (or ideas) about what might make him reluctant to want to get to know you to a deeper level? A thought I had in mind that may or may not apply to your situation: maybe he is reluctant to share something from HIS past so he does not ask you "more" so that in turn he tries to avoid you asking him "more".

I've experienced this with my boyfriend at times, things I didn't want to tell him so even though I was actually curious to learn more about him, I didn't want the question to be turned on me and to have to answer it myself.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by NewLyfeForReal

divine1966, I feel for you. Hugs!

Do you have an idea (or ideas) about what might make him reluctant to want to get to know you to a deeper level? A thought I had in mind that may or may not apply to your situation: maybe he is reluctant to share something from HIS past so he does not ask you "more" so that in turn he tries to avoid you asking him "more".

I've experienced this with my boyfriend at times, things I didn't want to tell him so even though I was actually curious to learn more about him, I didn't want the question to be turned on me and to have to answer it myself.

Most likely him being emotionally unavailable due to recent divorce after over 20 years of marriage. He isn't obsessed with the ex and not like excessively talk but he did say he is still trying to process what went wrong in their marriage which I assume effects how he thinks of new relationship: with reluctance

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by NewLyfeForReal

divine1966, I feel for you. Hugs!

Do you have an idea (or ideas) about what might make him reluctant to want to get to know you to a deeper level? A thought I had in mind that may or may not apply to your situation: maybe he is reluctant to share something from HIS past so he does not ask you "more" so that in turn he tries to avoid you asking him "more".

I've experienced this with my boyfriend at times, things I didn't want to tell him so even though I was actually curious to learn more about him, I didn't want the question to be turned on me and to have to answer it myself.

That could be but he typically shares with no hesitation when I do ask.

I have a feeling he just might not be that interested. In me. Not deeply interested kind if superficially

But then again I knew someone who wanted to know every single thing about me which I thought was a sign of deep feelings lol he then turned out to have a serious long term girlfriend while "dating" me. Gee.

He almost never had any time for me ( no he wasn't working a lot of hours so I couldn't figure out what he was doing) outside of constant asking questions on the phone. I told him that it is not working for me. He acted like an a... But I then later I accidentally discovered he has a girlfriend and had her way before he asked me out the first time . Not dating other people but she is a serious one. Why the heck bothering me then? Yet he knew everything about me as he asked many questions

Luckily we didn't have sex!

So asking lots of questions could mean something or nothing!!

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[Trippin2.0]

I don't really ask questions, I was taught not to pry, and my bf is a super private person, who shares in stages.


Guess that makes us a good match


Idk, I just don't see emotionally unavailable in what you write, because he doesn't seem disinterested at all, nor does he shut you out when you prompt him, he was even upfront about still processing his divorce. But heck, I could definitely be wrong, I'm not the one dating him.

[divine1966]

We broke up this morning. It's for the best trust me. I'll post more later, had to take day off work to get my crying out of the way lol

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I don't really ask questions, I was taught not to pry, and my bf is a super private person, who shares in stages.


Guess that makes us a good match


Idk, I just don't see emotionally unavailable in what you write, because he doesn't seem disinterested at all, nor does he shut you out when you prompt him, he was even upfront about still processing his divorce. But heck, I could definitely be wrong, I'm not the one dating him.

Trust me he is unavailable and he himself says that. He is interested but wouldn't go into depth with me because he is afraid of relationship and commitment, he was married 26 years and didn't heal. . It sucks but that's what bothered me all along. I was right. He is a great person but just isn't there emotionally. At least I didn't waste years of my life as I normally do

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